Gravity of Innocence
by Passive
Summary: UNDER REVISION. Living in another hospital, everything was the same,the pain and the nightmares, but what will happen when he meets doctor Yuki, a doctor with a heart made of ice? Everything is about to change.AU
1. Chapter 1

Life had never been easy.

The young boy could not remember what it felt like to be a child anymore. Those days when he had spent on having fun, free from responsibilities, were long forgotten. He felt like he had lived for so long that now he was an old man.

Trapped in a dismal room, he tried to reminisce about happy events of his childhood, but he remembered nothing but rejection, pain and sad memories.

He could see doctors in their white suits entering and leaving the room. The sound of their fake laughs and empty promises was still echoing in the small room. He was broken beyond repair. No one could cure a wounded heart.

Where was Yuki when he needed him the most?

A soft whimper escaped from his lips. His room was quiet, too quiet. He could hear his heart beat; it was getting slower and slower, like it had lost the will to go on. It was time for it to rest. Forever.

He took a deep breath. The machine next to him made a horrible sound.

The desire to shout was killing him, but he did not scream. He did not cry either. Never had he cried before. Today was no different. Tears shone in his eyes, but none fell

Shivering, he whimpered one more time.

Eyes burning with unwelcome tears, he stared at the white ceiling. He wanted to sit. He wanted to move, to jump, to run and laugh...He wanted to see Yuki one more time. He wanted to kiss him one last time, but he knew he could not.

Here, he was trapped. He even could not breathe on his own.

Those unwelcome tears ran down and left a wet trace on the hollow cheeks after a long, long time. He could taste the salty water on his dried lips.

How he wished this was a nightmare, but when he closed his eyes, he knew that his wish was nothing but a silly longing, and he realized that no matter how much he told himself other wise, the truth was that he wanted to live. No matter how cruel life had been to him, he was not ready to leave it yet.

Where was Yuki when he needed him the most?

He missed him so much.

He saw a nurse coming in. He knew her. It was Nurse O'Hara. That old lady whose kind smiles never left her rosy lips. She injected something into his arms and the edges of the room turned blurry then dark. It was the familiar perpetual darkness, only this time, the boy was certain he was not going to leave it again.

**To be continued…**


	2. Chapter 2

The hospital was noisier than usual. Nurses were running from one room to another .Someone was paging a doctor ,a sick man was moaning , a woman was crying ,a doctor was giving orders and another doctor was changing his uniform. The emergency part of hospital was always like this. It needed courage to stay here and watch a young kid or a pregnant woman die in front of you.

Doctor Eiri Yuki was standing next to a wall. He watched the people who were passing in front of him. Either they were nurses or doctors. He sighed. Sometimes he wondered why he chose to be a doctor. It was a difficult responsibility and it was more difficult and painful to watch someone die while you were trying to save their lives.

"Doctor Yuki! Doctor Yuki! Mr. Seguchi says there's something that he wants to discuss with you as soon as possible."

Eiri groaned but didn't say anything .Damn that annoying manager. Why they didn't give him sometime off? He leaned on the wall next to the window. It was autumn and everything was red and yellow. Running a hand through his blonde hair he lit a cigarette and inhaled.  
If anybody saw him smoking in the hospital, they would rip his head off. A doctor smoking in the hospital was completely unacceptable but it wasn't like that he gave a damn. He always did what he felt like doing and this time there was no difference. Burning the cigarette on the ground with his foot, he left the emergency to meet his annoying manager. To his surprise, the other parts of hospital were intriguingly quiet.

'Tonight is so quiet. That's a relief. I really appreciate this silence.'

Doctor Eiri Yuki was one of the most famous doctors in the whole USA. You wouldn't find a person who knew what the meaning of word "Doctor" was and didn't know him.

Eiri's life was different from the others. He was born in a very obsessive family with an even more obsessive father who always thought that Eiri should become a monk. His mother was a teacher who always agreed to what his father said no matter how wrong he was but Eiri looked like anybody but a monk and his sister was never home to see what was happening so she was no help for Eiri and unfortunately his brother was too small to understand anything..

His hair was oddly blonde .although all of his family had black hair and his eyes were...golden. Exactly golden and no matter at what age, he was always taller than others at his age. People always said he had the sexiest face and sexiest figure in the world.  
His form was lean but strong and he was good at sports. Hence, he was good at everything. At the age of 12, he knew everything that a 16-year-old student had troubles learning. No matter what the problem was, everybody knew that Eric was able to solve it.  
He was a very determined and stubborn boy by nature.  
When he attended high school every girl or sometimes some boys fell for him. It was not like that he liked them to do that. Always, he was either seen with a book or a notebook and sometimes he spent his time on walking in the rain at the seaside but it seemed like people loved him more that way. Everybody wanted to know what was going on in this sexy boy's head.

At the age of 17, he started his physical relationships which almost gave his father a heart attack and Eiri not accepting his father's request for becoming a monk made everything worse. He remembered after his father had found out that he had slept with three girls, there was a huge fight between them which ended up with Eiri going to his bedroom as coolly as he could saying he would have sex with anybody he choose to and his father couldn't stop him.  
After that he was as unwelcome as some trash in his family. Not being able to tolerate such treatment he left his family house and left his parents and his sister behind. He didn't talk to them anymore.

Being the intelligent boy he was, he attended Harvard university .One year later he was the idol of every student in the whole university.  
He wasn't a kind of student who studied 24/7 a week. The way he studied, the way he walked, the way he talked and they way he looked always made everybody crazy with admiration.

Soon, after being educated he left USA to England since he wanted to take his PHT there. First he had his PHT in heart diseases then he educated in medical psychology.

Finally at the age of 25, he was the most well-known professor, doctor as he liked to call himself in USA.

For two years he was working in the central hospital in LA and everything was just fine but life does funny things. It was last year when he found that their new manager was nobody but his damn brother in law.  
Needless to say he didn't like this change of events at all. it only meant trouble since now he had to hang out with his sister, Mika, more often and the second problem and the more important one was the fact that he had spent one year with Tohma in England and unfortunately or maybe fortunately Tohma knew some secrets about Eiri that he didn't want to share with anybody.

Eiri softly knocked on the manger's door office and patiently waited.

"Come in."

Eiri opened the door. Surely enough Tohma was on his leather chair reading something that looked like a letter. There was a frown on his face that made his boyish face more adorable. People who didn't know Tohma enough always thought that Tohma was just a cute man, but Eiri knew more than that and he had seen the true face behind that cute face .Tohma was a man that when he wanted something he always got it,no matter what the case was.

Tohma looked up and seeing Eiri standing in front of him his face lit up.

"Oh, Eiri ! I'm glad you came yourself. I was afraid I should have come myself and talked to you since you never take my requests seriously."

Eiri rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. Tohma mentioned for him to sit and Eiri obeyed without hesitatation. His feet were aching from standing all day.  
Being a doctor was certainly the most difficult job in the world.

Tohma reading Eiri's thoughts said:

"You don't have to work this much Eiri. You're working like a common doctor including doing heart operations and sometimes taking care of children psychologies and psychopaths and I've told you hundred times that you don't need to. Doing only heart operations is fine."

"And I've told you endless times that I like what I'm doing."

Tohma didn't say any thing; instead he smiled and opened a profile.

"Eiri, I need you to do something for me. It's a favor."

Eiri crossed his legs and waited for Tohma to continue.

"Yesterday a boy has been brought here from the emergency hospital. They brought him here and asked us to take care of him since they don't have enough money to take care of him. He's been in that hospital for almost six months."

"Is he from a poor family?"

"We don't know. The boy has been found in the middle of a street bloody, wounded and with pneumonia and He doesn't say what has happened to him and says he doesn't have a family."

"Go on."

"So they have brought him here since his condition is getting worse."

"You mean they were unable to cure pneumonia?"

"No, no, they boy has a strange heart disease and they were unable to operate him. I'm asking you to do that."

"Why don't you ask Doctor Butler? He's as good as me at heart operations."

"Because you are a psychologist and he's not. Police is curious to know what has happened to him. It seems that some people have done something to him and whenever somebody asks him he goes hysteric and ends up in CCU since he has a heart disease."

"How can I help you?"

"I want you to ask him what has happened to him. I don't want to see police walk in hallways Eric. The sooner this case is finished the better and then we have to persuade police to pay for the operation."

Eiri stood up and went toward the door. He just didn't feel like talking. His head was bursting from pain and his feet were still aching.

"Well, what are you going to do?"

Eiri opened the door and without turning around he said:

"Put his profile on my desk. Tomorrow I'm going to see him."

"Eiri, this boy is more stubborn than you. Please do your best and thank you by the way."

Tohma didn't hear any response since the door was already closed.


	3. Chapter 3

Shadow prince: I want to thank everybody who reviewed my story. Thank you, thank you, and thank you. Please let me know your ideas .The story hasn't begun yet and let me warn you that this is story is going to be quite long but don't worry! I'll try to make it as nice as possible.

But please give me some feed back. This is my first story and I just want to improve. Any ideas are welcome. Thank you again. You people rock all the way.

I promise to end the story by the end of summer!

Disclaimer: Gravitation doesn't belong to me.

"There's no way in hell that I let you do that. First you have to tell me what it is! Bloody hell! Let go of me!"

"Be quite young man! This is a hospital and you have no right to scream like that. Now if you turn around and let me inject this syringe, I'll really appreciate it."

"I said no! I won't turn around!"

Suddenly the door opened .Both the patient and the nurse looked up to see a doctor standing at the door, arms crossed, waiting for them to finish their argument.

"What's going on in here Mrs. O'Hara?"

The nurse bit her lip and looked away. In her hand the syringe was forgotten. Handling this young patient had wasted more time than necessary and she just didn't know what to say to this arrogant doctor. Every body knew that when doctor Yuki was angry, he was dangerous.

"I'm sorry doctor Yuki but this young man doesn't let me inject him!"

The new doctor fixed his eyes on the patient and waited to hear a reasonable answer from him.

"Shuichi Shindou, am I right?"

Shuichi felt like that man was seeing through him. Those golden eyes were the most strange and scary eyes that he had seen in his entire life. They were making a whole in his bare soul. Unable to say anything, he only nodded.

"Well Shuichi, care to explain your behavior?"

Shuichi narrowed his eyes and clenched his teeth. This hospital was worse than the other one. These nurses were walking on his nerves. He really didn't like here. In the emergency hospital everybody forgot about him and he was grateful for that but here, these people never left him alone. Like he was a cat and they were hungry dogs.

"She won't tell me what's in that syringe!"

Doctor Yuki didn't say anything. Instead, he took the syringe and mentioned for the nurse to leave the room. Mrs. O'Hara immediately obeyed, grateful for the fact that she didn't have to argue with that stubborn boy anymore. Doctor Yuki looked at the syringe and said:

"This syringe is good for your heart. It makes your blood cleaner and therefore your heart will beat easier. I won't tell you it's name since I'm sure you don't know anything about it."

Shuichi not expecting the new doctor to answer him like that, only nodded his head. He was feeling uneasy toward this man and his uneasiness was growing worse as seconds were passing by. He felt like something was moving in his stomach. He never liked doctors but this one was scarier than the others.

"Now that you know what it is, turn around."

"Eh?"

"I said turn around"

Shuichi looked around, unsure of what to do. Looking at the new doctor from the corner of his eyes he saw that the doctor was getting the syringe ready. The movement in his stomach increased. His nervousness was getting into a high level and seeing that cruel syringe with its sharp needle wasn't helping at all. It was like that the syringe was looking back at him evilly. It was funny how much he was scared of injection. Not wanting to tell this truth to this doctor, he tried to make an excuse.

"No! I don't need any injection for..."

But doctor Yuki didn't let the boy finish his sentence. Forcefully, he turned the boy around. In a blink of an eye, the injection was over.

Throwing the syringe inside the garbage, the doctor said:

"It wasn't too difficult, was it?"

Shuichi grimaced. He didn't like the sarcastic tone in this doctor's voice at all. It made him feel emotionally sick and hurt. He just didn't want to start an argument with this man because he was never good at winning in arguments and somehow he knew that if he argued with this doctor, He would regret it later.

"Who are you?"

"I'm doctor Yuki, your new doctor and you're supposed to answer all of my questions honestly and obey whatever I say and be careful! Today, I'm not in a good mood."

"Who the hell do you think you are? I'll do what I want to do!"

"Not with me Shindou. This hospital in not like the one you were in before. In here you will do exactly what you're told and it depends on your own taste that how you want to do it. On your own will or forcefully"

Shuichi bitted his bottom lip from anger .He didn't like this doctor at all. There was something different about this doctor. This man didn't act like other doctors did. For example he really didn't show any sympathy or he didn't smile like the others did and God had to help him because the injection did hurt like hell.

When Shuichi raised his head a new nurse was standing next to his bed and she was trying to take one of the needles out of his hand.

"Help him sit .Remove all of the needles. He needs new drugs."

Something burst inside Shuichi. This Yuki man was walking on his nerves. He was talking about him like he didn't exist at all or maybe he thought he was a piece of meat or something. That bastard! Shuichi wasn't a kind of boy to give up so easily. Jerking his hand away from the nurse he said:

"I'm not weak and I don't need help .I can sit myself perfectly well!"

Doctor Yuki raised an eyebrow and smirked. He was in a bad mood and this boy was a pain in the neck. Shuichi wanted to play? Eiri thought:

'So be it.'

"A person who is strong never cries at nights like a crybaby because he has a heart disease or something like that"

Shuichi's face went red from anger and hatred. He just wanted to kill that man now. How did he dare? How did he dare say such a thing about him? Losing control, he screamed:

"I'm not a crybaby and I'm strong. I'm even stronger than you."

"of course you are. Never think otherwise."

The sarcastic remark only made him angrier. Shuichi had a bad argue to get up and punch the man's face to prove him that he was strong.

The nurse was looking really uncomfortable. She was ready to run from these two men. The battle between doctors and patients always ended up with someone getting hurt and she just didn't want to stay there and watch the battle.

"Well Shindo, since you're very strong, please get up and follow me to my office. I don't have any time to waste."

"But doctor Yuki, this boy…"

"You can leave madam. I believe you don't have anything to do here."

"Yes doctor"

The nurse looked at Shuichi one last time. True, this young boy was very stubborn but she just didn't have the heart to leave this boy alone but having no other choice, she silently left the room.

Shuichi was too angry to understand what was happening on around him. He just wanted to kill Yuki. Slowly, he put his bare feet on the cold ground and tried to stand up. Unfortunately his muscles didn't agree and with a load moan he fell on the ground.

'Great. Just great! I just had to fall in front of him.'

Looking up he watched the doctor leave the room. Shuichi's eyes widened. This man truly had no mercy! He even didn't help him stand. Shaking his head he said:

"Hey wait a minute! I'm coming."

Trying to stand, he fell down one more time.

'I'm sure I wasn't like this last week. Maybe it's because I haven't walked for a whole week. All parts of my body hurt.'

Nurse O'Hara came inside the room, grabbing Shuichi's hand, she helped him stand. Without letting go of him they walked out of the room .walking for about a minute they stopped and stood behind a closed door. On the door was written:

Professor Eiri, Yuki, Surgeon and psychologist.

Shuichi narrowed his eyes. This professor needed to learn his place.

Nurse O'Hara opened the door. Doctor Yuki was standing next to a window.

"Thanks Mrs. O'Hara for your help. you may leave"

The nurse left and Shuichi found himself alone with the strange doctor. Without turning around doctor commended the boy to sit on the bed.

Shuichi, too tired to complain, slowly sat on the white bed next to the wall. Suddenly he was feeling cold. Taking a deep breath he tried to slow down his heart beat. His heart was beating painfully and he was feeling worn out. Closing his eyes he thought:

'Who could have guessed one minute walking could take so much energy?'

Yuki turned around and for the first time Shuichi noticed his beauty. The doctor was certainly good looking. Shuichi didn't know why but somehow he felt like that this man was not what he appeared to be. He felt like that another man was hidden behind this mask of beauty and coldness. Shaking his head, he almost laughed. Today, he was getting silly and being silly in front of this scary doctor was not what he needed at the moment.

"Take off your shirt."

Shuichi blushed and nervously looked away. He was never good at letting people see his skin naked and ready to explore. Maybe it was because he was highly shy when he was a child or maybe it was because of that...that...but he obeyed whatsoever.

His hands were shaking when he took off the white shirt. Shuichi didn't know why but somehow he was scared of this particular doctor. Maybe it was because this man didn't show any pity or sympathy or maybe it was because of those golden eyes that were daring anybody to disobey. Doctor Yuki was reminding Shuichi of a very strict commander that he had read in a book when he was a child.

Doctor Yuki stood in front of Shuichi and put his stethoscope on his heart. The cold metal made his skin tickle. For some unknown reason his heart was beating fast.

"Calm down Shuichi.I can't examine you if you're so highly excited of me that you're heart is beating this fast."

This time Shuichi flushed like a tomato. That perverted doctor! But this time he didn't say anything, knowing that if he said a single word doctor Yuki would embarrass him more. Doctor Yuki was silent for a few moments and was listening to Shuichi's heartbeat which had slowed down with his rude remark. Taking the young boy's wrist in his hand, he checked his pulse.

"Does your heart hurt sometimes?"

Shuichi wanted to say that recently his heart was aching all the time and it was bothering him, since he couldn't sleep at nights but remembering that he wanted to prove the perverted doctor that he was strong he chose another answer.

"No, it doesn't."

Doctor Yuki didn't look up and shook his head.

"Wrong answer. You're heart is aching constantly, especially at nights. By the way, you were supposed to answer honestly."

"If you know, why do you ask?"

"I'm testing you"

Shuichi wanted to burst from anger. How was he supposed to tolerate this damn doctor was beyond his understanding. The way this doctor was standing next to him, made him fell like a small child who was trapped in a dark alley.

"Open your mouth, say ah."

Shuichi rolled his eyes. These people were highly ridiculous. Why was life so cruel to him? These white hospitals and these people in white were really disgusting. They looked at you like you were something disgusting or a virus for society. They always did their best to get rid of you sooner than usual and worst of all, they called themselves merciful!

Those looks they gave you when they were checking you, particularly those annoying nurses, it was like somebody was cutting your stomach with a sharp knife.

"Lay down"

He laid on the cold bed .These doctors always ordered you around. They told you what to eat, what to do, when to go and when to sleep. Somehow it felt like his life was in other people's hands.

His eyes were getting heavy and sore, he felt like he had run ten miles. Funny was the fact that he hadn't run for a year now. He sighed and closed his eyes. The land of dreams was embracing him and he welcomed it with pleasure because his body had already gone limb and he only needed his mind too shut down too. It wasn't long before he was sleep like a baby.


	4. Chapter 4

Shadows prince: Thank you every body for your lovely reviews! I really appreciate them.

Can you do me a favor? I want every body to tell me their ideas about this story. I mean I want you to tell me things that you want to happen in this story .This will make the story more pleasurable to all of us! Thank you again every body!

Disclaimer: Gravitation doesn't belong to me.

Chapter 4

"What do you mean you don't know? Is it even possible for you to not to know anything?"

""Tohma!I only said I don't know it right now. First he needs to be examined then I need his blood samples along with other samples then maybe, I'll tell you what's wrong with him."

"You better hurry and find it out. Those police officers are killing me. They had sent a psychologist early this morning."

"Tohma...I'm warning you! I don't want anybody to check on him beside me, specially, police. Those idiots have air in their head instead of brain."

"I trust you Eiri. Just hurry before it gets more twisted. This boy is a troublesome patient and when it comes to police, I'm afraid I can't do much for you."

Shuichi groaned and turned around in the uncomfortable bed. Those people who were speaking didn't let him sleep . He felt like his headache was burning his brain. Opening his purple eyes which were clouded with sleepiness, he saw two men. One of them was leaning on a leather chair while the other was leaving the room. Thinking for a moment he remembered he was in that jerk's office and quickly closed his eyes.

The door office opened and closed.

"I know you're not sleep. Open your eyes. I'm not going to kill you or anything."

Shuichi groaned again. He wasn't scared of that stupid doctor! He just didn't want to face him right now. Doctor Yuki made him feel uncomfortable.

Slowly, he opened his eyes again and to his horror, he saw that doctor Yuki was sitting on the bed which he was sleeping on, with crossed arms and he was staring at him with those pierce golden eyes. Narrowing his eyes he spatted :

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

Yuki kept looking at him .He was almost burning Shuichi's soul with the fire in his eyes. This man had no shame!

"I was only wondering how much of a brat you can be."

Shuichi looked confused. As far as he remembered, he hadn't done anything wrong to be called 'brat'. What was doctor Yuki up to? He didn't like the way doctor Yuki was looking at him. It made blood rush to his cheeks.

"What do you mean?"

"Who said you were allowed to fall sleep in my office? Not to mention in the middle of my examining."

"I couldn't help it! It kind of like over took me!"

Doctor Yuki kept staring and a ghost of smirk appeared on his lips. Messing with this boy, made him feel good.

"Well Mr. Shindou, it only shows how weak you are. Usually normal people can control themselves when they're sleepy, can't they?"

Shuichi's face turned scarlet and angrily he screamed:

"I'm not weak! I'm not weak and I will prove it to you!"

And quickly, he sat on the bed. Unfortunately his head didn't agree with this movement and he felt like the world started to spin right in front of his eyes. The next thing he knew was that he was on the cold ground of the office, One of the doctor's hands was holding his head while the other was on his temple, massaging it slightly.

"Idiot! Who told you to get up?"

Shuichi closed his eyes. The nausea was working its way from the bottom of his stomach upwards but he had to admit that the sensation of Doctor Yuki's hand on his temple was pleasurable. Parting his lips, he slowly whispered:

"You can't control my life."

"It's not the matter of controlling. It's the matter of helping you to ..."

He knew that doctor Yuki was still talking but the pain in his chest and that nausea wasn't letting him understand what was going on around him. He wanted to scream from pain but no sound came out of his mouth and with a moan of pain he passed out. The last thing he saw was doctor Yuki's golden eyes.

His eyelids were heavy and he couldn't open them no matter how much he tried. First he couldn't hear anything but then the familiar beeping voice that he was so used to became clear. He tried to sigh but figured there was something in his mouth. That thing was almost chocking him. He didn't move for some time and when he tried to open his eyes for the second time, he succeeded. Unfortunately, the room was too dark therefore he didn't see anything.

He didn't need to think twice. He knew that he was in ICU and just the idea made him want to cry. He loathed this place. Every time he remembered his past, he ended up here but this time it was different. He couldn't remember completely what had happened before he passed out. He only remembered that doctor Yuki said something and he lost control...but he wasn't angry anymore.

Right now he was only determined. Determined to show that doctor that he was strong, that he could get well soon, that he would leave this cursed place.

His hands were numb and he couldn't move them. After some failed attempts to move. He finally decided that the best idea was to sleep but he couldn't sleep. The pain in his chest and the torturing silence was making him crazy. The horrible smell of alcohol and drugs was making his nose tickle. The only think he could do was to stare at the blank ceiling with frustration. He hated the colors white more than anything in his life. This color was too blank and too empty to be real.

Suddenly the door opened and somebody stepped inside. He wanted to move his head but he couldn't .the only thing he could do was to close his eyes and act like he was sleep. The person stood next to his bed.

"You're a brat you know that?"

He recognized the voice. It was doctor Yuki .Nobody had a voice like his. His voice made you feel out of control. A hand rested on his silky pink hair and ruffled it.

"Maybe that's why I want to test you..."

The hand started to caress his cheek. For some unknown reason his heart started to beat fast. Nobody had done such a thing to him before. He almost gasped.

"To see how much you can take..."

The hand went lower and rested on his lips and caressed the bottom one. Shuichi was sure he was blushing and to his embarrassment he had to admit that it felt good.

"To see if you're as weak as others were or maybe you're stronger..."

The hand rested on his neck. The thump was massaging his throat. Shuichi tried not to sallow and clutched the bed sheet slowly.

"Every body has failed. Sick or not they're weak. They're all losers."

Finally the hand stopped on his heart. Shuichi knew his heart was beating faster than normal but he couldn't do anything to slow it down.

"I wonder when you'll lose. Next month, next week, tomorrow or maybe when you wake up you have lost already."

The room became quiet once again. That evil hand ruffled Shuichi's hair one more time and suddenly it was gone. Some times later he heard the footsteps and finally the strange man was gone. His heart was still beating fast and his breaths were short. He was only thinking about one thing:

'I've never lost in my life and I won't lose to you. I don't know what you're up to but I'll show you that I'm stronger.'

And finally sleep over took him.


	5. Chapter 5

The hospital was filled with a deadly silence. It looked empty and lifeless. You could feel the presence of death every where. It was waiting to take souls with him. Souls that were fighting or maybe souls that had given up a long time ago but, the angel of death didn't care. He was going to take them all.

You could almost smell the fear in the rooms. You could see it in the eyes of a child or in the hands of an old man that were shaking. You could hear it in the ragged breathing of a woman or in the cries of a new born baby.

Yes, it was the place that Yuki had come to like. He liked it because it matched his soul. His soul and this hospital had something in common, both of them were fighting. This cursed place was trying to take souls while Yuki was trying to save them.

No, Yuki wasn't a type of a man to give up. Determination was shining in those golden eyes. His body was filled with a mysterious thing that gave him the power to go on. There was no sign of fear in Yuki.

Maybe that was the reason why he liked Shuichi. Shuichi feared nothing either. Shuichi wasn't regretting anything .Shuichi was fighting. Fighting with an unbreakable thing called destiny and Yuki thought to himself:' I respect the brat's soul. It's so full of life that you can almost feel it.'

Speaking of the pink hair boy...

Shuichi opened his eyes just to close them hurriedly because of the intense sunlight. Shielding his hand in front of his eyes, he moaned in frustration. All the mornings in this damned hospital were like this. Waking up with the cursed sunlight or by the horrible voices of nurses was sickening. He just couldn't tolerate this living anymore. This hospital was not the place where he wanted to live...

"I see that you're up. It took you long enough."

Hearing the familiar voice, Shuichi moaned louder. This was definitely a horrible morning. It wasn't his best idea of starting a new day. He woke up in ICU while all parts of his body where hurting and an annoying doctor was all over him. It was enough to make him crazy.

Suddenly remembering last night's events he sharply opened his eyes and tried to sit. Doctor yuki caught his shoulders and roughly pushed him down.

"Don't rush stupid boy! We don't want you to end up on the floor again now, do we?"

Yuki's voice was full of sarcasm. It almost made Shuichi sick and his face went scarlet. Why did he fainted in doctor Yuki's office?

Doctor Yuki leaned on the bed and stared at Shuichi. Shuichi stared back but It wasn't long before he shamefully looked away. There was something in those eyes that made him shy and embarrassed. Those eyes were like fire. They always made your soul burn with a silent pleasure.

Doctor Yuki didn't say anything .Taking out a stethoscope out of his pocket, he pushed Shuichi's shirt up and put it on his heart. Meanwhile, Shuichi looked at the man's beautiful face. There was something in that face that he hadn't seen before. Maybe a sweet bitterness ...His long face and firm jaw made him look very straight and frank and those lips ...They were always smirking, mocking people... and those eyes...He just couldn't look at those eyes. They looked dangerous and wild. Just like the eyes of a tiger, golden and mysterious with some wildness and intoxication in them. It wasn't the cold round metal on his heart that was bothering him; it was doctor Yuki's cold hand on his bare hip that made him shiver. A sweet feeling in his lower abdomen made him shiver more.

"Are you cold?"

Shuichi nervously laughed and his cheeks burnt from embarrassment. That feeling was making a certain region of his body warmer. Doctor Yuki stopped in the middle of his examining and looked at Shuichi with a raised eyebrow.

"Why are you blushing?"

William bit his lip and pulled his shirt down to cover his bare and hairless chest. He didn't know why but he felt like he had to do something but the problem was that he didn't know what to do. That sensation was getting harder to bear.

"I...I'm not blushing."

Doctor Yuki leaned down and gazed at Shuichi's eyes. Shuichi could almost feel Yuki's breaths on his face. They were cold and steady.

"Dirty thoughts, huh?"

Shuichi's head seemed to work on his own and to his horror, it nodded in agreement. Yuki smirked in return and put a hand in Shuichi's chest which was rising up and done rapidly. Shuichi thanked god that he had pulled his shirt down .His skin had become very sensitive to Yuki's touches recently.

"Really? Was it me or somebody else?"

That voice was echoing in his ears, making him shiver with anticipation. Shuichi wanted to open his mouth and say something but he couldn't. All he could do was to moan in embarrassment. Could the situation get worse? Now his doctor was thinking that he was a pervert or something and worst of all, he couldn't say no and the fact that Yuki's face was near his and his long fingers were moving up and down on his chest, wasn't helping at all.

Finally doctor yuki stood straight and put the stethoscope back into his pocket.

"It's good to know."

Shuichi slowly sat on his bed and tried to calm his heartbeat. The place where Yuki's fingers were moving only seconds ago was still warm. Shuichi could still feel them on his white shirt. Those long pale fingers that were doing magic to him. His throat was dry and it took some time for him to talk.

"Good to…good to know what?"

Opening Shuichi's profile, doctor yuki started to write in it and didn't look at his patient. A devil smirk was on his lips.

"Good to know that you're having dirty thoughts. It shows that you're getting better."

Shuichi clutched the bed sheets and his face went red again. Now he was in a deep trouble. How was he going to prove his doctor that he wasn't thinking of...he even couldn't think of the word in his mind. It wasn't right!

"No! It's not like that...I wasn't having…Dirty...thoughts...I swear!"

Doctor Yuki sighed and shook his head.

"No doctor Yuki. Please don't be like that...I swear. I swear!"

Doctor Yuki looked at his patient with a mocked sad expression and ran a hand through his forehead. His blonde hair was shining under the morning's sunlight. He just looked like a god echo happened to work in a hospital.

"You don't need to defend yourself Shindou. You're seventeen and a half. It's okay to think like that I don't expect you to think of politics, but still a question is remained unanswered. Who were you thinking of?"

Now, desperate to prove his doctor that he was wrong he put his small, bare feet on the cold floor and made his way toward doctor Yuki. It was difficult though. His head was spinning and his legs were numb.

"I wasn't thinking about dirty things. I was just...thinking about..."

"About?"

"About your face."

There, he said it. How he always managed to make a fool out of himself was a mystery. Doctor Yuki lifted his eyes and looked at the young boy with an unreadable expression on his beautiful face. The room was quiet for sometime. All Shuichi wanted to do was to die where he was standing right there and then. Finally, To Shuichi's relief the famous doctor left the room. Without turning around he said:

"I'll tell the nurses to get you back to your own room."

And Shuichi was left in the white room Speechless.

Gravitation...gravitation...gravitation...

Shuichi grimaced as he knocked on the white wooden door. Doctor Yuki's office was the last place where he wanted to be. The office itself was mocking him.' Just like its owner.' he thought sarcastically as he opened the door. To his surprise no one was there.

"Doctor Yuki?"

Nobody answered. With a big sigh he sat on the white bed and waited impatiently for the cursed doctor to come. It was near sunset and outsight of the building looked yellow and orange. Standing up he stood next to the big glass window. When was the last time that he actually felt the wind on his face? When was the last time that he ate a proper dinner and spent sometime on having fun? When was the last time that he slept peacefully? He couldn't remember. All he remembered was sickness, doctors, drugs, pain and white.

How was he supposed to prove that he was strong when his life was so miserable and pointless?

A sound from outside the door made him jump. Suddenly he panicked. He didn't know why but for some silly reasons he felt like hiding and it was exactly what he did. Pushing the chair aside he went under the wooden desk and being the slender boy that he was he managed to hide like a five -year-old- boy who was playing hide and seek.

The door opened and he could hear two different voices. He knew one of them. One of them, undoubtfuly belonged to doctor Yuki and the other one belonged to a woman. It belonged to a woman who was talking to doctor Yuki.

"Oh, Eiri please! You always make excuses. You surely have sometime off to eat dinner."

"No I don't and I'm serious Angelina. Certainly you have more important things to do, don't you?"

"No, I just want to spend my time with you. It's only fair to be with you after a hard stressful week, but you keep saying no!"

"I want to spend sometime off myself, but I can't. There is a patient that I have to visit tonight."

Shuichi shifted uncomfortably and tried to listen more carefully. His back was beginning to ache, his legs had gone limb already and he had problems breathing under that desk.

"Oh come one! You can visit him tomorrow."

"No I can't. This patient's condition is dangerous."

"Then he will die whether you want it or not!"

Shuichi almost burst from anger. Fisting his hands he forcefully bit his lower lip. He could taste the blood on them. How dare she talk about her like he was a trash in the garbage? He had the right to live just like she did!

Yuki didn't answer. Shuichi could smell something and he guessed that doctor Yuki had started smoking and it just made Shuichi angrier than before. That bastard didn't care either!

"Don't make me angry Angelina. I have to go. How about tomorrow? Tomorrow is Sunday and I'm free in the evening. I'll come and pick you up. is it okay?"

"What is so interesting about patients that you spend most of your time with them? They are disgusting people!"

Shuichi just couldn't take her insulting anymore. Standing up, he stared at the woman. Nobody had noticed him yet.

"You!"

Both heads turned around to see a young boy standing next to the desk with a red face and fisted hands. The woman who had blonde hair and looked quite pretty raised a thin eyebrow.

"Who are you?"

That voice sounded horribly disgusting to Shuichi's ears He just wanted to punch that woman.

"Who am I? I'm that disgusting person who doctor Yuki wanted to visit tonight, but you know what, the only person who's disgusting in this room is you Have you been planning to visit him tonight? Taking him to a fancy restaurant, flirting with him and finally bedding him? And then tomorrow you could start a new day? But don't tire your pretty head .that is not how the life goes on."

Shuichi's heart was starting to ache. An old feeling was back into his veins. The feeling of being disgusting and hopeless. The feeling of always being a burden to every body. Hot tears gathered in the corner of his lavender eyes. Without looking at the woman, he continued.

"Unlike you, some people are fighting for their lives. Yes actually fighting because they don't know if they will have the chance to wake up and see a new day. Yes! They're fighting even when they know that there will be no future to see. Fighting when they are berried with countless needles and syringes in a white room and tell me,Who's disgusting? Me? Who is trying to do what I want in a short limited time in a small room with no one to support me or you? Who is wasting her time like life will go on for her forever, but don't worry. God is watching us. My time will come too. There will be a day when you're sick and helpless and people are thinking like you're a disgusting creature and believe me, you already are!"

Tears were blinding his sight but he couldn't care. All he could care was the pang of pain that was making him dizzy and sick. Walking angrily he looked at his cold hearted doctor.

"You don't need to stay here doctor. I managed to live till tonight and she's right! I will die whether you want it or not. So please don't bother. Eating dinner is more important!"

Heart beating fast form anger and pain he leaved the office .Somehow he was feeling that he had made a great mistake.


	6. Chapter 6

Shadows prince: Thank you every body for your lovely reviews!

I want to apologize for my horrible spelling. I revised all the previous chapters and hopefully, this one doesn't have any thing wrong either. Please forgive me!

Thank you again for your reviews!

Chapter 6

It was early morning and the hospital was quiet. For the first time in a long time, it almost looked peaceful. Nobody had started working yet and every patient was sleep. Even Shuichi who had a very tough night had gone to sleep at last.

Mrs. O'Hara was sitting on a chair next to Shuichi who was sleep like a baby with slightly parted lips. His pink hair was covering his eyes like a curtain and his hands were hugging a pillow next to him. It wasn't long before a frown become visible on his face and his fingers twisted the soft pillows. Signs of pain and terror became clear on the boy's pretty face.

Mrs. O'Hara sighed. This boy looked like a little innocent angel who was trapped in a horrifying darkness. How unfair and unreasonable this life was! She had seen so many patients, but nobody was like Shuichi. No one acted like Shuichi did. Nobody was as innocent as Shuichi was. He was entirely different. True, sometimes he acted like the world was going to end. She had seen him crying, shouting and screaming but still, something was different with this patient, maybe he was sorry for losing something. Maybe he hadn't accepted his faith yet or maybe he thought that he could change his destiny.

Although, Shuichi was in this hospital for only a week, but Mrs. O'Hara had come to knew him very well. She had seen him in the middle of the nights when he had woken up from a nightmare, sweating and shaking, and then he had shaken his head, murmuring to him self that it was over and they couldn't hurt him anymore.

These were exactly the words that she had told Doctor Yuki. If there was one person who could help this boy, it was doctor Yuki. So after a long conversation, Doctor Yuki had decided to talk to the boy last night, but things didn't go as she expected them to go. It was after sunset when Shuichi came to his room from Doctor Yuki's office. Face wet with fresh tears, He had screamed over and over that he hated her and she deserved to die and unfortunately or maybe fortunately, nobody had any idea who he was talking about. He had refused to eat his drugs and finally, he had gone to sleep with an empty stomach and a wounded heart.

Oddly, doctor Yuki didn't show up last night. Mr. Seguchi told her that doctor Yuki had took the day off and now, there he was, standing next to Shuichi's door, deep in thought. Hands in pockets, he came in and stood next to the bed.

Mrs. O'Hara stood up silently. She left the room as quietly as she could and closed the door behind herself. She could only prey for Shuichi. It was the only thing that could help him at the moment.

Doctor Yuki was still standing next to the bed. His muscles couldn't obey his orders. They felt numb and frozen. Last night passed as a rush. He couldn't exactly remember what had happened. He and Angelina had left the hospital swiftly and he remembered he had driven to a restaurant. All the way Angelina had complained about the rude patient and his bad behavior but Eric couldn't remember and recall what she had said after that. They had eaten dinner in silence and finally, Eric had left her. He just remembered that he had a horrible headache and he had spent the night drinking beer and thinking about the boy's words. Something changed in him when the boy said those words. For the first time in his life, he saw some body who had meant what he had said. Shuichi's words were beyond words. They were full of something but Eiri didn't know what. He always thought that he was the winner in this world. He always thought he could get what he wanted, no matter how hard it was, but last night that patient proved him wrong. The young boy showed him that he was nothing but a loser. Shuichi was the winner of the brutal life. He was the person who could die happily, not him.

He could still remember the days when he was in England. He could remember that how he had given up his life after that horrible incident for so many months.

But this sick young boy...Eiri shook his head with the hum that came from Shuichi.

Shuichi slowly opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was the face of the famous doctor which was above him. He didn't need to think much to remember last night's events. He wanted to say something, anything, but he knew if he opened his mouth to say a word, he would start to cry, but no, he wanted to show Yuki that he was strong! So instead he turned his head away and looked at the blank wall on his left.

"Good morning brat."

Still, Shuichi didn't look at his hand some doctor. His mind was busy with thoughts. He just wanted to smack his head with something hard. After a whole night, finally he had figured that what he had done was highly embarrassing. He had accused doctor Yuki's girl friend or maybe worse, his wife, he had showed that he was hiding in his office and worst of all he had refused to take his pills and now, he couldn't say a word to him!

'You're a master in making a fool out of yourself Shuichi Shindou and now, instead of making it up to him, you're staring at the blank wall! You're a genius!'

Suddenly a warm hand cupped his left cheek and turned his head around. Doctor Yuki was staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Shuichi gulped and stared at those golden eyes. Today, those eyes looked different. There was something new in them. Maybe emotions…

'Could this emotionless doctor have emotions?' He didn't know because he couldn't think anymore. He had a bad desire to cry. This man was the only person who could make him cry. Not because he was cruel, bitter or emotionless, but because he felt like this man could understand him better than anybody and he thought to himself that maybe after seven months, he could talk to somebody about something that had bothered him for so many months .Pushing himself up he leaned on the pillow .Doctor Yuki rested his hand on the boy's lap and Shuichi kept staring at those eyes. He wanted to be drawn in them. They looked understanding and caring today. Hot tears were hurting his eyes and he promised to himself that this time was going to be the last time that he was going to cry. So carefully he circled his hands around the tall man's waist. Waiting for rejection, but it never happened. Instead the man put his hands on Shuichi's back and pressed him close. Shuichi closed his eyes and buried his head in the man's warm chest. Doctor Yuki smelled good. Probably it was the smelling of the most expensive soap possible. Tears ran down on his pale cheeks. Doctor Yuki slowly caressed his pink hair .After seven bloody months, he felt safe and loved. Minutes passed by but neither of them moved. Shuichi was sobbing silently. Horrible memories were repeating in his mind. Memories that were hurting him for almost seven months now. He just wanted to scream and tell them all to this strange man but he knew he couldn't because he knew he didn't have the courage. Memories were getting clearer in his mind and he started to cry even louder.

"There, there brat...shhh...Everything is all right. You're safe. Shhhh...I'm here…"

"But...But they will ...they will come back...They'll hurt me again. They'll make it more painful this time.."

"No...I won't let them...it is all right...I'll protect you. I promise."

Eiri started to Rock Shuichi back and forth and said sweet nothing in his ears. Shuichi was shaking in his arms. He hugged his tall doctor more tightly. Sometimes later the boy's weeping stopped and his breathing went back to normal. Pushing the sleeping boy on his bed he looked at his wet face and sighed. Somehow he felt like there was a serious responsibility on his shoulders now: Protecting this boy. He knew it was not going to be easy but he knew that he was going to do his best. However, a question kept playing in his mind. "Who were they?"


	7. Chapter 7

Shadows prince: Thanks for your reviews. Please tell me if this story is getting boring, awful or whatever. I will gladly accept your ideas.

Disclaimer: Gravitation does not belong to me.

Chapter 7

"Doctor Yuki, There's a boy outside your office. He wants to come in. He's been there for thirty minutes now. "

"Let him in Miss Robinson but tell his to be quiet."

"Yes doctor Yuki."

It was a warm day. It was a long time ago when he had felt the heat of the sun on his face. Maybe it was because he didn't like to spend so much time out of his house or maybe he had become so emotionless that he couldn't feel anymore. Whatever the reason was, Eiri was grateful that after a long time, someone was warming his heart.

The door opened, but Doctor Yuki didn't look up. He kept on writing on a profile. He could hear the boy's breathing and by the sound of it, the boy was highly nervous. Eiri inwardly smirked. He had to be nervous. After that breakdown, the boy had to feel uncomfortable, but Eiri didn't want to put an extra stress on him so, he waited patiently for the boy to speak. His wait didn't last for too long.

"Good afternoon doctor Yuki."

Eiri only nodded his head in return. He still didn't look up.

"I...I wanted to apologize for this morning and last night. I didn't mean to accuse your girlfriend...wife...I don't know who she is and I didn't mean to ...mean to cry like that."

Eric took of his glasses .Leaning on his chair, he studied the boy. Shuichi was nervously playing with the hem of his white shirt and his eyes were locked to the ground. It seemed that it was the most interesting thing in the office. He didn't know why, but there was some kind of shyness in all of Shuichi's actions. Something he had never seen in anybody else. Shuichi was more innocent than a new born child and that idea alone, was making Yuki feel warmer than before.

"Sit down Shuichi. There are things we need to discuss with each other."

Hesitantly Shuichi obeyed and sat on the edge of the chair but he could not stop himself from looking at the good looking doctor from the corner of his eyes. His Cheeks were becoming red.

"Calm down Shuichi. As I have said before, we'll get to nowhere if you act like that."

This time, Shuichi's whole face reddened. This doctor always managed to make him feel embarrassed in the silliest ways and that evil smirk on that beautiful face, always made him feel worse. Biting his lip, he said:

"I'm not excited of you! You're very ugly for your information!"

His answer seemed horribly lame even to his own ears.

Doctor Yuki only smirked in return and didn't say anything. The room was quiet and it wasn't helping the nervous patient. Shuichi kept playing with the hem of his shirt and Doctor Yuki kept looking at the boy. It was almost the time of sunset and like yesterday everything looked orange. Funny, whenever Shuichi came to this office, it was sunset and sunset reminded him of sadness and Yuki's eyes. Finally, looking up, he waited for his doctor to say something.

"Have you ever been in love?"

It was the most unexpected question that he was expecting to hear. Scratching his head in a funny way, he asked:

"Why do you ask?"

"It's a personal question. You don't have to answer."

"I...no…I've never been in love." and quietly he whispered." I never had the time."

Doctor Yuki only nodded his head. He was expecting Shuichi to answer like this.

"So, what are you waiting for?"

Shuichi looked at Doctor Yuki with a confused expression on his face. Yuki always made him feel confused and embarrassed. The combination of these two feelings wasn't good at all. Doctor Yuki's presence always made all of his emotions rush into his heart. Doctor Yuki was like adrenaline for his blood. Sometimes it made him feel calm sometimes exited and sometimes scared.

"What do you mean? What should I do?"

"I want to know."

"You want to know what?"

"I'm interested to know why you're so excited whenever you're around me."

Shuichi's eyes widened and then narrowed dangerously. Holding his breath, he hissed:

"You know what? I really hate you!"

Doctor Yuki stood and without saying anything, he sat on the desk in front of Shuichi and put his foot between the young boy's legs. His foot was dangerously near a place that it shouldn't have been. Shuichi could almost feel it.

"You know what? It's really fine with me."

Shuichi couldn't open his mouth to say anything because he was sure that his face and his eyes were reflecting what he was feeling: Fear and anticipation.

Doctor Yuki put his elbow on his leg and looked at his patient. Shuichi could almost feel the coldness around doctor Yuki. He was sure that nobody, yes; nobody was as cold hearted as this blonde man was. Even his voice was cold. Nothing warm existed in Yuki.

"Let's be honest Shuichi. I'm straight and strict and I will not help you until you decide to help yourself. Do you want to help yourself?"

Shuichi nodded his head. This doctor was different from all those physiologists he had seen before. He wasn't sympathetic .Doctor Yuki didn't want to help him because he felt like it was his responsibility as a doctor. Doctor Yuki wasn't impatient he only...wanted to help and god knew that Shuichi needed help. He knew that he was getting worse as minutes were passing by. He could feel the pain in all parts of his body now. It was surrendering him with a great speed, but he didn't want to die now. No; he didn't want to die now. Looking down he whispered

"How can I help myself? They never leave me."

"Your Nightmares?"

Once again, Shuichi nodded and kept looking down. He knew if he looked at those eyes he would forget everything. Those eyes were dangerous. Looking at the depth of those golden eyes needed bravery and it was something that Shuichi was lacking at the moment.

"Want to talk about it?"

Slowly, Shuichi raised his head. Fear was dancing in his eyes; like he was seeing those Nightmares in front of his eyes. Doctor Yuki didn't say a word. Shuichi had to accept them himself first.

Fearfully, Shuichi put his hands over his eyes and shook his head. He had to tell somebody. He had to get ioff his chest. Maybe doctor Yuki was the right person.

"I am scared Doctor Yuki."

Doctor Yuki stayed quiet. Waiting for the boy to continue, knowing if he started talking the young patient would change his mind.

Shuichi swallowed. Was he doing the right thing? Was it right to trust this man or he had to keep it to himself, like he always did? Closing his eyes he continued.

"I'm afraid that they happen in reality. I'm afraid that I'll be the one who will break again. I'm afraid that they'll come and find me again."

"Who are they?"

Shuichi swallowed again and clutched the hem of his shirt. His heart was beating faster and sweat was becoming visible on his forehead. Suddenly the air had left Shuichi's lungs.

"They are strong. They're strong, merciless and harsh. They know me. They betrayed me and they'll come and find me; like they did before. And I won't be able to do anything. They'll kill me this time."

"Who are they?'

Shuichi opened his big, lavender eyes. There were two things clear in them; Fear and hatred, but doctor Yuki didn't look away. He kept staring at the boy's eyes.

"Do you know them?"

Suddenly Shuichi stood up. His body was shaking madly and he was trying to control himself. Pushing the chair away he backed away; like that chair was burning his skin. Everything had started to sway.

"Why do you ask? Why do you care? It's not like that you can help me. No one can. If they want it, they can do it again. Again and again and you can't stop them!"

Quickly, he opened the door. He was about to leave when he heard Doctor Yuki's cold voice.

"You won't go anywhere if you expect others to help you. There's only one person who can help you and it's you. So get a grip on your self and stay strong because I won't help people like you."

Shuichi didn't look back, he just ran away. He ran until he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. Suddenly everything was spinning and his heart was aching. Every breath hurt .He could hear voices but they seemed so far away. They seemed to belong to another world. Everything was turning black and finally, with a painful moan he passed out.


	8. Chapter 8

Shadows prince: Thanks a lot for your reviews.

Disclaimer: Gravitation does not belong to me.

Chapter 8

It was after lunch time when Sun decided to show itself. The clouds disappeared in the sky like smoke and birds started to sing. Although the sun was shining with all its might, it was still cold, so cold that it was making the waters freeze in a blink of an eye. There was no sound of moving cars, no sound of speaking; only the sound of two lonely feet walking on the orange leaves.

_He _stared at the big window. _He_ could tell two blonde men were there. They were speaking, but Shuichi wasn't there. Maybe he was sleep or maybe he was not in the room at all. It did not matter.

_He _leaned on a tree and smirked. Soon, very soon, that boy was going to pay for what he had done. Nobody could escape from him, that pink hair idiot was no exception. _He _was going to have him back. Not because of his stupid father's treats, only because _He_ wanted him. Soon, very soon, every thing would change, not even that doctor could stop him.

That little boy belonged to him, only him and nobody else. Nobody could have him, nobody could touch him and nobody could claim him. His father had given Shuichi to him not this white hospital.

He could still remember the boy's skin on his tongue; _He _could still hear the boy's cries in his ears. _He_ could feel his weak hands on his chest, trying to push him away, but always failing and soon,_ he_ was going to have them all again.

Shuichi belonged to him, only him and nobody else.

Glancing at the window one more time, _he_ turned around and walked away from the giant hospital. Now, it was only a matter of time. _He_ would see Shuichi again and this time, he could not disobey.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"I told you Eiri. This boy is sensitive about this subject. Maybe you had to wait a little more. "

"Tohma, I asked you to trust me and I expect you to do that. I know what I'm doing."

He felt heavy. He could not breathe. His lungs did not want to work; they just wanted to give up. Darkness was blinding him. Darkness would never leave him.

"But look what happened! He had an awful breakdown in front of me. I almost freaked out from fear! Hey...He's waking up. It's better for me to go."

"Why are you hiding yourself from him? Is there something I need to know?"

"No Yuki, you know everything you need to know. I have my own reasons for hiding, but no more words. I'll see you tonight. You know that Mika will kill you if you don't come. Bring Angelina with yourself."

Shuichi painfully opened his eyelids. He just felt like dying .His head was parting in two from pain and his muscles weren't moving. Voices sounded foreign to his ears. They were a mixture of whispers, screams and moans. His mouth was dry. He couldn't feel his tongue moving inside his mouth and his heartbeat was slower than usual.

Somebody sighed next to him.

"I just don't know what to do with you brat. You just had to run like the brat you are and make a fool out of yourself."

Shuichi painfully turned his head to look at the odd doctor. All the muscles in his face stretched. He could feel the pain moving its way toward his eyes to make them wet with salty water.

"Doctor Yuki? All part of my body hurt!"

Doctor Yuki sat on the edge of bed and put his hand on the boy's arm, only to earn a loud cry from his patient. Titling his head, he looked at the arm. That dangerous look came back to his eyes. Rolling the sleeve up, he saw a horribly bruised arm.

"When did this happen?"

Shuichi didn't answer. He only looked away and kept his head down; A sign that was only for guilty people. Shuichi was indeed guilty.

"Shuichi, what did you do?"

Shuichi slowly murmured:

"Nothing"

"Shuichi! "

Doctor Yuki's voice was harsh and demanding, but he still looked down. He just didn't want to tell this one to his doctor. Somehow, he felt like that if he lost this doctor he would lose a very important person in his life and he didn't want it to happen. It was his last chance, his last hope for living.

"I...I'll tell you later, Okay?"

Doctor Yuki didn't say anything. He only took the arm in his left hand to examine it. When Shuichi turned his head around, doctor Yuki was bandaging his arm. He looked at the skillful hands. They were moving so fast it amazed him. Doctor Yuki was meant to become a doctor. His eyes traveled to the man's face. The thoughtful expression was making him look more beautiful than ever.

"Thinking about my face again?"

Shuichi quickly turned his head away, but he didn't miss the smirk that was playing on the older man's lips.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Shuichi was nervously looking at the new doctor. He really looked frightening. The way he was touching his bare chest was making him shiver deep inside. It felt strange; a man's hand running up and down on his chest, making his heart beat come to a halt. Even his heart did not like the intimate touch.

He clutched the white bed sheet and took a deep breath .This man was scaring him more than he wanted to admit and he just hoped that it went unnoticed to doctor Yuki Who was currently leaning on the white door.

Glancing at the famous doctor, he knew that the man had figured it out. He tried to give him a smile but miserably failed and ended up giving the man a sad look. Doctor Yuki didn't wait any longer. Putting a hand on the new doctor's shoulder, he asked him to leave and gladly for Shuichi, the doctor immediately left.

Now that he was alone with Doctor Yuki, he was feeling totally better. He didn't want to admit it, but he always felt safe and comfortable whenever doctor Yuki was around which didn't happen very much.

Doctor Yuki was a busy man .You couldn't find him sitting and doing nothing in the hospital and of course; He spent most of his free time with that woman who Shuichi hated very much. Every time that woman talked to Doctor Yuki or held his hand, Shuichi felt jealously burning his skin and it wasn't something that he wanted doctor Yuki to know.

Whenever doctor Yuki was with that woman, Shuichi felt lonelier than before, sometimes it was impossible to bear it. Loneliness was a destructive feeling, even for a boy who had nothing in his heart but brightness and happiness.

When he looked up, doctor Yuki was looking at him in a very strange way; like he had found out some thing very interesting about Shuichi and it didn't decrease Shuichi's nervousness. It only increased it. Desperately wanting to change the doctor's intense gaze to something else than his face, he shakily asked:

"Can you give me my shirt doctor Yuki? I'm feeling cold."

And he was feeling cold indeed, the coldness of November and Yuki's cold stare on him were making blood freeze in his veins.

Doctor Yuki didn't say anything. He only handed the boy his white shirt and watched him silently putting on his shirt .He could tell that the boy was highly nervous but...

But he was desperate to find out why the boy was so nervous around people. Why didn't he want to bare his skin in front of people? Why did he have nightmares and who were the people that he had talked about?

The only way to find his answers was to be physically near him; however, he couldn't risk doing it himself. It could shatter the trust that he had worked so much to build in the boy's heart.

He needed help in this case; therefore he had asked some nurses and doctors to do the job for him.

The results weren't something he liked. Shuichi would tense at every touch. No matter what gender, He was afraid of them .He could easily read the fear in the boy's eyes. The fear of touch, it only meant one thing, Shuichi had been touched by someone and that person had hurt Shuichi.

Maybe it was related to _them_. It was confusing. Yuki could not understand. The more he wanted to know about Shuichi, the more he was becoming confused. Never ever before, he had been so confused about a patient, but then again, Shuichi was not a normal patient.

It was making him frustrated and the fact that Shuichi didn't want to say anything made everything harder. Everything was hazy for him until today...

He found something very interesting. Shuichi was trying to hide his fear from him. He was trying to act normal. At first, he was confused, but now he knew why and it was most certainly not something he liked.

If he was right, then the boy was in a real problem.

"Shuichi, have you ever had sex before?"

Shuichi visibly flinched and clenched his eyes shut. Suddenly his mouth had gone dry. His heart beat started to race and unpleasant memories started to dance in front of his eyes. Funny, what a simple word could do to him.

"I...well. You know...I..."

Shuichi was stuttering. He just didn't know what to say. Did doctor Yuki know? Was he testing him? Was it necessary to answer him? Was doctor Yuki thinking that he was just a child?

When he opened his eyes, doctor Yuki's head was at the same level as his and those golden eyes were staring at the depth of his lavender one's. They were making his soul burn with an unspeakable bliss. It was making the blood in his veins become warmer. What was this man doing to him?

Doctor Yuki stood straight and took out a temperature from his pocket. Suddenly, the moment of bliss was gone and everything returned back to normal.

"At last do me a favor and open your mouth."

Shuichi quickly obeyed and opened his mouth. Making doctor Yuki angry was the last thing he wanted to do. Eiri put the temperature in the boy's mouth and Shuichi quickly closed his mouth. The cold metal in his mouth was making his tongue itch. It tasted of alcohol and coldness. It tasted of November. He silently looked at his doctor.

"Doctor Yuki. Can you come outside just for a second?"

Mrs. O'Hara's voice broke the silent and Eiri, finding an excuse for leaving the room, quickly left.

The hallway was noisy as usual and Mrs. O'Hara was standing next to the door, looking a bit nervous. Seeing the doctor, she forcefully smiled.

"Doctor Yuki, there's something I have to tell you."

Eiri leaned on the wall and stayed quiet, waiting for her to continue.

"There are two people here from police station. They say they want to talk to Shuichi. I didn't know what to tell them. So I decided to ask you first. What should I...oh look! They're coming here."

Eiri looked at those two officers. Their faces were speaking of harshness and anger and their guns were shining in the white light of the hospital hallway. God damn them! They always appeared in the worst moments possible. Letting them talk to Shuichi was out of question. Shuichi was deeply scared of them and Eiri wasn't ready to risk it. Shuichi's problem was something he wanted to solve himself. These two men were only going to make everything shatter, everything he had worked so hard to build.

"What do you want gentlemen?"

Officers stood next to Eiri and smiled rather rudely. Who the hell they did they think they were? He just wanted to slap them. These two men were going to cause him more problems than necessary.

'I will show their place.'

"We're here to see one of your patients, Shuichi Shindou. There are some questions we have to ask him."

"I'm afraid you can't do that."

Police officers looked at him dazed and taken back, what did the doctor said? Did he really say no? It wasn't every day that somebody disagreed with them.

One of them, understanding that this doctor was different fro the others, politely started.

"But we're officers and..."

"And I don't give a damn. Until he's my patient, no officer is allowed to see him or talk to him. When another doctor became responsible of his health, you can go and tell him that you are officers and you want to ask him some questions. Now, you can leave."

"But doc..."

"You can leave."

"Doctor Yuki..."

"Mrs. O'Hara. These gentlemen seem to have some problems. Please guide them to Mr. Tohma's office. I am sure he can help them."

They give Yuki murderous looks and Yuki stared back with the coldest stare anybody had seen. His golden eyes looked frozen. Officers turned around. Both of them were cursing under their breaths and of course. It was not useful.

Eiri watched them leave and sighed. This day was going to be very long. He just wanted to go home and rest. He didn't know why, but for some unknown reasons, he couldn't enjoy his life any longer. It was getting dull and lifeless. Somehow, he was feeling very lonely. No matter how many people were around him, something was missing in his life and he just didn't know how to get that something.

Some one was shaking his sleeve. He shook his head and turned around.

Shuichi was standing next to him with a temperature in his mouth. This innocent look in his eyes made doctor Yuki smile. This boy always made him feel better. Shuichi was a remembrance of innocence and happiness in his dull life.

"You don't want to stay here forever brat, do you?"

Shuichi shook his head and leaned on the cold wall. Standing for a long time always made him dizzy. The white light looked brighter than usual and the noises became fainter.

Doctor Yuki pulled the temperature out if Shuichi's mouth and studied it. With a frown, he looked at Shuichi.

"Why do you have fever?"

Shuichi shook his head to show he did not know the reason and stayed quiet. Somehow, he didn't feel like talking. His mouth was dry and his head was spinning. Closing his eyes, he unconsciously leaned on doctor Yuki. Doctor Yuki was strong and warm. Something he badly needed at the moment.

Eiri was surprised when the sick boy leaned on him, but he didn't say anything. It wasn't right to let the boy stand for a long time. Embracing the boy bride style, he carried him to his room and noticed that oddly, the boy was very light, like a pink feather.

Shuichi moaned when his back made contact with the uncomfortable white bed, but didn't bother to open his eyes. A sharp pain in his arm told him that someone was injecting something into him, but he still didn't open his eyes.

"Brat, why did you stand for so long when you knew you would feel dizzy?"

Shuichi cracked an eye open to see doctor Yuki standing next to his bed. Weakly, he answered:

"I don't know. I just like to make troubles for you. It's fun."

Doctor Yuki raised and eyebrow. Making trouble for him? Where did that come from?

Absentmindedly, he ruffled the boy's hair and noticed that it was very soft. His young patient was already sleeping and for the first time, he took time to study the boy's features. You couldn't tell that he was really beautiful. Maybe because he looked sick and pale but there was something attractive in his face that attracted everyone's attention. Eric told himself that it was pure innocence.

Yuki didn't look American. He didn't look European either. His skin was darker than his and his hair was pink. His eyes, they were lavender, a very odd color. He looked really slender and thin, maybe because he had been sick for a long time. But still, the boy looked lovely. Eiri thought that there was no word other than lovely to describe Shuichi. Shuichi was like a doll.

Groaning softly, he ran a hand through his forehead .Never before he had problems understanding people. People were always very easy to read. They were usually a typical type .Arrogant, ignorant, lost, care free, easy going, and depressed or maybe combination of some of them. But when it came to Shuichi, he didn't know anymore. True, Shuichi had been sick for a long time. He had been in hospitals for a long time, but there was a fire of passion and need in his yes that couldn't go unnoticed. Eiri couldn't understand what Shuichi wanted, but his eyes always lit up whenever he said he was strong, whenever he wanted to prove that he could do things on his own. Maybe that was the reason why he couldn't understand the boy. Never ever before he had seen somebody like him; so innocent but so determined.

Eiri nodded his head. Yes, that was the reason why he was challenging the boy.

Going to the balcony he lit up a cigarette. Life was cruel sometimes. Outside this hospital there were so many people who were unworthy of being who they were. So indifferently and so unconsciously they were living. So foolishly they were wasting their time and here a young boy no more than 18 was fighting for his life because, because...

Eiri sighed. The problem was here. He didn't know why. He didn't know what the boy wanted. He didn't know why the boy was so sick .He didn't know who had hurt him. He didn't know why nobody visited him. He didn't know why the boy was so scared of people. He didn't know why he was so shy. He didn't no why he was insisting to prove that he was strong. As he thought deeply he came to this conclusion that he knew nothing about his patient but the fact that his name was Shuichi Shindou, he had a heart disease and something bad happened to him before.

Turning around, he looked at the boy who was peacefully sleeping on the hospital bed. The sky was getting dark but there were no clouds. The sun was disappearing behind the tall mountains. Wind was slapping his face forcefully. Never before, he had felt this bad. The feeling he had inside of him was indescribable. Something was eating him from inside, making him shiver from fear but fear of what? What was he afraid of? He didn't feel like going home. He knew the reason. It was because he didn't want to leave the boy alone. It was the reason why he was so afraid. He was afraid of losing this young patient without solving the riddle, the riddle that was eating his mind. He had told himself over and over that he was going to understand Shuichi's problems, but now he knew that he couldn't continue on like this. He needed information. He needed to know more about this boy and people who knew Eiri knew this fact that Eiri always got what he wanted.

Leaving the room quietly, he told himself:

"Tomorrow is a new day after all! I have all the time in the world to solve the riddle!"


	9. Chapter 9

Shadows prince: Thanks for your reviews, I really appreciate them. Thanks again and again and again. Thanks

Disclaimer: Gravitation does not belong to me.

Chapter 9

A sound of clicking could be heard and a door opened. Every where was dark. Moonlight was peering inside the rooms from the big windows, making everything look palely golden. Everything looked like …Yuki's eyes. .The sound of footsteps echoed in the big apartment. The lights went on and revealed Eiri. The tall man went straight into his bedroom.

Every thing looked foreign and strange. It seemed they belonged to somewhere else, they looked uncomfortable and lonely, even the picture of the smiling boy on Eiri's desk. The young boy looked sad, almost guilty for what he had done to the blonde man.

Eiri was feeling horribly light headed as he made his way towards his bed. Four full glasses of bear and a glass of red wine had done their work and now, He was seduced, Seduced by two bright eyes and full lips, seduced by slender frame and fair skin, seduced by honest smiles and shyness, seduced by blushes and pouts.

Yes, Eiri Yuki, A well- known professor, a charming, beautiful, intelligent and sexy man was seduced by the innocence of a young boy, as impossible as it seemed.

Eiri's body was aching from working for so long and his head was spinning. Although his lips were aching for a cigarette, he just ignored the need and lied down on his king sized bed. Staring at the fool moon, He thought how much Shuichi looked like this moon, Pale but beautiful, small but bright. His mind drifted to his young patient. Shuichi and his stubbornness, Shuichi and his innocence, Shuichi and his childishness, Shuichi and...

Eiri shook his head. Everything was uncertain about that boy. He was dying to know more about him. To know who he was, what he liked and what he disliked. Why was he in the hospital and so many other whys, but he couldn't risk the little trust he had won with such difficulties.

Trust...he mouthed the world to himself. It seemed new and queer. Was it necessary to win the boy's trust? Was it necessary to help the boy? Why was he helping him? He was sure it wasn't because of Tohma. He never cared about Tohma. Tohma's worries had nothing to do with him. It wasn't because he felt responsible because He wasn't a responsible doctor .Then what was the reason? Why he wanted to help Shuichi? Why he wanted to make him feel better? What was the reason for him to feel like this? Why was he feeling seduced?

Eiri sat on his bed and ran a hand through his well combed blonde hair. Everyone knew that Eiri was a rich playboy who didn't gave a damn about anybody. He was a sexy blonde hair who did what he felt like doing, nothing more and nothing less. How many people had he slept with? He couldn't remember. He didn't want to remember. Life was just fine like this. He always told himself that he liked to be left alone. That the power of one was stronger than two but now...

He could feel that something was not right. Something was missing. It wasn't love. It couldn't be love because he simply didn't believe in love. It wasn't money because he was as rich as a 28-year-old can be. It wasn't loneliness because he worshipped loneliness. It wasn't desire or sex because damn it! It was only an hour ago that he turned Angelina down for the third time in a week. Then what was missing? What was the problem? What was Shuichi doing to him?

He always knew the answers. He was the best. Nothing was a mystery to him, so what was the sudden change of events? Why Shuichi had made him so confused and powerless? He was just a fucking kid for god's sake!

Every morning he told himself that he was going to forget about Shuichi and Shuichi was out of his life, but whenever he passed the young boy's room, a magical power made him go inside and talk to that little angel who had pink hair and lavender eyes, lavender eyes that always shone with innocence. Always something made him go inside just to see that shining light inside the boy's big eyes. He always visited him just to hear him say 'doctor Yuki'. He always visited him just to see those small pink lips pout or tighten. Somehow he had become addicted to Shuichi.

He could remember that day when Shuichi cried on his chest. The memory was so vivid. He could still smell Shuichi's scent. It wasn't something normal. He smelled like a...child. He smelled of ...He didn't know. He had never smelled something like Shuichi. Shuichi's scent wasn't earthy.

Eiri shook his head with frustration .He was a man and here, he was thinking about Shuichi's scent! Getting up angrily, he changed into his pajamas and went to the bathroom. Looking at himself in the mirror, he saw a tired face of a famous intelligent doctor who was confused.

"Who am I?"

It was the first thing that had crossed his mind when he met Shuichi. Was he the person he wanted to become? Was life always like this, so plain and so colorless? Was it going to stay like this? Was he ...happy?

He always told himself that people who were seeking for happiness had nothing in their life, but was it right to live like this? Something was missing in his life, a missing part that he was longing to find. What was that missing part? What could it be?

The sound of doorbell made him come back to the earth. Closing the bathroom door, he walked toward the door. Sighing softly, he opened the door and was met with the beautiful girl he had come to know only two months ago.

Angelina sweetly smiled and raised her right hand. Eric immediately recognized his wallet and stared at it. The wallet kept staring back but Eiri didn't know what to say. Tonight his mind wasn't working properly and he had a bad desire to sit on the hard ground and cry like a baby.

Not waiting for another second to pass, he grabbed Angelina by the waist and pinned her against the cold wall. He just hoped that tonight's activities would make him forget about that missing part, but he knew that he was only fooling himself. Through the night, he made love to her when his mind was whispering one word over and over, loving it, worshiping it, memorizing it in the depths of pleasure…Shuichi.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Fear was filling the room like a poison. Everything looked frozen, out of place. There was nothing warm and soothing there, only the freezing touch of horrifying memories.

The room was cold and damp. It was always like this. He didn't like it. It made him frightened and shaky. The walls of the room held so many terrible memories. They looked unforgiving, mocking him, scaring him, making him want to cry.

He circled his trembling hands around his weak knees and listened, but there was no sound, not even the sound of his heart beat. His heart was aching. It was making him feel sick, it was making him want to vomit, but he was too scared to say anything. It was better to stay quiet.

The pale moonlight was making his slender form shine in the corner of the room. He looked like a small pink rose trapped in an endless desert, a desert made of a man's desires, made of a man's madness or was it made of the cruelty of life? Maybe it wasn't the man he was fighting with, maybe it was his destiny that was against him. Yes, he knew it from the beginning that the winner of this battle was chosen when he wasn't born. Nobody could win against destiny. He was the loser from the very beginning of the game. Was it even a game?

The door opened. He could not see anything, but he knew who was there, he knew by the sound of heavy foot steps, he knew by the new smell in the room, the smell was unforgivable; it was disgusting, nauseating and filthy. Something he could never forget. It was the smell of a man who he feared the most. The fear made him paralyzed. He only hugged his knees tighter. There was nothing he could do.

The man knelt next to him. He could feel the coldness of the man. He could almost feel the cruel smirk, the brutal hands, and the evil sparkle in the eyes. There was nothing he could do.

A hand touched the skin of his neck, making it dirty. A voice whispered in his ear.

"I missed you beautiful."

There was nothing he could do….

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Mrs. O'Hara was tired, so tired that she was ready to fall sleep on the damned small and uncomfortable chair, but she didn't. She fixed her small green eyes on the picture of a nurse hanging on the wall. The picture was showing that every body should be quiet in the hospital. Mrs. O'Hara sighed. Every idiot knew to be quiet in the damned hospital and it was always quiet. The silence always made you want to commit suicide. There were always pictures of death people in her mind, but God knew how much she loved this job. She did not know why, but she always felt proud of being a nurse, she always felt proud of helping people.

Sleep was over taking her. She was almost sleep when she heard a noise. It was from room 107, the room of that pink hair boy, the poor but lovely boy. The sounds increased. They were moans, but when she listened more carefully, the looked more like whimpers.

Standing up slowly, she walked to the room and opened the white door. It was what she always did to the boy, waking the boy up. Shuichi never spoke about those dreams, but one thing she was sure of was that the dreams, no, the nightmares were horrible. She could tell by the tears on the boys face and the helpless moans.

The boy was hugging the pillow next to him so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. His head was trashing from one side to the other. Sweat was visible on his now, very pale face. His mouth was slightly open. His whimpers were filling the room….he was having a nightmare…again.

Mrs. O'Hara Sighed. It was not his first time. It always happened every single night….poor boy…but this time, there was something different.

She stood next to the boy and shook him, once, twice, but no, he was not waking up. He was talking to himself. Now, this one was new, Shuichi had never talked in his dreams before.

"No, Don't do it, please don't do it, I swear! No! No!"

Shuichi was calling a name under his breath over and over. At first, she couldn't understand who he was calling, but the calling became louder, more desperate, more needing.

"Yuki…Yuki…Yuki…"

She gasped loudly as the boy started to tremble. It was a sickening sight. Mrs. O'Hara watched as the boy's body went rigid. She started to shake him forcefully now, but no, this time he was not waking up.

"Yuki…Yuki…Yuki…"

She went out to find a phone as fast as she could. As she picked up the found, she noticed that her hands were shaking, just like Shuichi's body.

"Hello?"

"Doctor Yuki? This is Nurse O'Hara speaking…"

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Eiri robbed his eyes as he made his way to the room 105, or was it 109? He could not remember. He was peacefully sleeping next to Angelina's warm body when the phone had ranged. It was a nurse talking a bout a boy or something like that. He almost groaned. Damn this fucking hospital! Couldn't they leave him alone? He knew that in the morning, he had hell to pay. Angelina was going to kill him with endless questions, thinking he had gone and slept with somebody else. Who did they think he was? He was not a sex machine! He did not sleep with everybody, at last not after he had seen Shuichi. Every time he had sex, the image of the boy with that smile would burn his mind.

"Oh Doctor Yuki! I'm so sorry for calling you in this late hour, but there was nothing we could do! He's been calling your name over and over!"

"Who?"

His mind started to work again. Somebody was calling his name. Somebody was having a nightmare. They could not wake him up. Damn the nightmares. Damn the hospital. Damn him. Damn the world. He was not in the mood of handling psychopaths.

"Shindou sir."

He did not wait anymore. He went straight to the room which he was so familiar with and true to Mrs. O'Hara's words; the boy was having a nightmare. He was looking in a great pain. Cold sweat was running from his forehead on his pale cheeks, his eyes were tightly shut and his hands were clenching and unclenching the pillow.

He sat on the bed and listened.

"Help! Help! No! No! Help…Help!"

Eiri did not say anything. The boy's was full of fear, full of pain. What was he seeing? What could possibly make him so scared?

"Yuki…Yuki…Yuki…"

At first, he thought he heard wrong. Shuichi could not say his name in the middle of his nightmare. He wasn't the cause of Shuichi's nightmares, right?

A doctor came in. He looked very young, probably one of those doctors who were working to gain experience. Yuki had never seen him before. There was a syringe in the man's hand. He guessed it was for making Shuichi sleep.

Yuki slowly shook Shuichi's slender arm, but he did not react. His face was flushed with pain and fear.

"He will not wake up. It's not his first night. We always inject him. There is no other way. If we don't give him drugs, he will suffer until morning comes."

The young man was about to inject the syringe, when Yuki heard his name again. Shuichi was indeed saying his name, but it was not painful, nor was it fearful. It was desperate, in a pleading tone. Yuki stopped the man from injecting. Maybe there was something he could do.

The emotions he was feeling in that moment was indescribable. It was ecstasy and happiness mixed with a fear unknown to his mind.

The boy's voice was desperate, needing, pleading.

A chill ran down on his spine. Shuichi looked so vulnerable, so helpless, and so defenseless. He looked ready to be taken. Yuki inwardly shivered. No! Nobody had the right to take Shuichi. It was impossible.

"Yuki…Yuki…"

"Shuichi…Shuichi…wake up. I'm here, you're safe. Come on, wake up."

Nothing happened. The boy's pleading voice increased as if he had recognized the rich sound of Eiri.

"Yuki…Yuki…"

"I'm here Shuichi, You are safe. It's over. I'm here now, wake up, wake up."

Like a powerful magic, the whispers of Yuki, Made Shuichi calm down. Those lovely lavender eyes did not open, but the boy's face was now serene. He was not having a nightmare anymore. The young boy looked so…innocent.

Yuki, not being able to stop himself, gathered the boy in his arms. He was so cold. It felt like life was gone from his body. Yuki shivered again. Shuichi's head was on the crook of his neck, making it wet by the tears, but he did not mind.

The young doctor was looking at the scene in utter disbelief. So people were right when they were saying this Yuki doctor could do magic. Maybe he really did know about magic. Nobody had done this ever before. How could his whispers make the nightmares go? Why was the boy calling for help from Doctor Yuki? It was scary.

Soon, the boy was sleeping like a small baby, with easiness on the beautiful, but pale face. Yuki quietly left the room, but he did not go home instead, he went to his office and watched the moon fading and the sky getting red and blue. Soon, the sun was going to rise.

A new feeling was rising in him too. A feeling of burning passion in his stomach going toward his heard. The voice was still clear in his mind, that pleasuring voice of the pink hair boy, calling his name with plead, asking for help from him, him and nobody else.

A small smile appeared on his lips and unlike so many times before, it was real.

Shuichi did not remember anything in the morning.


	10. Chapter 10

Shadows prince: Hey people! Thanks for your lovely reviews!

Disclaimer: Gravitation doesn't belong to me.

Chapter 10

"Professor Mitchell, Mr. Yuki wants to meet you. Shall I say you are busy?"

The old man took off his glasses and hurriedly stood up. His hair was pure white and wrinkles were visible on his round face, a perfect face for a professor.

"No Ms. Pitt. Tell him to come in. He's not a patient!"

The door closed and the woman disappeared. The old man's eyes were fixed on the wooden door until it opened and relieved his most favorite student.

Yuki hadn't changed much, but he looked like a man now, his eyes looked more mature and his face was speaking of a well- known man. He looked taller and more manish; But Yuki was Yuki, His most intelligent and strangest student in all his life as a professor.

Yuki bowed his head a little and murmured a 'hi' under his breath. Professor Mitchell smiled warmly and mentioned for Yuki to come nearer.

"What has brought my favorite Yuki here? I missed you young man! I have heard you have become a well- known doctor. To be honest, I did not expect anything less from you. You had the ability in you; I have to admit I was very disappointed when you chose heart over the brain though but no matter. I know in reality you always chose brain. You're a man with logic Eiri. That's why I like you."

The old man chuckled and shook his head.

"I'm giving you a head ache. Come, take a seat and tell me why you've come to see this old man."

Yuki obeyed quietly and sat on the wooden chair. Professor Mitchell sat in front of him behind his desk and took his time to study Eiri. No, he had not changed much, but he could tell that the younger professor was worried about something. He knew Eiri better than anybody else.

"Professor Mitchell, I have come to you because I believe you are the best professor ever when it comes to brain."

"You are not sick Eiri, are you?"

"No, no I am not, but someone close to mine is."

Professor Mitchell sighed in relief. He leaned on the chair and locked his green eyes to the golden eyes of Yuki. His worried features changed into something more serene; the thoughtful expression did not leave the old face though.

"What can I do for you? What's wrong that you can not solve it yourself?"

"I don't know. Last night, I saw something very strange. Something I had never seen nor had heard about before. I only hope you know about it."

Yuki ran a hand through his temple and tried to remember what exactly had happened last night. The more he thought about it, the more confused he became.

"Professor… is it possible for a person to call somebody in a nightmare and when he hears that person, the nightmare leaves?"

Professor Mitchell titled his head and looked at Yuki. There was a confused expression on his serene face now.

"You mean without the person waking up?"

Yuki nodded his head and stayed quiet.

"Tell me everything Yuki. Have you seen it with your eyes?"

"Yes, yes I have."

Yuki put his elbows on the desk and tried to collect his thoughts, from the very beginning until last night. There was nothing wrong with the boy when he was awake, he looked perfectly normal. He did not know what to do anymore.

"I have a patient. He is suffering from a heart disease; I believe he has suffered from an early arteriosclerosis. I have seen angina pectoris in him. I do not know the reason yet, but it not something that is plaguing me. I know he has had nightmares for a long time now. This is not something unusual. So many people in hospital have nightmare but his nightmares…they are beginning to scare me."

"What is so special about them?"

"It's foolish, really, but I think the nightmares are something more than just bad dreams. Last night, I saw him. The way he was acting in his sleep, it felt so …real."

"What are you trying to tell me, Eiri? What have you discovered?"

Yuki leaned on the chair and took a deep breath. It couldn't be. It simply couldn't be real, but why it sounded so horrifying…so real?

"I think…I think that he did feel my presence when I said his name. I think he was conscious and unconscious at the same time."

"Eiri, what you are saying is impossible. It is not logical!"

"Nor was the boy I saw last night! Then why he calmed down when I asked him to?"

He sighed frustrated.

"It is too complicated to explain professor. There are so many questions in my head. Why was he calling me in the first place? Why doesn't he remember anything when he wakes up? He only knows he sees nightmares because others had told him so, but I can see something in his eyes. I am scared for the boy. I am sure he is suffering from something greater that angina pectoris."

Silence filled the room. Neither of them said anything. Both of them were looking at the distance, thinking about the exchanged words between them.

Professor's voice broke the silence.

"If somebody else told me about this, I would say he was crazy, but I know you Eiri. You know what you say and you know what you do. I myself do not believe in the reality of nightmares or things like this very much, but I will give you a book to read. I will come and see him if it is necessary, but Eiri…"

He pushed for a second.

"You are psychologist. You know how dangerous it is to deal with these patients. You remember Howard, don't you?"

Yuki did not answer.

"What I am trying to say is that you should not push him off his limits. Be patient with him, especially now that he's suffering from arteriosclerosis. I will come and see him."

Yuki slowly stood up. His mind was not working well today, maybe it was because he had not slept at all, or maybe it was because of Shuichi. He did not know. The day was getting worse and worse.

He did not say a word as he opened the office door. When he was about to go, he heard the old man's voice that way saying:

"Get the book from Ms. Pitt. And remember to tell me about the results."

Yuki quietly left the office. A long day was waiting for him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The hospital was drawn in a deadly silent. Most of the lights were off. There was no sign of nurses or doctors in the hallway, but if you looked more closely, you would see a young boy, wearing a white shirt and white pants, standing next to a door, looking very unsure.

Shuichi looked around once more. He was quite sure there was nobody there, but he couldn't help himself. What he was doing was quite wrong. If somebody found him, they would rip his head off.

He carefully and silently opened the door and stepped inside. Doctor Yuki's office was dark and quiet. His heart was beating fast from nervousness but he chose to ignore it. Something important was playing in his mind at the moment, namely, Doctor Yuki's personal life.

He looker around and took a deep breath. Now that he was here, there was no turning back.

He knew it wasn't right to search for his doctor's private life in his office without any permission, but he simply couldn't stop himself anymore. Doctor Yuki always made him feel...He couldn't put his finger on it. It was a new feeling for him. Whenever Doctor Yuki was around him, he felt ecstatic and embarrassed at the same time. Ecstatic because Doctor Yuki had a personality that made you want to be near him as much as possible and embarrassed because every time Doctor Yuki stared at him he felt...warm and his voice, there was something especial about his voice. It was comforting. He liked the coldness in the rich voice.

Shuichi shook his head to get rid of the thoughts. It wasn't the time or the place to think about these silly things. He was in doctor Yuki's office and it was possible for everybody to find him there and then...no, he didn't want to think about the results.

What would happen if Doctor Yuki found him in his own office?

The room was getting darker and darker .It was almost impossible to see anything but he didn't dare to turn on the light. It was wrong to attract attention. While he was searching for doctor Yuki's bookcase, he thought that how much doctor Yuki was like shadows.

When something is hidden in the shadows you can't fully understand what it is. Sometimes you think what you're looking at is a man but when you turn on the light you see that it was only a coat which was hanging from the wall.

Doctor Yuki was exactly like this. Shuichi was sure that another man was hidden in Doctor Yuki's shadow and he wanted to know that man. He wanted to know Eiri, not Doctor Yuki. He wanted to know if the man was really emotionless or he was hiding them and if he was hiding them, what was the reason? He could not stop himself from wondering. He was a curious boy by nature and God knew how many times he had paid for his curiosity. He shuddered at the memories.

Finally finding the book case, he tried to read the name of books in the semi darkness of the room. Once, his mother had told him that he could understand people's personalities by the books they read. He wondered what kind of books this famous doctor liked to read.

_Heart diseases...Anatomy of body...Power of the brain...How to stay healthy...Know about common diseases...Learning human anatomy...Physiology..._

Shuichi sighed. The never ending scientific books were making his poor head spin. How was he supposed to understand anything about doctor Yuki's personal life with these books? They were all scientific, something Shuichi was not interested in at all.

He sighed again. Maybe he had to search his locket? Yes, it was a good idea, but then he reminded himself that no sane man would leave his locker unlocked.

Disappointed, he was about to turn around when suddenly, he saw a note book. The cover was red. Interested all of a sudden, He picked up the notebook .It didn't look very old. Opening it carefully he read what was written in the first page.

My dear Eiri,I will love you until the end of time!

Shuichi took a deep breath. Was it from that blonde girl? Suddenly he was scared. What if doctor Yuki was married? If it was true, then what he was going to do?

He decided that he did not like this idea at all. Doctor Yuki could not be married. He told himself that there was no difference if Doctor Yuki was married or not, but his answer did not convince himself at all. He had to be single! The man could not get along with any woman or so Shuichi liked to think like that, but in reality, he knew that he was lying to himself. It seemed that blonde woman liked Yuki very much and worse, it seemed that Yuki liked here back. Shuichi shuddered again.

He turned over the page but quickly closed his eyes. He just didn't have the courage to look at the open notebook anymore. He did not know what was written in it. What if it was a love letter? What if…?

Shaking his head, he opened his eyes. Nothing was written on the new page. He sighed in relief, but then he saw a picture. There was only a picture of a young boy. Maybe 18 or maybe he was 19. The boy looked quite nice and pleasant. His hair was black and his blue eyes were shining with happiness. As he turned over the page, he saw another picture. It was from the same boy. That boy was standing next to the younger Eiri, who was smiling warmly.

'I've never seen him smile so warmly.'

He felt a pang of jealously in hid heart but ignored it. He could not be jealous. It was only a fucking picture!

All of the pages were full of pictures from that boy and doctor Yuki. He was about to close the book from anger when suddenly a Piece of paper fell on the ground. Highly curious, He picked it up. It was impossible to read what was written in it in the darkness. Silently he went next to the window and leaned on the cold wall. His heart was beating faster than before but he ignored it again and started to read.

_Howard,_

_Now that I'm sending this letter to you, you might be anywhere, but I have to write this for you. It's essential. There have been so many things in my mind lately. I needed to think. I needed to clear my mind. It was the only reason why I left England; I'll come back this week though._

_Professor Mitchell has told me about your condition and I have to admit that I am most certainly not happy about it. I clearly remember that I told you what to eat and where to go before I left, but knowing you…_

_Howard, these things are not the reasons why I am writing this letter. We both know what I am talking about. I guess you are confused, so am I. I never expected… _

"Interesting letter, isn't it?"

Suddenly the lights went on and to Shuichi's horror, doctor Yuki appeared next to the door. He was staring coolly at Shuichi but he could see a fire of anger behind the cool mask. He was afraid that his heart was going to burst from fear at any moment. The letter fell on the ground but Shuichi didn't pick it up. He was too afraid to move. His body was shaking and he didn't have the courage to speak.

It was a horrifying moment for Shuichi. His body went cold. The worst thing he was expecting to happen happened. What was Doctor Yuki going to do him? His mind went numb.

Eiri closed the door and went toward Shuichi. His elegant steps echoed in the silent office .Standing next to the young boy, he looked at those full of fear eyes and put his hand on the wall. He was too close to Shuichi. He could almost feel his patient's heart beat. It was fast and unsteady.

"It looks like that you were exploring my office. Did you find anything interesting beside that notebook?"

Shuichi was speechless. In fact he didn't hear what doctor Yuki had said at all. He couldn't see doctor Yuki anymore. Memories were flashing in his mind. He wanted to scream but his mouth was too dry to form a word.

...The ground was cold and wet. He could taste his own blood on his lips. He could hear a cruel voice but he couldn't do anything. His hands were tied .He was sore but that man didn't stop. He shouldn't have done it. He shouldn't have disobeyed. _He_ had warned him. He should have listened. ...

"Shuichi, can you hear me?"

...His cries were muffled since somebody was pushing his head to the ground .Something hard hit his back. Tears were running on his cheeks. He couldn't open his eyes. He couldn't see anything. Fear was making him immobile. Who were they? He wanted to cry. He was scared. He was too scared...

"Shuichi, open your eyes. Shuichi, please open your eyes."

...blood was running on his legs. He couldn't move. Drops of rain were hitting his bare back. That hard thing hit his back again. It was getting harder and harder to bear._ He_ was not this cruel before...

..."Interesting night, isn't it?"

…He ran under the table. His father's steps were echoing in the room. His heart was beating fast. He did not want to go.

…she did not breathe any more. He could not see her. It was freezing cold.

…The water was making him freeze. He was scared. He could not see her anymore…

Shuichi opened his eyes. Someone was splashing water on his face. A pang of pain in his chest made him moan loudly. As everything stopped spinning, he felt somebody on him. Now wide awake, he tried to push the man away, but the man had pinned him down. He felt scared. He didn't want to be hurt anymore.

"Calm down Shuichi!"

"No...No! Please don't hurt me anymore!"

Eiri was trying to calm Shuichi down but nothing seemed to work. The boy wasn't listening at all. He was tossing and turning. It was almost impossible to make him listen. He was not here. It seemed he was somewhere else. He was talking to another person. Yuki sighed, frustrated.

"Please don't do it anymore! I swear I won't run away anymore! I'll listen to whatever you say! I swear! Please...It hurts too much"

Suddenly Eiri let go of the boy. He was too shocked to do anything. What did Shuichi mean? _Don't hurt me anymore...I won't run away...It hurts too much. _Those words did not mean good at all.

When he looked back at Shuichi he had hugged in knees and was crying. Snapping back he quickly hugged Shuichi lightly, trying not to scare him this time.

"Calm down Shuichi .It's me! It's only me. I won't hurt you. I have promised, remember?"

Shuichi looked at Yuki's serene face. His eyes were shining with tears and his cheeks were a fade shade of red. Shuichi circled his hands around Eiri's neck.

"Doctor Yuki?"

Eiri allowed a small smile to appear on his lips and hugged Shuichi. His face was so close to Shuichi's. He could feel Shuichi's short breaths on his face. Shuichi's lips quivered again and fresh tears appeared in his purple eyes.

"I'm so sorry."

Eiri's smile widened. Shuichi looked too adorable with his lips quivering; his face flushed from crying and his hair messy .For one moment Eiri was looking at the pink hair boy and next…

His lips were pressed to Shuichi's.

His lips were wet, soft, warm and inexperienced. Eiri closed his eyes. He didn't know what he was doing but he was enjoying the kiss too much to draw his head back. Hugging the boy closer he pressed his lips more firmly to Shuichi's .He felt Shuichi trying to kiss back. Although his actions were screaming 'completely inexperienced', Eiri didn't mind at all. He was tired of experienced lips any way.

The kiss was strange for both of them. Strange for Shuichi because it was his first kiss with a man, well, it was his first kiss in total. He had never kissed anybody before and strange for Yuki because, never before, he had kissed a boy like…this. The kiss was different from all the kisses he had shared.

"Doctor Yuki, about the patient in the room 104,I must tell you..."

Hearing the voice of Doctor Butler, Eiri sharply drew his head back and bitted his lip. He just didn't have the courage to look at Shuichi .He was afraid to see regret and fear in those eyes. Instead, he fixed his eyes on the cursed doctor who was standing next to the door with raised eyebrows.

"Is something wrong doctor Yuki? Do you need my help?"

Eiri clenched his teeth together and stood up. His hate for Doctor Butler had reached to its highest level possible. Taking a deep breath, he shook his head to get rid of the thoughts of those sweet lips. Clearing his throat and forcefully smiling, he tried to answer.

"No doctor Butler. Everything is just fine. You were saying something about a patient. Please continue."

He could feel Shuichi shifting on the cold floor, but he didn't look at him. For the first time in his life, he was regretting what he had done. He was unsure if they were going to be the same after the kiss. However his heart was reminding him that he didn't want to be just a doctor for Shuichi anymore. Shaking his head he tried to concentrate on what doctor Butler was saying which appeared to be more difficult than what he was originally expecting.

'Damn you Shuichi! What have you done to me?'

"...So I think it's a good idea to let her..."

"I'm sorry doctor Butler, but tonight I'm really tired. I think it's a better idea to discuss about this matter tomorrow."

Doctor Butler raised an eyebrow and looked at the young boy who was currently sitting on the hard floor. The boy's cheeks were red from embarrassment and his face was wet but, Doctor Butler knew better than to ask doctor Yuki what the problem was.

He was sure that he had seen them kissing but again he didn't ask anything. Doctor Yuki was Mr. Seguchi's favorite doctor after all, but that boy on the floor...Doctor Butler slowly smiled.

"That's okay with me. I'll see you tomorrow at your office. Good night."

And to Eiri's relief, Doctor Butler left his office. Sighing deeply, he was about to turn around when Shuichi hurriedly got up and ran out of the office. Yuki did not miss the fresh tears that were running on his cheeks.

Eiri knew he had to go after Shuichi but he couldn't move. He felt like the room was out of air. He tried to take a deep breathe but failed. Somehow he was feeling that he had lost a very important thing in his life.

'What am I going to do?'

For the first time in his entire life, he didn't know the answer to a question.


	11. Chapter 11

Shadows' prince: I am so sorry for the long delay, but I was on a trip for four days and I could not write anything there. Please forgive me.

2) Thank you four your lovely reviews. You all made my day! I am so glad to hear that you like my story. Please continue on reviewing, because if you don't, I won't be able to write anymore. Thank you again guys. I owe you all I have!

3) I want to thank nameless star for her supports. She always gives me idea even though she does not agree with man/man relationships. I only wanted to say that I dearly love her. She's my motivation in writing and studying and she always makes me understand that I have to follow my dreams and never give up. Thank you nameless star. I love you and Leyla more than anybody in this world.

4) Sorry if this chapter is a bit long.

Disclaimer: Should I really repeat a sentence over and over?

Disclaimer

Chapter 11

"Do you have time for a poor patient Doctor Yuki?"

"You are not poor Tatsuha. You are just a spoiled brat."

Tatsuha did not say anything. Quietly, he crossed the big office and sat on the long white bed and sighed. Tonight was cooler than usual. This damned autumn had become more miserable than other autumns that he had experienced in his 18 years of life. His father was getting pickier, he was getting older. His mother still thought that he was a five-year-old who did not know anything and his sister…he inwardly shivered. That woman was crazy.

Living in his father's house was getting harder and harder to bear. Now he knew why Yuki had left. For many years he thought Yuki was wrong. He always thought Yuki was too arrogant to live in a normal way, but now that he was thinking more about it, he was coming to this conclusion that sooner or later he had to leave himself.

"Why are you here Tatsuha? It is late and I want to go home. Today was a bitchy day and I have no time for you."

Yuki was not looking at his younger sibling. He was staring at an open book in his hands, but his eyes were not seeing any words. They were not seeing any pages. His eyes were clouded with a picture of a young boy, not much older than his own brother, with bright lavender eyes and a wounded heart. His ears were filed with a sound of a young boy, the childish voice which never ceased to amaze him and his mind…he did not know what to think about what had happened only thirty minutes ago.

'It's better to forget about it. It was only an accident. It did not mean anything.'

He was not sure if he had convinced himself or not.

"Oh Yuki, I am horribly sick! You are not that cruel to not to cure me and throw me out, are you? Because if you shoot me out, I will most certainly not go and let doctor Butler cure me. I swear his thirsty to drink my blood!"

Finally Yuki stood up and looked at his brother who was lying on the white bed now. He indeed looked sick. His eyes were puffy, his cheeks were red and wet and…

"Tatsuha, you were not crying, were you?"

Tatsuha hurriedly wiped his face with the back of his hand and furiously shook his head. Clearing his throat nervously, he shakily said:

"Come on Yuki! I am not a child!"

Yuki shook his head and put his hand on his brother's forehead which was unusually hot. It seemed that Tatsuha was really sick. He was not acting this time.

"Somehow I doubt that Tatsuha. You are a three-year- old naughty boy in my eyes."

Tatsuha angrily sat and spat his brother's hand away from his face. It was interesting how much he looked like his brother when he was angry. Fire was dancing in the depth of his ebony eyes, making him look even sicker than before. His face was redder than before and his hands had started to shake.

Yuki smirked.

"Did you have another argument little one? When will you learn that you must not argue with that old man? He does not know anything about a young boy's needs. He thinks every body should think like him."

Although Eiri's tone of voice was quite sarcastic, he knew that his older brother was right. He knew that his brother had experienced the same problems, but it was not fair. Now that Eiri was gone from their family, everybody expected him to do everything. Everybody expected him to be the good and silent boy of the family. His road of life was chosen for him before he could choose it, but damn it! He did not want to be a monk. He wanted to be free. He wanted to choose the path of his life himself, but was it possible?

Could he leave everything behind like his brother did?

"I am tired Yuki. I can not fight them anymore."

He finally whispered. It was all he could say. It was a simple fact. He could not fight with his mother, father and sister at the same time, but he was sick. He was sick of hearing them saying what was good for him and what was not. He was eighteen years old for God's sake! But they could not understand. There was only one thing in their heads…Uesugi…He hated his last name. All the problems always started with it. They said he should make them proud. They said he should not make their last name dirty and God damn it! He did not give a damn about it. For the past three months he was thinking of changing his last name. It seemed that it was the only solution but then again, he did not have the courage.

When he looked at his brother's eyes, they were shining with anger. The golden eyes looked frozen, they looked unforgiving.

"You are weaker than what I thought Tatsuha."

Yuki turned around and stared at black sky from the closed window. It was almost midnight. The wind was moving the trees. Everything looked black and lonely. He wondered why he was feeling so lonely, why he was feeling so black, just like the bare black sky, but he did not find any answer and here was his younger brother, a brother whom he loved more than anybody when he was younger, when he did not know the harsh meaning of living in reality, when he was still alive…Yes, His own brother was falling for a trap he once fell.

He could see it in Tatsuha's eyes. He could see the need of being free, the need of being independent. He knew exactly what the brunet was thinking. He remembered that almost ten years ago, he was thinking about the same thing and now here he was, a famous professor, with money and fame, with beauty and attraction, but was it all? No, it wasn't. He badly needed to find the missing part

"What do you mean Eiri?"

"When you can not handle your family, how can you handle the world Tatsuha? You know what I am trying to say and I know what you are trying to do, but we both know that it is not the solution. You are not like me. You will not survive in this crazy world alone. You always need somebody to look after you."

Yuki smirked again.

"And do not think that I do not know why you are here. You are here to see him, aren't you?"

Tatsuha did not get the chance to answer, because the door opened and relieved the smiling, but tired looking Doctor Sakuma.

"Are you finished Yuki? I am bloody tired! I just need a…oh Tatsuha, what are you doing here?"

Yuki did not know how, but somehow Tatsuha managed to make him self look like an adorable, sick young boy in three seconds. Yes, he was right. Tatsuha was only here to see Ryuichi.

"Hey…doctor Ryuichi! I am sick. That's why I came here."

He faked some sniffs.

"But Yuki is not checking to see what is wrong with me! He is so cruel!"

Ryuichi did not waste another moment. He quickly crossed the room and sat on the bed next to Tatsuha. Putting his hand on the boy's forehead, he worriedly shook his head.

"All right Tatsuha, open you mouth, say ah."

Tatsuha did what he was told. Ryuichi shook his head again and put his hand on the boy's heart. It was beating faster than usual.

"Yuki! He is really sick. His heart beat is not steady either. I think you should take him home."

Yuki narrowed his eyes and stared at his younger brother. His heart beat was not steady, because he was excited of seeing Ryuichi! Damn Tatsuha and his evils plans. He was not going to let Tatsuha go With Ryuichi.

Tatsuha pouted.

"Doctor Ryuichi, you know that Yuki will not take me home with him and I will not go to Mika's house. Dad and I were guests there and they threw me out! That's why I got a cold in the first place! Now I have to go and sleep in a corner of an alley, where any bad…thing…can happen to me."

Tatsuha stressed on the word 'thing' and faked a shiver. Looking at his god's face, he hid his smile. Ryuichi's face was a mask of worry. His hands were on his shouders protectively and he could see that Ryuichi was thinking of a solution. Of course he was not going to let an eighteen-year-old boy go and sleep in an alley. Tatsuha hid another smile.

He still remembered the first time he had seen doctor Ryuichi. He saw him in Yuki's house. It was when he fell in love with him. Back then, he was fifteen. Yuki told him that it was a childish crush, but now both of them knew that it was something more than a little crush. The problem was neither of them knew if Ryuichi loved Tatsuha back or not. It was difficult to understand because Ryuichi was kind to almost every body.

Yuki narrowed his eyes.

"I will take you home. There is no need for you to bother Ryuichi."

"No! I will not come with you. You will tell me to sleep on the couch with no blankets. I will freeze to death!"

"It is okay Yuki. I am alone after all. I promise that tomorrow I will send him to his father with a taxi. All right Tatsuha. Wear your coat; I will be waiting at the parking lot."

Ryuichi left the big white office with graceful steps.

"You will not go anywhere Tatsuha! I will not let you go to a man's house while he is alone and_ single_! Anything can happen there! You do not know what will happen to you, it not so much different from going to an alley where_ things _can happen to you. He's thirty one for fuck's sake! You know what a man in his age can do."

But Tatsuha was not listening to his brother. He was on clouds nine. His wish was coming true after three years. He was going to sleep at Ryuichi's place! He did not mind being sick at all if it meants spending a night with his God. Everything was as good as it could get. Now there was only a matter of making his brother agree with him.

"Oh please Yuki! You know that Ryuichi is not a _bad_ man. He will not do anything. I can defend myself anyway. Please, please! You will not tell anything to dad, will you?"

Yuki only sighed.

"You will be at my place tomorrow at nine, do you understand?"

He did not hear any answers since Tatsuha was running to the parking lot.

Wasn't he sick only two minutes ago?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Shuichi yawned and hugged his pillow tighter. Tonight was really cold. He yawned again and shivered under the white thick blankets. The clock was ticking on the lifeless wall, but it was the only sound in the damned small room.

The curtains were shielding his view from the world outside. For a second he wondered what all those people were doing out there. He thought about a child who was in his mother's warm embrace while his father was telling him a story. He thought about a family which was celebrating a birthday in a big restaurant. He thought about two lovers making love to each other and then wondered how they were feeling and then he wondered if he was ever going to be like them. He doubted that.

He was almost falling sleep when he heard a noise from out side and sat on his bed, listening sharply. It was the noise of something breaking and then hurried footsteps. He did not like it. It was always quiet in this part of hospital this late hour of night. He listened more carefully. He could still hear the footsteps and unbelievably enough; they were getting nearer and nearer to his room.

He could almost hear his heart beat now. It was fast and unsteady. He could feel the cold sweat on his forehead. The fear he was feeling was indescribable.

There was no time for thinking twice. The strange person was close enough to enter his room. He jumped out of the bed and sat under it. It was too dark in the room since the curtains were shielding the moonlight from lighting the room. It was impossible for anybody to see him under the bed.

He listened again, but there was no need to listen anymore. He could feel a presence in his room now. The said person was near his bed. He could not clearly see who the person was, but from what he was seeing the person was a man.

Shuichi shuddered under the bed.

The man did not move for sometime, but then he kicked the leg of the bed and threw the pillow and blanket away. The man looked around. It seemed that he was searching for somebody. He harshly opened the door of bathroom and gave a small yell of frustration.

Shuichi shakily hugged his knees and took a deep breath. Fear was making his body immobile. What did the man want? His heart had started to ache. There was no air to breathe anymore.

The man did not move anymore. His eyes were fixed on something. As Shuichi looked more closely, he found that horrifyingly, the man was staring at him. His heart almost stopped beating.

There was no time to react. Shuichi yelled loudly and lunched his self out from under the bed. Blindly, he found his way out of the room. He could not hear any sounds of footsteps behind himself but he did not stop running even for a second. Seeing doctor Yuki's office he ran faster. Reaching the door, he tried to open it, but it was closed. He shook the door knob forcefully but it did not open.

"Doctor Yuki, doctor Yuki! Please open the door! He is going to kill me! He's going to kill me!"

He looked back. There was nobody in the quiet and almost dark hallway, but fear did not leave him. The door did not open. Tears of fear ran on his pale cheeks. His hands were shaking and he did not know what to do.

"Why he is not opening the door for me? Is he still mad at me?"

He whispered to himself. Fisting his hands into balls in order to stop them from shaking, he looked at the office next to doctor Yuki's. He took a deep breath and tried to open it. To his surprise it opened. He slowly went inside. There was nobody there. He took another deep breath to stop his legs from shaking, but they did not stop.

Finding a place under piles of clothes which were hanged on the wall, he sat there and hugged his knees. He was still shaking. Shuichi tried not to think about the scary man, but he could not stop himself. Who was the man? He only wished it was not_ him _then he wondered why Doctor Yuki had not opened the door and felt fresh tears in his lavender eyes.

'He hates me now. He hated me from the beginning. There is no reason for him to like a skinny ugly boy like me.'

Cold tears ran on his cheeks.

'Why did he kiss me? Why did he make everything harder for me to bear?'

He could not find any answers to his questions. His mind was numb from the coldness which was coming from the window above his head and the fear he had felt only minutes ago.

'Maybe he kissed me to stop me from speaking. Yes, it is possible.'

As he was falling sleep in that uncomfortable position he thought to himself:

'Who is Howard anyway…?'

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Yuki stretched his long hands as he made his way toward his office. Glancing at the big clock, he sighed.

It was two in the morning.

He sighed again. It was the main problem of being a doctor. The emergency part was horrible. He never liked to work there. Too many people died there. Two many unexpected things happened there. Too many people cried there and he did not like dieing, crying and unexpected things.

Standing next to his office door, he yawned. He was too tired to open the bloody door. His muscles were aching.

"No! No! Help me! Help me! Get off me! No! No!"

Yuki looked around but he did not see anything. He was positive he had heard something. Were his ears playing tricks on him? But the voice was really vivid and loud.

Shrugging his shoulders, he was about to open the door when he heard the scared voice again. What was happening?

"Cold, it's so cold! Help me! Please! Please! No! No!"

No, he was not hearing things. Somebody was screaming. Somebody was asking for help.

"Yuki! Yuki! Help! Help me!"

The screaming got louder. He knew the voice. It was Shuichi. It could not be anybody else. Goodness, somebody was hurting him. He hurriedly opened the door and turned of the light but nobody was there. The room looked quiet and untouched, but he had heard it, the unmistakable voice of Shuichi asking for help, asking for his help.

"Yuki…Yuki!"

He got out of the office and looked around. It couldn't be! Nobody was there. Had he gone mad? His heart was beating fast. He was nervous. Where was Shuichi? What was happening to Shuichi?

'Get a grip on your self Eiri! Nobody is here. You do not care for him anyway."

"Yuki…Yuki!"

The voice was a whisper now, but he heard it. It was coming from…Doctor Butler's office? He narrowed his eyes. He was going to burn that damn Doctor alive if he did anything to Shuichi, but he did not want to go there. That fucking office was the last place where he wanted to be. He decided to ignore it and go home…but what about Shuichi?

Taking a deep breath he opened the door.

He could hear ragged and unsteady breathing and he could hear whimpers, moans and quiet sobs. With a shaky hand he turned the light on and then he saw him, Shuichi, on the ground, hugging his knees, crying and shaking, whispering inchoate things and whimpering.

His heart almost stopped beating.

Hurriedly, he kneeled next to Shuichi and put his hands on the boy's shoulders. They were wet from cold sweat. Running his hand through the boy's sweaty forehead he noticed that it was unusually cold. Colder than a normal human's temperature.

"Yuki…Yuki…"

His voice was barely above a whisper. His small pink lips were trembling. He was shivering. His lips looked blue. Cold sweat was visible on his forehead.

Yuki opened the boy's legs and kneeled between them. Opening the shirt's buttons, he put his hand on the boy's heart. It was beating slowly, too slowly. It was almost at the verge of stopping. He took the boy's cold hands in his and whispered:

"I am here Shuichi. I'm here. It's over. It's all over. Come on, wake up. Wake up."

But nothing happened. Shuichi was still shivering. He was breathing hard, like there was no air to breath. He was sweating more. For a moment Yuki decided to leave the room from fear but then decided against it. Never before had he seen something so horrifying. He had handled so many psychopaths, so many people who had nightmares but…goddess what he was seeing was too real. Oh God, Shuichi was dying!

"Shuichi, Wake up! Damn it I said WAKE UP!"

And then it happened. Shuichi stopped shivering. His heart beat went back to normal and he started breathing again. Now, he looked like an innocent child who was peacefully sleeping.

Yuki was at loss of words. What did it mean? What was happening to Shuichi? What was happening to himself? Was it only a nightmare or was it something more? He did not know and somehow, he did not want to know the truth.

He took the boys head in his hands and stared at the peaceful face. It was too beautiful. It was too… innocent.

"Why the…What are you doing Doctor Yuki?"

Yuki quickly looked at the open door, and there, Doctor Butler was standing, a hand gripping the door knob and the other pointing to him, Mouth open and eyes wide.

Yuki tried to stand but the position he was in made it impossible.

"No Doctor Butler. This is NOT what you are thinking! I was not...we…I…listen…"

Doctor Butler shook his head and took a deep breath. Smiling nervously he slowly came in, like he was witnessing a crime. He slowly said.

"Sorry for interrupting. I just want my coat. It's okay, Just wait a moment!"

"No doctor Butler…"

"Just a moment okay? And then you can continue!"

"The older man quickly grabbed his coat and went out of the office. Yuki looked at the door in anger and amazement. What was he supposed to do now? He looked at Shuichi and almost smiled. Look what this small boy had done to him. He decided to call Shuichi "trouble" from now on. It only suited the pink hair boy. The boy only knew how to make troubles.

Picking the young boy bride style, he leaved the office and turned the light off. It was quiet again. Everything was the same again, but he knew that no matter what, his life was not going to be the same anymore.

After putting the boy on his bed, he found the pillow and the blanket one foot away from the bed. Shaking his head disapprovingly, he left the room quietly.

He did not see the man who was looking at him murderously, nor did he see the evil smile on the cruel lips.


	12. Chapter 12

Shadows prince: Hey guys! I have to admit that I still can not believe that you like my story! It is a very nice feeling, the feeling of being approved of I mean. Please keep on reviewing and tell me if there is something wrong. I love to know your ideas, what do you like about the story, what you dislike about the story, how do you want it to end and etc.

Thanks for your reviews. They really made my day!

Disclaimer: I have nothing to be proud of.

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Chapter 12

"Hey bro! I am home!"

Yuki set the news paper aside and glared at his young brother. His golden eyes were shining from anger, even now that his glasses were covering them. His long fingers were tapping on the wooden table and his eyes were staring at the boy not more than two feet away from him. Tatsuha smiled nervously and looked at the ceiling. It was never good to make his brother angry. Well, it was never good to make a Uesugi angry in general; so he did not say anything. He remembered once his brother had told him that no excuse was a good excuse.

The silence in the big room got unbearable.

"I am sorry okay? I did not mean to be late, but Ryuichi made a very delicious breakfast that I simply could not resist it!"

"Why I should care if you are late or not?"

Tatsuha almost groaned. So last night, it was an illusion when he had though his brother was beginning to care about him again. He almost sighed. No, Yuki never changed. You could not melt a man's icy heart only in one night. It was impossible anyway. No, Yuki never changed.

"So why are you angry?"

Yuki licked his lips and stared at the distance for a minute or two. When he stood up, Tatsuha could almost feel something different in his brother. He took a deep breath. It never was a good sign.

Yuki stood in front of his brother. His hands were clenching and unclenching. His usual calm and cold face was radiating anger and something more, something that truly worried Tatsuha. He did not like it at all.

Yuki closed his eyes.

"Just pray Tatsuha, just pray that he is wrong."

"What are you talking about brother?"

He reopened his eyes. It could not be true. His father was wrong. Mika was wrong. Tatsuha's fucking doctor was wrong. The world was wrong when it came to Tatsuha. He trusted Tatsuha. No, it was not true. There was nothing wrong with Tatsuha. His brother never did something stupid. It was not in his nature. Damn it! Tatsuha was more intelligent to do such a stupid thing.

"You damn well know what I am talking about. What you need at the moment is just praying and only praying cause not even the world can stop me when I decide to fucking kill you."

Eiri practically screamed the last sentence. Tatsuha quickly stepped back. He did not want to admit it, but he was scared of his brother at the moment. The way Yuki was looking at him, the way his eyes were narrowed and the way he screamed at him made him tremble with a new fear. He was afraid of many things, but never before had he been so afraid of his brother not even when he had broken Yuki's glasses when he was a child.

Yuki stepped closer.

"What's wrong Yuki?"

Yuki did not say anything for a moment. He closed his eyes to regain his compose, but it did not help. He was too angry to control his voice now. When he had heard from Mika that…no damn it no! It was not true. It was not true. It simply could not be true.

"Tatsuha…"

Eiri's voice was low, dangerous and threatening, promising Tatsuha that what he was saying was simply the truth. Promising that he was going to do exactly what he was going to say.

"Tatsuha, did you need it so badly?"

Tatsuha stared at his brother confused. What was going on? Everybody was talking riddles to him lately. Everybody was acting strange, his father, his mother. it was not normal for her sister to scream at him like that. True, Mika got angry too easily, but she had never slapped him before, something she did last night for a very pathetic excuse and now Yuki. Was he missing something?

He heard his brother's voice.

"What does sex mean to you?"

"What are you…"

"ANSWER MY QUESTION!"

Tatsuha swallowed.

"It's…I don't know…I think it is...something good. Yeah, it's something good and necessary."

Yuki took a deep breath and fisted his hands into balls. He took another deep breath, another, and then another, but it did not calm him down. He was afraid he was going to do something stupid from rage.

"Necessary Tatsuha? Is it your way of showing that you have grown up? Is it your way of showing your needs? God, I want to hit you so hard…"

He took another deep breath.

"Did you need sex? All right I understand, but in order to start doing something, you need to learn its rules. You have to play fair. It does not mean sleeping with every fucking person that offers himself to you! Did you need it? I swear, God I swear I would fuck you nonstop if this was what you needed. Fuck what people were going to say! I would do it if it meant stopping this from happening."

He pressed tatsuha to the wall and grabbed his arms.

"Shit Tatsuha! If what they have told me is true, I am going to rip your heart from your chest before you can spell the world sex!"

"What…what have I done?"

He released Tatsuha and turned around. No other hurtful words came from Erir's mouth.

"I am going to go work. There are some left over in the refrigerator."

"I...am going to work too. I have found a job."

Yuki did not turn around.

"What job?"

"I am driving for a rich man."

Yuki shut the door behind him self and left a trembling boy behind.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Eiri kept staring at the papers on his desk. He just couldn't believe his eyes. He told himself over and over that it was impossible, that it couldn't be true but here, these innocent papers were proving him that he was wrong.

Eiri closed his eyes. Everything was dancing around him. Lighting up a cigarette he opened his eyes and stared at those innocent papers again. He didn't know if today was colder than usual or he was feeling this cold. These fucking papers...

Today was getting worse and worse, first Tatsuha and now this…

"Ryuichi, are you completely sure?"

"I'm positive. I didn't expect the results to be this bad but ...I don't know what to say. Poor boy, He looks energetic."

Eiri stood up and stood next to the window and looked at the cloudy, grey sky. He noticed absentmindedly that Shuichi was so much like the sky. He was so clean and honest.

'He's an innocent angel. How somebody can be so innocent?'

Ryucihi put a hand on Eiri's shoulder. Eiri only closed his eyes. He just didn't want to believe it. He kept repeating to himself that it wasn't true but he knew that this cruel world didn't show any mercy to people, not even to that innocent angel, not even his own brother.

"What's wrong Eiri? Do you know that boy?"

Eiri turned around. The rain had begun. Drops of rain were hitting the window with a loud noise. It was so foggy that you couldn't see anything out side. Today was really quiet. The sky had become completely grey. It was how Eiri was feeling, grey, completely gray.

"Ryucihi, you are the best doctor that I have come to know. Can I ask you to examine him again? It's just...not possible. Maybe you'll find another way..."

Ryuichi only sighed. He could see that Eiri was highly upset but he didn't know why. Why was that pink hair boy so important to Eiri? As far as Ryuchi was concerned, Eiri didn't give a damn about anybody.

"If that's what you want, I'll do it but I'm sure about these results. It's only..."

Suddenly the door opened and a nurse hurriedly came inside. She was panting heavily. Waiting for a moment to catch her breath, she practically screamed:

"Doctor Yuki. We need you in emergency! A child is dying!"

Yuki didn't wait for another second. Putting on his glasses, he ran out of his office. As he was running toward the emergency part of the hospital, he promised to himself that he wouldn't let Shuichi die, no matter how hard it was.

'Shuichi is mine. I won't lose him. I won't let death have him. I'm ready to fight death. It's what I do everyday.'

Mrs. Tailor was dying from worry. She was either pacing in the narrowed hallway or staring at the blue door and it was making every body crazy but to be honest, nobody had the heart to tell her to have a seat. Everybody could feel her anxiety.

Finally tired, she sat on the blue chair and rested her head on her hands which were shaking strongly. Some times later, Hands were clenching and unclenching her long black skirt and her face was deadly pale .Every body knew that she had the right to be this worried. Her five years old daughter had gone into the surgery room two hours ago and she had to admit that these two hours were the longest hours she had waited in her life.

The nurses looked at her and shook their heads with pity. The poor woman was really nervous. One of the nurses put her gloved hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry Mrs. Tailor. Doctor Yuki will do anything to save her. He is the best doctor I have ever seen in my life. Just pray."

Mrs. Tailor nodded helplessly and bitted her lip. Her body was trembling with the fear of losing her small child but there was nothing she could do. Her daughter was dying and all she could do was to sit and wait.

Two long hours became four long hours. She was almost falling sleep on the uncomfortable chair when the blue door slightly opened. Her heart almost stopped beating and with shaky legs she stood and leaned on the wall.

Nobody was around. All the nurses were gone. It was a torturing silence. The only noise was coming from the nurses who were still in the surgery room. Every body knew that silence was never a good sign.

Doctor Yuki looked tired, very tired. His blue dress was wet with red blood and his hair was a mess. He had even forgotten to take off his glasses. He glanced at the middle aged woman and bit his lip. Toying with the white mask in his hand, he sighed and waited for the woman to ask the damned question.

Mrs. Tailor took a deep breath and stared at the tall man. She wanted to say something but no word came out from her mouth. That look on doctor Yuki's face was showing everything but she didn't believe it. She simply couldn't believe it. Voice trembling with fear, she asked:

"My daughter, she's alive, right? Please doctor Yuki tell me she's alive!"

Yuki sighed and took of his glasses. He looked much older than before. He looked like an old tired man who only wanted to sleep. Sighing again he whispered:

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Tailor. I did whatever I could but, your daughter's condition was really bad. She...she died ten minutes ago."

Mrs. Tailor stood motionless and stared at the young doctor. It looked like she had forgotten to breathe. Her face had gone paler than before and her trembling had gotten worse but Eiri didn't say anything.

Finally with a laud cry she fell on the hard, white floor and began to whip. Her hand was clutching her daughter's favorite doll .It was never going to be used again. It was a heartbreaking sight.

She was whispering incoherent words .Her tears were soaking the floor .Every body nearby was shaking their heads. They had seen so many sights like this but, a five-year-old child...

Doctor Yuki didn't move at all. He just took off his blue dress and leaned on the wall. He was too tired to move. His head was beginning to ache. All he needed was a cigarette to forget about tonight. He was sure that he wasn't going to forget those baby blue eyes of that child. He badly needed a cigarette and a bottle of beer. He had to forget about tonight.

He looked at the woman but kept his silence. He wasn't a good comforter. He had never comforted anybody and he wasn't about to start it now. In his opinion, there was no use in crying over something that was done. He had done what he could do.

The woman was still crying...

Shuichi was passing the hallway when he heard somebody crying. Glancing at the hallway, he saw a woman, sitting on the floor and crying her eyes out. Next to her, a man was leaning on the wall. As he looked more closely, he recognized the man. It was doctor Yuki. There was no other doctor, who had golden hair. He didn't want to go there. He wasn't ready to face him but that woman...

'I can't let her cry until tomorrow! '

Going into the silent hallway, he swallowed and kneeled next to the woman. He could feel Yuki's eyes on him but didn't look up .He didn't want to look into those golden eyes at the moment. They reminded him of that kiss and how they looked when they were kissing. They were clouded with...

Shaking his head, He put his hands on the woman's shoulder. The woman was waiting for this movement. Immediately hugging Shuichi, she cried on his shoulder and started to speak.

"She was only five! Oh my god, she was only five! She had so many dreams. Oh, she was so beautiful! What should I do now? I can't live without her .My lovely little princess."

Shuichi patted her shoulders and let her cry. So her daughter was dead and her mother was suffering the pain here. What life did to people? What a cruel faith and he knew it was wrong but he was feeling jealous.

'When I die, Will somebody cry for me? Will anybody even notice that I'm gone?'

Shaking his head again he cupped the woman's head in his hands and smiled warmly. True, he never saw his mother. He never saw kindness in his father's eyes. Nobody had ever cared for him. Not even_ him_ but, it had never stopped him from showing kindness to other people before and it wasn't going to stop him now.

Mrs. Tailor was looking at him. Silent tears were running on her cheeks. Her eyes looked empty and sorrowful .Shuichi guessed that they were reflecting what she was feeling at the moment.

"I'm sure that she'll go to heaven. Angels will take care of her in the most beautiful places in heaven. She'll come and see you everyday. She certainly doesn't want to see her mom crying. It will break her small heart. Don't you think so?"

More tears ran on her cheek and she looked down. When she lifted her eyes, there were no tears in them. Standing up shakily, she tiredly smiled and put the doll into her bag.

"You're right. I shouldn't make her upset anymore. She suffered for five years. It's not right to let her suffer more. I'm going to find her father. I suppose he's dying from worry."

She hadn't gone too far when she came back and took out the doll from her bag. Smiling more warmly this time, she handed the doll to Shuichi and ruffled his pink hair. Shuichi looked at her confused and looked at the small doll. Even the doll looked upset.

"Have it young boy. In this way, my daughter will come and visit you too. I'm sure she'll fall in love you. Get better soon."

And with that she turned around and walked away. She didn't come back to that hallway anymore.

Shuichi could still feel Yuki's stare on him and this time he looked at him. His eyes were narrowed with anger and hatred toward the young doctor. His body was burning with a familiar anger toward the beautiful man. All Shuichi could think was that Doctor Yuki's heart was made of ice.

Yuki looked at the boy's lavender eyes. They looked angry, very angry, but, Yuki kept his cool. It wasn't his fault that the child died. Remembering the kiss, he closed his eyes and reopened them. He could still feel those soft lips on his.

Shuichi was still kneeling on the floor. His hands were clutching the doll on his lap. He kept taking deep breaths but no air went into his lungs. The way doctor Yuki was looking at him so coolly made him want to yell but, he stopped himself. He wasn't going to lose his temper in front of that cold as ice man.

"Couldn't you comfort her? How can you call yourself doctor? Haw can you call yourself human!"

Yuki stood straight and throw his bloody dress on the chair. Shuichi was the last person he wanted to see and to his bad luck, here he was, accusing him for something he had no control over. Sometimes it was really hard to hear people say those harsh words to him but, to hear it from Shuichi...

"I didn't feel like talking to her. She didn't need my comfort. There was nothing I could do anyway."

Shuichi clenched his teeth together. This ...this man knew nothing of pain. Didn't he know how hard it was to lose somebody dear? Shuichi had never seen somebody close to him die because simply he had nobody close to him except his abusive father and his father was not dear to him but, he could understand how people felt when they lost someone dear. Couldn't he understand what that woman was going through? Finally losing his temper he screamed:

"You...you bastard! Couldn't you see how much she was suffering? Couldn't you comfort her? You...You have no emotions in you! Do you no what emotion is?"

Suddenly, Shuichi found himself pressed to the cold wall. Yuki's hands were clutching his forearms painfully and his chest was pressed to Shuichi's. Hi eyes were narrowed and full of something that Shuichi hadn't seen before. A long leg was between his legs and unconsciously or maybe consciously was rubbing a very private place.

"Do not talk about emotions when you know nothing of it. Do you know anything at all?"

Yuki's voice was barely above a whisper. His lips were near Shuichi's ear .A chill ran down on his spine. He knew he had to be afraid. He knew that Yuki could hurt him but he wasn't scared. In fact, he was enjoying the touch too much to be scared. It was a new feeling for him. Before this every body that went close to him had hurt him, physically and emotionally. Every body had left him wounded but not doctor Yuki. No, he didn't hurt him. No, Yuki didn't think that he was disgusting. He had even kissed him! He felt his heart warm up at the thought.

Yuki's hands where on his shoulders now. They weren't painful anymore. Although they were very cold, Shuichi still liked the feeling he was receiving from Yuki. He felt...safe. Yes, for the first time in his life he was feeling safe. Safeness was a nice feeling. It was so sweet that he felt his heart melt in it.

Yuki cupped the boys face in his cold hands .It was very warm against his hands. Probably because the boy had fever but he didn't mind .He hadn't felt warm for such a long time that it felt new to him. It was making his fingers tickle.

Shuichi was looking at him with those big, innocent eyes of his. This time, there was no trace of fear them. There was only hope .They were shining with such happiness that Yuki had to smile at them. Shuichi was the only person who could make him truly smile at the most stupid things.

Slowly, very slowly, he caught those soft, pink lips with his. What he had felt before wasn't wrong. They were soft and warm. Yuki didn't do anything else. It was so unlike of him but he didn't rush. He just let the boy circle his small hands around his neck. He could feel his heartbeat. It was fast. Yuki had to smirk at the thought that he was the one who was making Shuichi's heart beat faster.

Suddenly his mind began to work again. He was in a hospital .He was a doctor, Shuichi was his patient and every body could see them in this state. He draw his head back but this time he stared at the boys eyes and to his relief, there was no regret in them, Only shyness was shining in those bright eyes.

Standing straight and ruffling the boy's pink hair he whispered:

"Go to your room. I'll see you tomorrow morning in my office."

And he was gone. Shuichi stood where he was, motionless. His mind was hazy and his body was warm. Raising his hand slowly he touched his lips. They felt ticklish. He could clearly remember the man's chest that was pressed to his He could remember the man's hands that were nuzzling his sensitive neck and he could still fell the beautiful man's leg that was rubbing his private area more fiercely than before.

Finally getting a grasp on himself, he bent and picked up the doll. It looked happier now. Maybe, it had witnessed the kiss. Its smiling face made Shuichi smile too.

"Are you happy for me little doll? Did you know that it was my first kiss? Well...to tell you the truth it was my second one but the first one was a bit odd so, that doesn't count."

Going to his room, quietly, He lied down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. The ceiling looked friendly for the first time in his life. Shuichi giggled and whispered:

"Maybe the ceiling has witnessed my second kiss too!"

And for the first time in a long time, he slept peacefully.


	13. Chapter 13

Shadows' prince: Hello! Once again I want to thank you for your reviews, but please tell me the problems I have in the style of my writing, in the whole story, in choosing words and etc. I want to improve my writing but I don't want to become a writer. I only write to control my frigging imagination!

Lord Yoshitsune: Thank you for making me notice! I will try to choose my words more carefully from now on.

Troublesome Aries: A very wise guess, but I am not going to tell you if you are right or not. Thank you for reading my story!

Patpat: thank you for your complements! I am really glad that you like my story. It's nice to have a French reader. My mom loves France and French people for some unknown reasons! I guess I am beginning to like French people too if they are as lovely as you!

Thanks for everybody who has reviewed! Now please read the new chapter and review. I am waiting for them!

Chapter 13

Another boring party, another boring night and another boring movie was making Yuki angry. Damn his family for being this annoying. He hated these parties, he hated his parents and he definitely hated Tohma. The worst part was the fact that he had to tolerate them all in one place at the same time.

He saw Ryuichi sitting next to Touma, talking about something, probably talking about some incidents in the hospital. In another corner of the big hall room of Tohma's huge house, he saw Mika and Angelina and stopped himself from rolling his eyes. Why he had to stand women in the first place? And then he saw his brother, sitting in another corner of the room, looking lonely and angry and finally he looked at the blank wall ahead of him

Yuki kept staring at the bare wall. His head was aching and his body felt numb. The images of that dead girl, then the horrified face of Tatsuha and then those violet eyes of Shuichi were dancing in his mind. Everything was spinning. Yes, he had definitely drunk too much.

'I need a cigarette, damn… I just need a cigarette.'

But he knew better than smoking next to Mika. He just didn't want to give her another pathetic excuse. He was in no mood of arguing with that annoying woman now.

Sighing, he looked at Tatsuha and mentioned for him to come and sit next to him, but Tatsuha did not move a muscle. This time he did roll his eyes. His brother was worse than his sister. He stood up and walked toward Tatsuha. However, Tatsuha did not even give him a glance.

"How is your job?"

Yuki's ways of saying that he was sorry, making a conversation.

"It is not like that you want to know, then why are you asking? It is not your type to make conversations."

Yuki sat next to his currently very depressed brother. As he looked more closely, he noticed that Tatsuha was still a child. He could still see the brightness of a child's eyes in the ebony eyes. Yuki shook his head. He should not have believed Mika in the first place. Tatsuha was a child, but he was not stupid. He needed freedom and Yuki was afraid he was never going to get it.

Why did he have to have a soft spot for his brother?

Because he reminded him of himself. Back when he was carefree and without any responsibility, he did not have the time to experience the sweetness of being young and now he wanted to give it to his brother.

'I should not give a damn about Tatsuha, but I do'

"That man is pretty crazy."

"Who?"

"The man who I am working for. My friend says he is a criminal but I don't care as long as he gives me the money. He says I am a good driver but I'm telling you, there's something wrong with that man. It seems that Tohma knows him because when he found that I was working for him he completely freaked out, something strange for Tohma to do."

Yuki did not say anything. If Tatsuha wanted to find his path of living form driving, he was not going to stop him. One way or another he had to grow up. It was better to start it from now, rather than when it was too late.

"Did you have fun at Ryuichi's place?"

For the first time in that night, Tatsuha smiled. His face lost its sadness and his cheeks went scarlet. Yes, Tatsuha was still a child, but a very smart child.

He started babbling about Ryuichi and his house and his stuff. He talked about the way he lived, the way he talked, the way he walked, the way he talked and how he slept. It seemed that Tatsuha knew Ryuichi for an eternally.

"…and then he told me that I was cute! Do you believe it? He is a really good cook too! He even made…"

"Where are you staying tonight?"

Tatsuha's face looked saddened again. He sighed and leaned on the sofa. Funny, his changes of moods reminded Yuki of Shuichi. Well, Shuichi was a child too.

"Here. I am not going to survive the night Eiri."

"No need to stay here. You will stay at my house. I'll be going to Angelina's house tonight."

"But dad's not gonna let me stay at your house alone!"

"You won't be alone. Ryuichi will stay with you too."

As Tatsuha jumped to tell Ryuichi the news, Yuki thought to himself that he might have found the best way of finding the truth or lie in Mika's words.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Shuichi sat on his bed. His face was red and his breaths were uneven. Running a hand through his cheek, he felt the cold sweat on his flushed face. Biting his lip forcefully, he tried to calm his heart beat down, but it appeared to be impossible.

He knew it wasn't right. He knew that it was immoral and wicked and he certainly knew that he should have forgotten about it. His dream was the most embarrassing yet the most pleasurable dream that he had had in his entire life.

He could still feel its effects in his lower abdomen. The new feeling made him flush more than before. It was impossible to concentrate on anything else. Unconsciously, he put his hand on it just to draw it back in horror. It was hard!

Taking deep breaths, he fearfully looked around, but nobody was in sight. Every body was sleep and thankfully there was no nurse to look after him that night. He could still see the pale moon from the open window of his room. There were no clouds in the sky. He felt naked. He felt like the moon was watching what he was doing from the sky above.

Biting his lip more forcefully, he ran his hand through his hardened groin. A chill ran down his spine. The feeling was sweet, something he had never felt before, but against everything that _he_ had told him. It was a sin! _He_ had never let him do that.

He remembered when he was younger, maybe when he was 15, or was he 14? He couldn't exactly tell how old he was, he saw two men in an alley. They were kissing each other. He had never seen men kissing each other and to his shock, he liked it. Then they had undressed each other. They were quite drunk. Shuichi was sure they wouldn't remember what had happened but Shuichi was quite sure that he wasn't going to forget what he had seen for the rest of his life.

He had run to _his_ house. It was empty and quiet and to Shuichi's luck, _He_ wasn't there. Hurriedly he had undressed himself. He didn't know what he was doing but it felt so right. He didn't need any teacher to teach him how to please himself.

Shuichi felt he knew what to do. He was about to touch himself when a pair of hands circled around his waist.

He remembered that he was scared, so scared that he couldn't move a muscle. His body had gone immobile. A cruel voice had laughed harshly in his ear. That voice belonged to_ him_. _He _was the person who hunted Shuichi in his nightmares every night. A big hand had grabbed his penis forcefully then, making him cry as loudly as he could.

_"It's the first time that I see you hard, but you will learn not to be like this anymore!"_

He had whispered in his ear and then….

Shuichi shook his head slightly. No, _he_ wasn't there. _He_ couldn't punish him any more. He was safe and he could do whatever he pleased. Shuichi had to get rid of that problem anyway.

Standing up as slowly as he could, he went to the big bathroom and closed the door behind himself. It was dark but he could see enough. It was cold but Shuichi didn't care. There were more important things in his mind at the moment. Memories of the dream were burning his soul with a foreign pleasure.

Breaths uneven, body cold, Heart beating fast and hands trembling, he pulled the white pants and shorts down to see a very hardened penis. He stared at it fascinated. It was such an odd thing. It looked swollen but he didn't know why and he couldn't care in that state that he had put himself into.

Sitting on the cold floor and biting his lip for the third time in ten minutes, he grabbed his penis with his hand and closed his eyes. The first image that came into his mind was the face doctor Yuki. He could feel his face redden at the mere thought of the handsome doctor.

Running his hand up and down slowly, Shuichi opened his legs and leaned on the door. It was an unbelievably good feeling. Stroking him self and thinking about doctor Yuki was making him feel out of breath.

He could imagine Yuki's cold hands on his chest. The way they danced on his chest, those long fingers that always felt colder than ice, the way he had whispered in his ear with that manly voice and the remembrance of Yuki's lips on his own made him feel desperate.

He didn't know when, but he had started to stroke himself faster and more forcefully now. He couldn't keep himself quiet anymore. Moans were escaping from his parted lips and his chest was rising up and down.

He could feel an unfamiliar wetness on his hand which was stroking his penis, but he didn't open his eyes. He was so close now. Close to something he had never experienced before. Close to a feeling that was making all the muscles in his abdomen tightens.

Spreading his legs as far as he could, he threw his head back and moaned loudly. He wanted to scream. The feeling was getting out of control. He could hear voices in his room, but he didn't care. He needed something to release him from this feeling. He felt so hot. Sweat was making his face wet.

Suddenly it happened, the burst of pleasure inside his body that made all parts of his body shiver. The feeling was so good that he almost couldn't believe it had happened. He could still feel it inside his veins. His penis became sensitive even to the slight breeze that came from the open window.

His breaths were still uneven when he opened his eyes. He could tell from the small window in his bathroom that it was the time of the sun rise. The sky was red and blue and birds were singing. Such a beautiful morning it was! It was a bit chilly but Shuichi didn't notice. His eyes were fixed on the milky, white thing on his hand. He had seen it before but it never belonged to him. It always belonged to somebody else and now, here it was, wetting his hand and his thighs in a very abnormal way.

Suddenly he felt ashamed. So ashamed, that he almost cried right there and then. When he looked up he felt as if every thing in the bathroom was mocking him. Gulping nervously, he cleaned up as fast as he could and put his shorts and pants on. Opening the door quietly, he paced the small room and lied down on his cold bed. That day, Sleep didn't come to him anymore.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hiro yawned as he heard the soft knock on the door. Rubbing his eyes sleepily and trying to stay awake, he said in a hoarse voice:

"Come in."

The white door opened quietly and a fragile body stepped inside. The figure stayed next to the door and didn't say anything. That person looked absolutely nervous.

Hiroshi sat on his bed and saw Shuichi, standing next to the door, looking at him in a very innocent and adorable way but he looked very pale. Well, he was always pale, but today he looked paler than usual. His eyes were trying to tell him something, but Hiroshi didn't know what.

"Is something wrong Shuichi?"

Shuichi slightly shook his head and stepped nearer to Hiro's bed. His actions looked more modest than before. Hiro was sure something was wrong, but he couldn't understand anything from Shuichi's face.

" Hiro?"

His voice was barely above a whisper. It was almost lost in the loud noises that come from outside of Hiro's room. The voice sounded guilty and unsure. Hiro could swear that it was quivering. Shuichi stepped next to hiro's bed and started to play with the hem of his shirt. Something he always did when he was nervous.

Hiro, unsure of what to do, took Shuichi's hands in his larger one's and fearfully noticed that they were as cold as ice. They were shaking slightly but Hiro didn't say anything. Shuichi was here to tell him what was wrong. He didn't want to add more stress on Shuichi's poor head.

Suddenly to Hiroshi's horror, Shuichi started to cry. Sobbing loudly, Shuichi started to speak.

"Hi…Hi…ro…This…morning I…I… did something very bad and…and unforgivable. What should I do?"

Hiroshi gathered the smaller boy into his arms and rested his hands on his back. What had happened? What had Shuichi done to cry like this? His mind was racing with horrible ideas but he couldn't say a word. Shuichi's tears were running down on his neck and his voice was muffled since his head was pressed to Hiroshi's broad shoulder.

"What is wrong Shuichi? I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

Shuichi swallowed and started to cry again. His hands were clutching Hiroshi's white shirt as tightly as possible like this action could make him forget what he had done or maybe he was grasping his only comforter with all his might.

After a few minutes, Shuichi shyly looked at Hiro's warm eyes and noticed that how different his eyes were from Yuki's. Hiroshi's eyes were speaking of warmness and friendliness. They were speaking of sun; however Yuki's eyes always spoke of coldness and harshness. They always spoke of sin.

Smiling wearily, Shuichi sat next to Hiro and rested his head on Hiro's shoulder. It was like a habit for him. It was Hiroshi who always made him feel…alive. Without Hiroshi, Shuichi would have killed himself in the first night he had stepped into this bloody hospital.

"How's your leg?"

"Don't try to change the subject pink panther! First you have to tell me what's wrong."

Shuichi sighed and clenched the bed shits. He knew that Hiroshi was not going to let the subject drop until he knew everything down to the last detail and somehow, he felt that he needed to tell somebody about the great sin he had done.

"Hiroshi, last night, last night I…I touched myself."

Shuichi's voice was only a whisper and if Hiro wasn't close enough he wouldn't have heard, but he did. He waited for Shuichi to continue but no sound came from Shuichi's mouth. He was looking at the floor with a very flushed face,

"Well? What happened next?"

"What do you mean "What happened next"?"

Hiroshi shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and stretched his long hands. In his opinion, there was nothing wrong in what Shuichi had done but of course, Shuichi was not a normal person so obviously, his ideas were usually different from normal people, but there was something else in him. Something he hadn't seen in other people. It was untouchable yet noticeable. Hiroshi didn't duel on it though. Thinking about Shuichi always made him confused. He had learnt to let go of these thoughts a long time ago.

"I mean it's not something bad at all! God knows haw many times I have done it. Every body who knows what' the difference between men and women is, does it."

Shuichi's eyes went double in size and his small mouth hanged open. He blinked many times and tried to understand what Hiroshi had said. Was he serious or was he playing with him? Did everybody touch themselves? Even Hiroshi or maybe doctor Yuki?

His face became as red as a tomato. Somehow, it felt wrong to think that doctor Yuki touched himself too. No, it was impossible. That man was too arrogant to do such a thing to himself. He had that blonde girl to please himself anyway. Shuichi felt nausea over took him. That woman always made him feel awfully sick.

'Or maybe I'm jealous of her? She has doctor Yuki and I don't."

Suddenly Shuichi gasped and all the colors left his cute face. He couldn't believe what he had thought. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be true. He couldn't love anybody. He was unable to love anybody.

'Since when did you want doctor Yuki for yourself? Shame on you Shuichi Shindou! You deserve to die! You deserve to suffer for the rest of your life!'

When he looked at Hiroshi, he was staring at him like he was an alien from another planet. His eyes were narrowed and a thoughtful expression was on his nice face.

"How can your face change so many colors in a very short time? One minute your face is as pale as ghost suddenly it goes red? Can you teach me how to change colors like you? It must be fun!"

Shuichi nervously laughed. He wanted to say that it was quite easy. He just needed to meet doctor Yuki, but he kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to tell Hiroshi about doctor Yuki because after that, he had to explain his interest in him too and he knew it was wrong.

'You can't like a man Shuichi! Don't you remember what _he_ told you? He said it was unforgivable!'

So instead, he pointed at Hiroshi's leg and repeated his question.

"How's you leg?"

Hiroshi sighed and rubbed his leg carefully. A painful expression played on his face. He was feeling useless for tow months now. He couldn't move his left leg even and inch. Sometimes it truly became a disaster, especially when he was sleeping but he had learnt to cope with it.

"It's fine as long as those nurses don't touch it. I have to operate it by the end of this week. They say they will let me go home after that and then I'll give you a ride, but this time on my own motorbike."

Shuichi shook his head furiously and his pink hair covered his eyes. Standing slowly, he bitted his lower lips and whispered in a fearful tone.

"No, thank you very much. Doctor Yuki saw my hand a few days ago and asked me what had happened. I didn't know what to say. He'll kill both of us if he finds out that we had stolen Doctor Butler's bike in the middle of the night last week and worse, we had driven with it and worst of all, we had hit a wall."

"Who's doctor Yuki?"

Shuichi almost groaned. What was he supposed to say now? He didn't know how Hiroshi would react. He didn't want to think about it either. True, Hiroshi was a logical man. At last he was more logical than Shuichi but he was awfully obsessive when it came to his friends.

Shuichi opened his mouth to say a lie when the door opened and Nurse O'Hara stepped inside. She was panting for some reasons unknown to Hiroshi and Shuichi.

"Where were you Shuichi? Doctor Yuki is ready to kill you! He has searched for you every where! Hurry up. He's waiting for you in his office."

Shuichi didn't wait for another second. Running as fast as he could, he ran toward doctor Yuki's office. As he was running, he heard Hiroshi yell:

"You didn't tell me who doctor Yuki is!"

And he yelled back:

"I'll tell you later!"


	14. Chapter 14

Shadows' prince: I like to thank you for your nice reviews as usual; there are some reviews that I want to answer now. Please keep on reviewing!

Hope-Poe26: Yes I know. At first I had problems in typing and as for Eric, well, that's just another story. About the grammar, please forgive me, I Am trying to improve it and don't worry! I will explain everything in this story. Thank you for reading!

Patpat: are you kidding? Translating my story? It will be cool! Thank you for your compliments by the way!

Chapter 14

Shuichi was tired, so tired that he was almost falling sleep on the small, uncomfortable chair which he was sitting on, but unfortunately, the presence of doctor Yuki was stopping him to do so. No, he was not going to fall sleep when that cold hearted man was only a few meters far from him.

Stopping himself from yawning, he looked at doctor Yuki. His eyes were scanning the results of Shuichi's blood sample. They were shining dangerously under those glasses. Those eyes always shined when something was wrong. This idea didn't make Shuichi feel any better at all.

Finally, finding the courage to break the painful silence, Shuichi asked:

"Why did you make me come here again? Doctor Ryouichi had done all these things to me before."

But just like ten minutes ago, when his questions were unanswered, he didn't hear any answers from doctor Yuki. Now, very frustrated, he groaned to show his anger, but of course, Doctor Yuki ignored him again.

"I want to go back to my room! I'm feeling …."

"Be quiet!"

Shuichi closed his mouth as quickly as he could. The sharp tone of doctor Yuki made him understand that there was something wrong. Scratching his head in confusion, he stood up and walked toward doctor Yuki.

In all of the places in hospital, this room was more disgusting than all. There were syringes, serums and tubes every where and the smell of drugs were making breathing harder than usual.

Closing his eyes to stop himself from looking at the scary things in the laboratory, he stood in front of Yuki. Opening his eyes slowly, he found himself staring at those two golden oceans. They were staring back, but this time they weren't mocking him, instead, they looked worried. Yes, they indeed looked worried.

These eyes did not suit doctor Yuki at all. Those golden oceans were always full of determination and arrogance. They always looked challenging and daring, but now…

All the muscles in Shuichi's stomach clenched. He was feeling sick, so sick that he couldn't stand on his feet anymore but it was not because of his illness. It was simply because of that look on Yuki's face that made him feel worse than he had ever been.

Doctor Yuki looked disappointed. He looked tired and…old. He looked like a man who had lost in a battle. He was like a black night with no light in it. It seemed that all the hopes were suddenly gone.

Shuichi swallowed and gripped the desk so tightly that his knuckle turned white. He didn't want to look at that face any more. It made him want to cry. Just once, he had seen doctor Yuki's face like this and it was when that small child had died. He felt sicker than before.

'Am I really going to die this time? No, my god pleases no! I don't want to die now. Please don't do this to me.'

Closing his eyes again to stop the hot tears from falling on his cheeks, he took a deep breath. Nothing was clear. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe it was only an illusion that he had seen on doctor Yuki's face. There was always hope. Hope would never leave his wounded heart.

"Shuichi…"

Hearing his name, he sharply opened his eyes and found Doctor Yuki standing next to him with a jacket in his hand.

"Wear this on your shirt and follow me."

Shuichi wore the jacket and miserably noticed that it was too large for him. He couldn't see his hands anymore since they were hidden in the long sleeves and the hem of jacket was almost covering his knees; however he did not complain because it was making him incredibly warm.

Soon, he found himself and doctor Yuki in the huge garden of the hospital. Although it was autumn, it looked unbelievably beautiful. Orange, red and brown leaves had covered the ground. Wind was making the trees shiver and in result, they were losing their dresses. They looked naked; more naked than they did in winter. Birds were singing a sad song; the song of saying good bye, the song of being lonely.

Shuichi shivered, but it wasn't because of coldness, it was because of the sad area around him. Everything looked Sad. Even the sky had started crying and its cold tears were making his face wet.

Finally, doctor Yuki turned around and faced the pink hair boy. He was sad and apprehensive. Never before, he had felt this helpless. Not even when he had lost Howard. Tolerating Howard's death was easier than looking at Shuichi's results. Howard's death was his own fault but Shuichi…It wasn't fair. No it wasn't fair at all. After a long time, someone was showing him the meaning of emotions. Someone was showing him the meaning of living but now…

He couldn't tolerate the feeling of being powerless inside himself anymore. It was hard enough to look at those bright eyes which were always shining with happiness and know that they were going to be closed to this world sooner than anybody had expected them to be. He couldn't duel on the frightening thoughts in his mind anymore.

"Doctor Yuki, Why did you bring me here? It's beginning to rain."

Yes, it was raining. Grey clouds had covered the sun. Now that Yuki wanted to feel the heat of sun on his face, there was no sun and the pink sun in front of him was dying next to him too. He was feeling colder than before. He was feeling frozen. Looking at the white hospital helplessly, he clenched his teeth together. He was shivering from inside, just like those old trees.

"Let's sit on that bench."

Shuichi saw the old green bench and followed Yuki without saying a word. They both sat on it quietly. No word was passing between them. Both of them were feeling extremely sad. Sadness was eating them from inside. Whether it was because of the garden or the results of Shuichi's blood sample, neither of them knew.

All the grasses around the bench were turning an ugly yellow. Everything was screaming 'sorrow'. Suddenly, Shuichi remembered the small doll which was resting on his empty bed now. He remembered how the doll's face had lightened up when doctor Yuki had kissed him. He remembered the kiss on his lips and suddenly he felt better. The remembrance of Yuki's eyes when he had kissed Shuichi made him feel…alive.

'Those eyes looked so honest and wild when he kissed me.'

Sighing softly and hugging his knees, he looked at Doctor Yuki. He was looking at the distance, maybe at the lake near the hospital. Its color was a light blue. Those birds which were singing sadly above their head only a moment go, were now flying on the lake. Shuichi guessed they were homeless….just like him.

"Shuichi, there's something I need to tell you."

Shuichi stopped looking at the lake and looked at Doctor Yuki again. He wasn't wrong when he had thought Doctor Yuki looked disappointed. He still did. Sighing again, he waited for his doctor to say what he wanted to say.

"When doctor Ryouichi showed me your results, I thought he was wrong. I simply couldn't believe it, but today… I'm afraid they were true. I think we have no other choice."

Looking at the young boy, he saw nothing in those eyes. Nothing but their usual brightness and reflect of his own eyes. Shuichi was waiting for him to continue what he was saying with that innocent look on his face. There was no sign of fear in him.

'Isn't he afraid? It's a torture. I can not tell him. I'm not brave enough to tell him. I don't want to see him break. He doesn't deserve to break.'

"We have no other choice but to operate you. It was something I was expecting from the beginning but I did not expect it to happen so soon. I didn't want it to be like that."

"Like what?"

Yuki sighed frustrated. He was losing the courage to tell him. It was going to be harder than what he had expected.

"You have two choices. The first one is to operate your heart as soon as possible but I don't promise….I don't promise you come out of the room …alive but I can't say that you will certainly die either. I do not know anything about this operation. It's a risk. The chance is 50 50 and the second one; you can live for almost four months. Without any problems but after that, you will have to operate and I believe the chance will decrease to 10 90."

Shuichi didn't look at Yuki's eyes anymore. Something was missing in his heart. His heart was feeling emptier than usual. Shuichi knew what was missing in his heart; it was hope. There was no hope for him anymore. All the past nights in that white room, he had been giving himself a false hope. He was wishing for something that was never going to happen; a normal living.

"I will not choose for you Shuichi. The choice is yours."

Shuichi stared at the golden eyes. He swallowed and bit his lip. He guessed it was the way the story was going, but he never wanted to end his story like this. He wanted a happy ending.

'No, it's not finished yet! My story hasn't finished yet. Four months, there are four months left. I won't give up my life like this. I will do whatever I want. I will ride a bike with Hiro. I will eat lots of chocolates and ice creams. I will live like I always wanted to do!'

A small smile appeared on his face and a new light appeared in his eyes. He had made his decision. He was going to live for four months and nobody could get those four months from him.

"I know what to do doctor Yuki! I choose the second option!"

But seeing that shocked expression on Yuki's face he frowned. Was doctor Yuki not going to let him do that? Had he made the wrong decision?

"Do you think it's a bad idea?"

Yuki slowly shook his head and rested his hands on Shuichi's small shoulders.

"No, it's not. I just didn't expect you to choose this option. Usually everybody chooses the first option. "

Shuichi only shrugged. It did not matter for him what others chose to do. It was his life and he wanted to live.

Looking shy all of a sudden, Shuichi smile sheepishly and looked at Yuki from the corner of his eyes. Yuki sighed helplessly and waited for him to ask him what he wanted. No matter what happened, Shuichi never changed.

"Can I ask you to…to…kiss me?"

Suddenly, Yuki sat straight and stared at Shuichi with slightly surprised eyes. Nobody could make his as surprised as Shuichi did. Nobody could make him feel warm and comfortable as Shuichi did.

Shuichi, thinking that Yuki didn't want to kiss him, bit his lip and stood up. He was thinking twice about his decision now. What was the point in living when nobody loved him? He was deep in a depressing thought when a hand grabbed his wrist and made him lose his balance.

Shuichi found himself in the lap of the blonde man and looked at the face which was coming closer and closer to his. Closing his eyes, he felt those strong lips capturing his soft ones.

The kiss wasn't as soft as it was the last time. It was more desperate now. It was speaking of need and weariness, but he didn't complain. He was eager to learn about new things and this kiss was something new for him.

The kiss soon ended. Yuki didn't do anything else. He knew Shuichi knew nothing of physical relationships. He was even in doubt that Shuichi knew anything about emotional relationships either.

He was feeling more hopeless that an hour ago. True, he let Shuichi choose for himself, but he never expected him to choose the second option. Why he wanted to kill himself so easily?

Absentmindedly, he noticed that it was raining harder than before. Letting the boy stand, he stood as well and together they made their ways into the hospital. Neither of them spoke.

All Shuichi could think was the fact that he had made the right decision after all.


	15. Chapter 15

Yuki was staring at the young boy on the bed with a blank expression on his face, trying to understand something, anything, but it seemed to be impossible. He tried to listen to the incoherent words coming out from that small mouth, but they weren't making sense either. He sighed.

"N…no…I…ca...ca…no…co…he…Hel…p...co…bre...no!"

He stepped closer.

Shuichi was shivering. His muscles were trembling. Cold sweat was visible on his unusually pale face. His hands were gripping the pillow too tightly, as if his life was depended on it.

He ran a hand through the boy's sweaty forehead. It was cold, too cold to be considered normal. What was it supposed to mean?

"Yu..no…hel…no…"

The room went silent for a few seconds. Yuki, thinking that the nightmare had stopped was about to leave when Shuichi suddenly screamed out as if some one had hit him hard. He turned around. He was half expecting to see somebody there, hitting Shuichi or something, but he found nobody but Shuichi, who was tossing and turning, moving his hands and trying to do something.

But what was he trying to do? Was he trying to get away from something?

He looked more closely. He was breathing hard, like there was no air to breath. The temperature was reducing unbelievably fast. Shuichi's body looked lifeless all of a sudden. Yuki loudly gasped. He was about to run out of the room, but it started again, like he had pressed the replay button. The scene was repeating again, but this time more horrifying, more…real.

He did not have the heart to watch Shuichi like this anymore. He reached for Shuichi's hands which were moving wildly and gently squeezed them. At first nothing happed, but suddenly Shuichi started to breathe again. His temperature was starting to go back to normal and the hands started to squeeze his own not too gently. Yuki leaned down and watched the sleeping beauty, but he was shaking inside. He did not want to admit it, but the truth was that he was awfully scared. He was scared of seeing the boy like this. It was making him go crazy. And why didn't Shuichi know anything about it?

'Maybe he knows, but he doesn't say anything.'

His thought did not comfort him at all. It just scared him more. He was generally scared of anything that he could not find a reason for and damn it to hell! He could not understand this strange boy at all.

He only sighed.

Leaning down, he brushed his lips to Shuichi's cold ones and closed his eyes. Wasn't life ironic? What was happening to them, to him, to Shuichi and to Tatsuha? Wasn't ironic that whenever he saw Shuichi, he ran out of answers? He always ran out of reasons, out of logic, when it came to Shuichi, and only god knew that he liked the feeling, the feeling of being illogical, and the feeling of being free of mind.

Was he able to listen to the sound of his heart?

He silently left the room. It was past midnight, but he was in no mood of going home and handling Angelina. Ignoring Doctor Butler by purpose, he went to his office and turned the light on. It was cold.

He sat behind his desk and stared at the book on it.

_The relation between dreams and mental diseases_

He remembered the day when he had visited Professor Mitchell. Professor did not believe in dreams, then why should he? But then again professor hadn't seen what he had seen. He hadn't seen Shuichi. He hadn't felt the presence of death like Yuki had. Something was definitely wrong with this pink hair boy.

He opened the book. As he was looking at the first page, he thought that maybe what Shuichi was seeing was not a simple dream. Maybe it was a nightmare, a night terror or maybe a memory. Putting on his glasses, he decided that the best way of finding it out was to talk with him, but then he remembered the day when he had talked with the boy and he passed out and almost groaned. What was he supposed to do?

'I have to get close to the boy. I have to make him trust me. Then I will find the answers. There will be no ore questions unanswered. I will make sure of it.'

Satisfied with his thought he began to read.

A nightmare is a dream occurring during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep that results in feelings of inescapable terror, fear or extreme anxiety. This phenomenon tends to occur in the latter part of the night and oftentimes awakens the sleeper, who is likely to recall the content of the dream. Most nightmares may be a normal reaction to stress, and some clinicians believe they aid people in...

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"So Eiri, When are you going to operate Shindou?"

Eiri did not answer. Staring at his reflection in his cup of coffee, he let his mind drift back to the pink hair boy.

He was tired; he hadn't slept last night, not even for ten minutes. He couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes, the image of Shuichi, shaking and screaming would appear. He was ready to swear that this boy was going to be the end of him.

Shaking his head, he swore silently. He was not acting like himself lately and he damned well knew why.

'You are a man Eiri! Do not act less than one. That boy means nothing to you. You can not even stand him. Just forget about him! He'll live for four months and then you'll get rid of him. It's as easy as that.'

"Are you feeling okay, Yuki?"

Eiri shook his head again. He knew he was lying to himself. The boy did matter to him; he did not know the reason though. He didn't care about anybody. Shuichi shouldn't have been any exception, but he was. The question was 'why?'

There were so many people he had dated; Beautiful women, famous women and nice girls. Only god knew how many times he had had sex with men but nobody, absolutely no body had attracted his attention. Then why a simple, sick and soon to be dying boy was effecting on him so much?

"Are you listening to me Eiri?"

Suddenly, becoming aware of the fact that Ryouichi was talking to him, he looked at the older doctor. There was a frown on his face. Eiri supposed he had been thinking for a long time.

"What were you saying?"

"I asked, when are you going to operate Shindou?"

Yuki ran a hand through his blonde hair. Every bloody thing was reminding him of Shuichi. His life was cursed.

"I'm not going to operate him, Ryouichi."

Ryouichi was silent at first. He was sitting next to Eiri silently. Suddenly understanding what Yuki had said, he jumped from his seat and screamed:

"What do you mean?"

'I only mean what I said."

Ryouichi shook his hands in the air, frustrated. It was so typical of Yuki. He was the only one in the whole hospital to do odd and unexpected things.

"Don't you understand Yuki? Tohma will kill you! He will not let the boy stay here any longer. You know that the boy has an unclear background."

Yuki's eyes flashed dangerously. He was in no mood of arguing with Tohma. He was not going to be the one to stop the boy from doing what he wanted.

"I did not choose for him. He chose it himself Ryouichi and I respect his choice."

Ryouichi shook his head. Tohma was not going to let the boy stay and as far as he knew, the boy was homeless. They couldn't let him stay in the streets.

"Yuki, you know it's impossible. He can not stay in hospital."

Yuki stood up angrily. He could care less about what Tohma was thinking. Tohma could go to hell. There was an important thing he had to do and this time, tohma was not going to stop him. He was not going to let the incident in England happen again.

"He will not stay in this bloody hospital Ryouichi."

"What do you mean?"

Yuki didn't answer him and soon, he was out of Ryouichi's sight.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Shuichi stared at his reflection in the mirror. He looked as pale as a ghost. There was no sign of life in his face except his eyes which were shining, despite the fact that they had seen so many hurtful things in a very short period of time. Those cheeks which were always rosy were now white, just like the walls of his damned room. His lips were pink. You could even say they were white. His hands were shaking from not having strength in them. There was no proper food to eat in this bloody hospital. He loathed soup. It had no taste. He was craving for ice cream. Yes, Ice cream with lots and lots of chocolates, maybe a good sandwich or even a pizza. His stomach grumbled loudly, showing that indeed, it was empty. His stomach was itching for a good food in it.

Shuichi groaned and sat on his bed. Everything was spinning around. As minutes were passing, he was becoming weaker and weaker. He groaned again. No! He was strong. He was stronger than this. He could handle a small orgasm of his body very easily.

'My heart is not as big as a rat and God knows haw many problems it has caused for me!'

Burying his head in the not so much soft pillow, he tried to sleep, but he couldn't. His stomach was announcing that it was still empty. It needed food.

Shuichi sighed. He was so upset; he could start to cry at any moment. Four months. He had only four months and he had to waste in this damned hospital. Time was against him. It never stopped for anybody, not even Shuichi. He remembered once his mother told him he should be like time.

"Never stop Shuichi. Never look back. Let the past be the past. Let go of bad moments of life or else they'll destroy you."

But it was hard. It was so hard to forget the past; like it had never happened. He had tried. He had tried to forget about everything. So many times, he had tried to start anew, but they never left him. They always followed him until they made sure he would never forget them, sometimes in dreams, sometimes in reality.

Putting his hand on his heart, he tried to feel his heart beat. It was weak. His heart was barely hanging on. Everything wanted to go. Everything wanted to live.

'Nobody wants me to live. Am I that disgusting? Don't I deserve to live, just like every body else does?'

The smell of alcohol was tickling his nose. He never liked its smell. It always reminded him of pain and syringes. There was nothing good in this hospital, always cries, always death. It was not fair. He didn't want to feel the pain anymore. He wanted to live, he wanted…happiness.

A small tear escaped from his eyes. Slowly, it ran down on his cheek and landed on the white pillow. One after another, the tears made the pillow wet, but no sound escaped from Shuichi's lips. There was no sound left to whine, no sound left to complain.

Now, laughter and giggles were giving their places to sobs and cries. What a sad tragedy. In all of the people, why Shuichi's destiny was so cruel? Why a person like him had to die?

'I don't want to die. I don't want to die!'

His thoughts were cutting his heart like draggers. He was going to die but it wasn't the reason why he felt so sad. No, there was another thought that was making his muscles numb with a white pain.

'I'm going to die without experiencing the sweet feeling of being loved.'

It was the reason why he was feeling so miserable. How many nights had he spent in a white room, thinking of the reason why nobody loved him? He did not know. He did not want to know. It did not matter anymore. He was right when he had thought he shouldn't have cared at all.

'It's Time to let go Shuichi. Soon, you'll join your mother. Didn't you want to join her, when you were a child? Now, the time has come. Four months, wait for four months and then you'll see her, her serene smile, her lovely face."

But even his mother's memory couldn't comfort his bleeding heart. There was only one cure, only one cure to stop the bleeding, love.

Shuichi curled up into a ball and wept freely, the coldness of the bed was making him shiver, but he decided to ignore it, like how everybody had ignored his existence.

It was how Doctor Yuki found his patient. He looked like a new born baby. His weeps were muffled by his pillow. He could tell that the pillow was wet. It showed that he had been crying for a long time.

Yuki stayed next to the door, unsure of what to do. It was not a nice sight, seeing an energetic boy crying his eyes out like that. He crossed his arms and leaned on the door. The sound of the boy's sobs was increasing as the seconds were passing by. Why was he crying?

'He's crying because he's going to die… Do I want him to die?'

He decided that no, he did not want Shuichi to die; he didn't want to see him crying either. It did not suit him. Those lips were made to smile, to kiss, not to tighten because of the sobs. Those eyes were made to shine with happiness, with lust, not with those crystal tears. That voice was made to giggle with delight and moan with pleasure, not to sob for that heart broken heart.

Yuki shook his head; there was no time to think like that. He knew that god had spent more time on Shuichi than the others, but now, it wasn't the time or the place to admire god's work. He decided that he'll do that at home.

"I thought you were almost eighteen years old."

Shuichi almost fell from the bed form shock. Sitting on the bed as fast as he could, he glanced at doctor Yuki's tall frame next to the door. The man was radiating confidence and arrogance from himself. Shuichi thought that there was no man, absolutely no man like Doctor Yuki. Who could be so arrogant and cold hearted, but so sexy and desirable at the same time?

"What do you mean doctor Yuki?"

Yuki sat on the bed next to Shuichi and stared at those lavender eyes. They were puffy and red, but still as innocent as ever. There was no sin in the boy. Yuki doubted that Shuichi knew what a sin was. He was no angel; he was a childlike human with lavender eyes and pink hair. He was a lovely boy, no more, no less.

'A virgin boy.'

Yuki added to himself. In a short second, Eiri wished he had seen Shuichi sooner. He wondered what would happen if Shuichi was not sick. What would happen if he had seen Shuichi instead of Howard, but then again, he thought that no, he liked it this way. He wanted Shuichi this way.

"Since you were acting like a five-year-old, I thought maybe I was mistaken about your age."

Shuichi's face reddened from embarrassment and anger. It was not fair how Doctor Yuki always mocked him and he never had any answer to give. Cleaning his eyes with the back of his hand, he gave doctor Yuki a watery smile and asked.

"Did you only come here to embarrass me?"

Yuki didn't answer first, he took out a cigarette from the breast pocket of his uniform and was about to light it up, when he changed his mind. Smoke was not good for Shuichi's heart. Throwing the cigarette in the garbage, he stared at those big eyes again.

"Get ready."

Shuichi titled his head in confusion. Morning sunlight was making his wet face shine, whether it was shining because of tears or innocence, Yuki did not know. Shuichi licked his salty lips and blinked. Once, twice, but no sound came from Doctor Yuki. He was sitting on the bed, staring at him with those bold daring eyes. This doctor did not know anything about shame.

"Why should I get ready?"

Yuki stood up and Shuichi absentmindedly noticed that doctor Yuki's white uniform was always clean; no trace of blood, alcohol or drugs. No existence dared to make him angry. Doctor Yuki was unique.

Without looking at the boy, he left the room. His tall and lean frame was out of Shuichi's sight when he heard his cold voice from behind the white walls.

"Gather everything you have. Don't miss anything behind and say good bye to that red hair friend of yours. You may not see him again."

Shuichi panicked for a moment. All his muscles clenched with a paralyzing fear. Did doctor want to operate him? But no, he had said that it was Shuichi's choice and he had chosen to live. Then what did he mean? Couldn't they let him stay in the hospital anymore? Were they going to hand him to police?

Without knowing, his body had started to shake. Fear was flowing in his veins, making all the muscles immobile. No, he did not want to go to police. They did not have any mercy. He shuddered at those horrible memories. Remembering their merciless eyes when they were asking him endless questions, made his mouth dry.

Shaking his head slightly, he stood up. His legs were shaking. He could not walk. The fear was too great to bear. What was going to happen to him? He did not know. His mind was not working. It was frozen with fear.

He did not know when he had walked to Hiro's room, but when he looked up, he was looking at Hiro's brown eyes. They were as kind usual, even kinder if that was possible.

"Hey Shuichi, What's up?"

Shuichi did not answer. He could not answer. No sound was coming from his throat. Doctor Yuki had said he was not going to be able to see Hiro anymore. God no! Please no! He did not want to lose the only friend he had, Hiro with his kind words, Hiro with his confidence, Hiro with his remarkable smile. He shuddered again.

"Are you all right Shuichi? Do you want me to call a nurse?"

No, he did not need any nurse. He wanted Hiro. He wanted life. He wanted…happiness. Running toward Hiro, he circled his arms around the slender waist and buried his head in the older boy's chest, inhaling Hiro's scent. Hiro smelled like chocolate and guitar.

Getting a grip on himself, he released Hiro and smiled warmly. No need to be upset when you're around your best friend… your only friend.

"Hiroshi, I'm going. To tell you the truth I don't know where, but I am sure it can't be worse than this hospital. I just came to say good-bye."

Hiroshi looked puzzled.

"Where are you going? You're not okay yet! What if something happens to your heart? You just can't leave!"

Shuichi shook his head. A small light of hope had appeared in the depths of his heart. Maybe his wish was coming true. Maybe these four months were going to be different. Who knew?

Hiroshi sighed deeply. It seemed Shuichi was serious. Finding a piece of paper in the mess under his bed, he wrote his address and his phone number on it and hesitantly, gave it to Shuichi. It has been such a long time that he hadn't felt lonely. Nobody could feel lonely when Shuichi was around, but now, the old feeling was back.

Shuichi smiled again. This smile was not weak, it was not watery. It was a real smile, as bright as the sunshine. Hiro smile too and took Shuichi's hands in both of his. It was cold, probably because he was sick, but Hiro was certain of something. He was certain that nobody had a heart as warm as Shuichi's.

Shuichi did not say anything else. Turning around, he left Hiroshi's room. For some unknown reasons he was feeling totally better. Now, he could face anything.

Finding himself in his room, he opened the small white closet and took out his orange sack bag. Putting on his green short and orange shirt, he sighed. He did not know where he was going but he knew that he had no other choice. He just had to let his destiny guide him. There was no energy left for him to fight his destiny.

Sighing again, he started to walk in the long hallways and looked around. For the first time, he tried to memorize the faces of nurses, the colors of their uniforms, the white walls and the patients. They had so many memories in them, most of them bad memories, but they were memories nonetheless, a part of Shuichi's life.

When he looked at Doctor Yuki's office, Yuki was standing at the doorway. His uniform was gone. Instead, he was wearing a black suit with a black tie. Shuichi noticed that ironically, Doctor Yuki always wore black or white and more ironically, he always looked good.

'There is no color in this man.'

"What were you doing? I never knew getting ready could take so much time. You are worse than women."

Shuichi didn't say anything at first, but it didn't take a lot of time for his face to become totally red. His eyes were almost shining from anger. Funny, how easily he could get angry. Shuichi was indeed very good at showing his emotions.

"I'm not a girl!"

Yuki only turned around and started to walk. He mentioned for Shuichi to follow him. Shuichi did not waste a second, he practically ran to Doctor Yuki. It was hard to keep up with Doctor Yuki's graceful steps, especially after not walking for such long time.

"No, you're not a girl. You are worse than girls."

Shuichi almost burst from anger. How did he dare to call him a girl? He was not a girl. He did not act like girls. It was not true. He remembered those days when everybody at school called him pink hair girl and sighed. It was not his fault that he had pink hair and lavender eyes or a slender body. He could do nothing about them.

"Good morning professor Yuki."

Yuki did not answer. He simply kept on walking. Shuichi glanced at the black man. His face was showing that he was not waiting for an answer. His face was awfully familiar for Shuichi; he couldn't tell were he had seen the man though. As he thought more, he remembered the well toned man. He was the security guard of the hospital. No wonder why he was so masculine. He remembered the day he had walked into this hospital, on a bran card, the security guard had looked at him with such pity that his stomach had churned. He did not need any one's pity. He was strong. True, he was going to die, but it did not change the fact that he was still human and he still had so many wishes.

'I want to feel love.'

Shuichi smiled. What a nice sentence…Feeling love….Shuichi couldn't help but wonder what kind of a feeling being in love was. Was it sweet? Was it warm? Was it comforting? He could feel the heat on his cheeks. Was it how those two men were feeling when they were in that alley? Was it how he had felt when he had….touched himself?

Yuki glanced at Shuichi and seeing the cute blush on his face, smirked. It was too bad that the boy could not hide his emotions at all. He wondered what would happen if he…no, there was no time to think like that. This boy was not any body else. This boy was not a one night stand.

"Don't let your mind drift so far away Shindou. You still need your mind to think straightly, if you think at all."

Soon, both the doctor and the patient found themselves in the huge parking lot. Shuichi stared at the fancy cars with awe. Never before, had he seen so many beautiful cars all together. Looking around, he tried to guess which one was doctor Yuki's. Suddenly Doctor Yuki stopped. Shuichi stopped behind him and looked around. What was wrong? Nobody was there. It was an area where only cars lived. Shuichi named it city of fancy cars.

When he looked at Doctor Yuki, he was opening the door of a…Mercedes Benz? His jaw hit the floor. What a car! It was pure black, the color of doctor Yuki. Shuichi had to admit that the car was made for a man like Doctor Yuki, arrogant and merciless. Yuki opened the other door for him when he heard a noise from behind. He turned around sharply, half expecting to see somebody there, but he saw nobody. There was a suspicious silence in the car city. Somebody was hiding behind the sea of cars, but whom?

"Are you getting in or not?"

Snapping out of his trance, He carefully sat in the car, as if he was afraid to damage it. Yuki did not say a word. Turning the car around, they left the parking lot and stepped into the streets of L.A.


	16. Chapter 16

Shadows' prince: Many thanks to my reviewers and people and people who have actually read this story. I know that this is story is a bit…ah…different from the other ones in F.F, but it's good to have a change from time to time, no?

Disclaimer: It does no belong to me, but I am going to become an animator in the future, then maybe I own something, but until then…

Chapter 16

Shuichi's fascinated eyes were locked to the moving cars. Streets were noisy, full of cars, full of people. The streets were alive. Every body was doing something. Someone was shouting. A drunken man was running from on way to another. He was singing ridiculous songs. A mother was holding her little son's hand. Cars were speeding down the road faster now.

Shuichi smiled. It was what he wanted to see. He wanted to live like the others, just a normal living.

'Is it possible? Can I live like the others, even if it's only for four months?'

He didn't know the answer because he didn't know the meaning of living. All the past years of his life were full of pain, full of his abusive father's memories, full of…

No, he was not going to ruin his day with thinking about his past. He was going to be like time. He was not going to look back. These four months were going to be the best months of his life, something was bothering him though. Where was Yuki taking him, to the police, a new hospital or maybe his father? Shuddering at the thought of his father, he hugged his bare knees.

"Are you cold?"

The soft voice seemed so cruel to him, so unforgivable. Was Yuki brutal enough to hand him to police? Was he brutal enough to…?

Shuddering again, he stared at people. They looked so happy, so content. It was not fair. He did not want to die. God damn it! He did not want to die. Couldn't God hear his voice? Couldn't God grant his wish just for once?

Suddenly, he felt something warm on his bare legs. Looking down, he saw Doctor Yuki's black coat covering his legs. It felt so good. He liked warm things. He liked warmness. It reminded him of security, of happiness, of …love.

"You're more stupid that what I originally thought. No sane man wears shorts in autumn. Cover your legs with my coat."

Shuichi felt ashamed and stupid. Doctor Yuki could not do those things to him, could he? Shuichi liked to think that he couldn't. He wanted to trust this man. He wanted to show all the good things in this life to Yuki. He did not know why, but embarrassingly enough, he was aware of the emotions he was feeling toward the handsome man. The memory of touching himself was still fresh in his mind. It was not the feeling of his own hands that made him feel so much pleasure; it was Yuki's eyes, Yuki's hands…Shuichi shook his head. It was not right to think like that. He would end up doing something stupid…again.

The car stopped. It was not a good moment for Shuichi. He did not dare to look around to see where he was. He was too afraid to see a police, a new doctor or maybe worse, his father in front of him. He was almost certain that he could not bear it.

When he looked at Yuki, he was getting out of the car. Where was he going? Was he going to leave him alone?

Opening the door, the first thing he felt was the hard slap of the wind on his face. Although it was noon, it was very cold. His hands were shaking; it was mostly from fear though. What if he couldn't see Doctor Yuki any more? His heart beat almost stopped. He could already feel the pangs of pain in his chest. He knew it, he knew from the beginning that his life was meant to be miserable. Happiness had no place in his limited life. Tears made his visions blurred.

Yuki glanced at the pink hair boy. He was shaking. He had to. It was freezing and he was wearing shorts and a shirt. Not suitable clothes for this month of year. Although it was only November, the weather was freezing. It was colder than usual, so cold that you could almost feel the blood freeze in your veins.

Shuichi almost cried when he felt a pair of hands on his small shoulders. It was Doctor Yuki. He was making Shuichi wear his coat. It was too big for him but he couldn't be more grateful. It was warm and it smelled of smoke and bear. It smelled of sin, but Shuichi liked it. It was Yuki's small. Only he had this rich smell.

"Follow me before you freeze to death."

Shuichi hurriedly obeyed. There was something in Doctor Yuki's voice that always made him obey, like gravitation. He liked doctor Yuki. He did not know why, he couldn't understand why. Doctor Yuki was not kind, he was certainly not a patient type, or a lovely one, but he was passionate. He was fervent and cold at the same time. Doctor Yuki did not attract anybody with his hotness; he mostly attracted everybody with his cold aura around him. Nobody, absolutely nobody was like Doctor Yuki. He was an exception in the world.

Soon, Shuichi found himself in a very big building. It was quiet, too quiet. Even walls were silent. He couldn't even hear the whispers of wind. There was only silence, silence and nothing else.

"Where are we going Doctor Yuki?"

Shuichi almost whispered the words. He was too afraid to break the silence. The building although quiet, did not look scary at all.

"We are going to see where I live."

Shuichi's jaw almost hit the floor. A feeling of great pleasure was almost making his heart burst. Was he really going to see Doctor Yuki's apartment? He giggled in delight. For so many nights he had dreamt of Yuki's apartment, how did it look like or how big it was.

When he looked around, Doctor Yuki was not in sight. Frightened a bit, he swallowed. Suddenly the building wasn't entirely silent anymore. He could hear cruel whispers, sounds of footsteps, sounds of drops of water falling…_his_ voice which was lost in the greater sound of wind.

He shivered.

"Why are you standing there like an idiot? Move!"

Shuichi frantically turned around and to his relief, he saw doctor Yuki standing on the stairs with crossed arms, waiting impatiently for him to come. Shuichi ran to him like a five-year-old child but he wasn't fast. His legs were numb and he was feeling cold, he did not complain though.

Yuki watched Shuichi running to him, the way he was running to him with the over sized coat he was wearing, a smile on the small lips and sparkle in the lavender eyes…Yuki felt a wave of pleasure inside him. Was anybody more naïve than Shuichi? But then he thought that he liked it this way. He liked to feel young and curious again. Shuichi was a good object to begin with.

Shuichi looked at the stairs uncertainly. They looked long and endless. He didn't like the way the darkness had surrendered it.

Yuki however, did not say anything. Without looking at Shuichi he started to climb the stairs. Shuichi did not move a muscle. He miserably noted that he didn't like the stairs at all. He was almost positive that something was going to happen up there. Maybe he was acting stupid, or maybe it was because of the fact that he was afraid of darkness, whatever the reason was he told himself that he was not going to go up there, in the heart of darkness.

"Can't we go up with elevator?"

And then he heard Doctor Yuki's voice which was fading as he was going up.

"No."

Shuichi did not like the way Doctor Yuki answered him. It left no room for objection. He never liked these kinds of answers. Why did everybody always told him no? Why nobody ever listened to him? He shook his head and thought to himself that it a better idea to go up there with Yuki rather than climb the never-ending stairs alone.

Climbing the stairs hurriedly, he noticed that it was not too bad after all. The small windows were lightening the way. It was not too dark. Seeing the tall figure of doctor Yuki, he sped up. He felt secure with doctor Yuki, something he had never felt before.

Shuichi thought he had walked for an eternally when they finally stopped. His heart was beating so fast, he could exactly feel it in his chest. It felt heavy and useless. Shuichi sarcastically noted that it was exactly what he was feeling: useless. Nobody, yes, nobody needed him. Nobody cared about him. Nobody …loved him.

It was a sickening feeling. He did not know the reason. Was it because he was ugly? Yes, maybe it was the reason. Nobody liked pink hair or purple eyes. He was skinny and short Or maybe it was because he didn't know anything about…sex? But it was not his fault. It was not his fault that nobody found him appealing enough to kiss. Well, nobody but doctor Yuki. A bright smile appeared on his lips only to vanish as quickly as it had appeared.

Maybe Doctor Yuki had kissed him because he pitted him. Maybe he had kissed him to make him feel better. He was a psychologist after all. For a moment, only for a moment he had forgotten that Doctor Yuki was his Doctor and he was his patient. Only for a brief moment he had thought he could make doctor Yuki love him, but he knew, four months, he was going to live only for four months and then he could carry his wish to his tomb, but then he thought stubbornly:

'It will not stop me from loving him. I will love him with all of my heart. At last I owe him this much.'

When he looked at doctor Yuki, he was opening the entrance door of his apartment. He smiled again. So it was not a dream. Or maybe it was a dream coming true. He couldn't care at that moment. All he could care about was the feeling of excitedly mixed with anticipation inside of him.

'But why am I here?'

He didn't have the chance to think about the answer because Doctor Yuki mentioned for him to go in.

The first feeling he had when he stepped into the huge apartment was emptiness. There weren't much stuff in it, only necessary things, Sofas, a TV, A table and a wooden clock which was hanging from the bare walls. The second feeling he had was loneliness. Everything looked lonely, from the sofa to the newspaper. The third feeling he had was anxiety. Why had doctor Yuki brought him here? Was he going to…?

"Are you hungry?"

He wanted to say no. It was not right to say yes, especially since he did not know what he was doing here, but two reasons stopped him from saying no. One of them was because he was horribly hungry and the second one was because stupidly enough, he trusted doctor Yuki with all his heart, he did not know the reason though.

"Yes, I am hungry."

Doctor Yuki had disappeared somewhere, probably in his bedroom. Shuichi didn't hear him say anything. Was he going to make him starve? It certainly looked that way. The images of delicious foods with more delicious desert made him even hungrier. Now that Doctor Yuki had reminded him that he was hungry, it had more difficult to bear it.

When Doctor Yuki reappeared in the living room, Shuichi saw that he had changed into a more comfortable pants and a white shirt. He hadn't buttoned up his shirt and Shuichi could see a perfectly fare skin, shining in the dim light of the sun.

"Go and take a shower. Then we can eat lunch and after that, maybe I'll tell you the reason why I have brought you here."

Shuichi nervously looked down. There was a kind of boldness in the way Yuki had talked that made his heart beat faster. He couldn't look at Yuki's face anymore. Now, that he was alone with his doctor in his house, the memory of himself, touching himself was fresher than before. He wondered how it would feel if actually Yuki himself…

He furiously shook his head. He shouldn't have thought like that. It was not right. It was not true! He couldn't feel like this. If doctor Yuki figured this out, then he would never talk to Shuichi again. He had to stop thinking like that. His imagination failed to cooperate with him though.

"Don't worry about your clothes. I'll try to find something in your size."

Shuichi followed Yuki to the bathroom. Yuki silently opened the door for him and stood next to the wall, waiting for Shuichi to go in. Shuichi looked at his doctor and gave him a watery smile, but Yuki did not show anything. His face was as emotionless as ever.

Shuichi went inside and the door closed behind him. He looked around. It was a huge bathroom. Everything was clean. Shuichi mentally noted that he liked this bathroom more than the small bathrooms in the hospital. Those bathrooms were more like some holes rather than bathrooms. It smelled nice. It smelled like the perfume that Doctor Yuki always used. Shuichi decided that he actually like anything that reminded him of his cold-hearted doctor. Shuichi thought to himself that Yuki was not going to stay like that forever. Shuichi was going to melt that ice, no matter how much it cost.

Taking off his clothes, he shivered as the coldness surrendered him. Getting rid of his underpants, he stepped into the hot water. It felt nice. The water in hospital was always cold. He never liked taking showers in hospitals. He was always obliged to do that, but here the story was different. The hot water was making his skin rosy and numb. He liked the feeling. It made him lightly giggle.

He felt like singing. Not in a long time, he had felt this cheerful, this…alive. Sighing contentedly, he was about to turn around when he lost his balance.

It happened in three seconds, but for Shuichi it was like forever. He put his hand on the wall, but since it was wet it did not help him much. With a very loud noise he fell on the ground. As his body made contact with the wet and cold floor, he cried out in pain.

It didn't take more than ten seconds for the bathroom door to open and relieve a worried Yuki and it didn't take more than two seconds for him to see the pink hair boy on the floor, sitting in a very awkward position, his eyes shut and his skin…bare and wet.

Yuki did not know what to do. At first, he decided to close the door and forget what he had seen, but he changed his mind. Going inside and closing the door, he went straight to Shuichi and let the water wet his new clothes. Shuichi's eyes were still tightly shut. Yuki thought that maybe he had broken something. His fall had certainly made a horrible noise. He kneeled next to Shuichi. He had become completely wet now, but he couldn't care at the moment. It was a very unusual moment, his patient on the floor, not reacting at all and himself kneeling next to him, trying to figure out something from the flushed face.

Shuichi's eyes suddenly opened. At first they looked puzzled, like they did not know what had happened, but then with a loud cry, Shuichi clumsily tried to cover himself which didn't help much.

"When…when… did you…you… come in?"

Shuichi was stuttering. He did not know what happened. He fell down and when he opened his eyes, he was staring at Yuki's golden eyes. Then he remembered that he was totally naked and Yuki was watching every inch of his body. He could feel the heat on his face. Doctor Yuki was watching him!

When he found the courage to look at his doctor's eyes again, he embarrassingly noted that they had changed. They looked darker now, something very close to brown, the color of a tiger's eyes and the way those eyes were staring at his lavender ones…it was making his heart beat ten times faster. Never before, he had seen Doctor Yuki like this. He looked like he badly needed to do something and Shuichi, although he was highly embarrassed, noted that he liked how Doctor Yuki looked.

Yuki closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The image of Shuichi, sitting like that on the floor was not arousing, but it made him feel…strange. He took another deep breath and tried to take this new emotion under control but found it very difficult since he had never felt it before.

'A kiss, I'll only kiss him and that's it.'

It was what Yuki thought as he opened his eyes and looked at Shuichi's face. The way those eyes were looking at him in puzzlement, the way he was licking his lower lip nervously and the way water was running on his bare chest made him certain to kiss the cute boy.

Leaning in slowly, he decided not to close his eyes. He wanted to look at the wet face; he wanted to save the image. Unhurriedly, almost painfully, he pressed his lips to the younger ones. They did not taste anything especial, but there was something that made Yuki want to do more. He liked the way those lips were clumsily trying to mimic what he was doing.

Shuichi's eyes quickly closed. It was an automatic action, but Eiri kept his eyes open. He decided that he was going to love kissing the boy. It was something he wasn't going to get tired from. He moved his lips a bit, trying to taste something, but oddly enough; they still did not have any taste. It only made Yuki more eager to explore those little pink lips.

Not being able to stop himself, he ran his tongue on the wet lips, tasting the water along with the especial taste of Shuichi. Shuichi tried to draw himself back, but Yuki's hands were firmly gripping his arms, like he had expected Shuichi to pull back.

Yuki gave Shuichi time, trying to let him understand what he had to do, but Shuichi did not do anything. He sat motionless and tried to understand what Yuki was doing to his lips. It was odd, new, but he liked it. His tongue was tickling his small lips and he was feeling warmer than before.

Yuki could not wait anymore. Putting his right hand on the boy's chin, he forcefully but not painfully, opened the young boy's mouth and captured the bottom lip in his mouth.

Shuichi almost gasped when he felt the hot tongue entering his mouth. Was it how every body kissed? He wished he had kissed somebody before. If he had kissed somebody before he wouldn't make a fool out of himself now. Shyly, he tried not to touch Yuki's tongue with his own, but it seemed it was what Doctor Yuki wanted to do.

It was something new for Shuichi. It felt unbelievable. The kiss was making him feel impatient. Impatient to do something, but he did not know what. He was going to feel exactly like when he had touched himself, desperate to do more. He moaned helplessly, he only wished he knew what to do.

Yuki almost groaned. Shuichi was shying his tongue away from his, but it still felt good. No one had kissed him like this. It was something absolutely new. Shuichi was not the world's best kisser but Yuki thought that he was really enjoying the fact that he was in total control. He thought about how he could teach Shuichi to do what he wanted him to do and how to make the boy enjoy it too.

Damn it! He was getting aroused.

He titled his head, trying to explore more, but still he did not close his eyes. He liked how the boy's eyes were closed as if he was in pure bliss. Shuichi moaned again. Yuki almost moaned himself. They boy's voice was weak and soft. Something that made him feel more impatient to discover all parts of the younger boy's slender body.

His hands traveled to the boy's chest. Shuichi was laying on the floor now and Yuki was above him, his taller frame covering all parts of the younger boy. He liked the way how the boy's skin was pressed to his wet clothes. It was making him more aroused than before.

His larger fingers found the small pink nipples. Shuichi hurriedly tried to push away. His face looked frightened, uncomfortable; However, Yuki did not let him go. His knees were on either sides of the boy's hip, not letting him move even a little and his fingers started their slow, torturing pleasure.

"Calm down. I will not hurt you. Just try to enjoy it."

It seemed that Yuki's soothing command work because slowly, Shuichi's eyes closed and a small moan escaped from his mouth. The water had turned cold but neither of them cared, for their body was so hot they could not feel anything else.

Yuki's cold lips found their way to the exposed neck and started to kiss it like he had done it countless times before. It tasted good, it tasted like Shuichi. The kisses lost their gentility and became more forceful, more lustful, and then he started to lick, desperate to hear a moan from Shuichi.

When had he become like this? Never before had he tried to please somebody. It was always them wanting to please him not the other way around, but now, it was more pleasant to hear the boy moan and shiver at his touches than somebody pleasing him. He liked it more this way; he was never going to admit it though.

His teeth began to do their magic. They nibbled and chewed the sensitive skin, making it red and bruised. He could hear the boy's sharp breathing, he could feel the boy's erection and he liked it. He liked it because no body else had ever made him feel this way before. Nobody had ever given him all the access to do what he felt like to do, he moaned again.

Lips started to kiss the hairless chest. He could hear the boy's fast heart beat and for a short moment it made him stop what he was doing, but then he started beating again and pushed the fact of Shuichi dying in the back of his mind.

Shuichi's hands traveled to the man's shoulders and gripped the wet shirt tightly. His face was flushed and his heart was beating fast. He was aware of the fact that he was hard and more embarrassingly, he was aware of the fact that Doctor Yuki was rubbing it with his knee quite purposely, but he couldn't deny that it felt really good.

Suddenly, he felt two lips capturing his small nipple. At first, all he could think of was how horribly embarrassing it was but then he began to like it. Those sharps teeth were playing with it and he absentmindedly note that it had become hard.

Doctor Yuki started to suck the other small nipple. He liked how it tasted. It was only Shuichi's taste. Remembering that he was the only one who was doing these things to Shuichi made him groan with satisfaction.

Slowly, he guided Shuichi's hands under his wet shirt and tried to tell him to take it off. He knew that he could easily do it himself but damn it! He liked how those small hands were finding their way toward his shoulder.

Yuki moaned when Shuichi clumsily took the shirt off and started to mimic what Yuki had done to him. The lips were hot against his cold chest. They were burning his chest with a passion unknown to him, so many people had kissed him, but none were honest, all of them were like a duty, like a habit, but here, this boy was kissing him simply because he wanted to see his reaction. He wanted to learn. He wanted to enjoy what he was doing.

He did not know what was going to happen next.

Yuki started to kiss the abdomen, tasting the cold water against his lips. His hands traveled to the boy's thighs. Massaging them, but purposely, avoiding his private area. It was soon. It was still too soon. He was not satisfied.

Stopping the massage, he guided the boy's hands to his pants and rested them on it, silently showing him to take it off. He saw the flicker of fear in the boy's eyes, but decided to ignore it. It was too late to stop now.

The button came undone and the zipper went down slowly. Yuki groaned and absentmindedly, put his middle finger on the boy's entrance. Something he had done to countless people but the reaction of Shuichi was too different from them.

The boy's body went rigid, like the night when he had a nightmare. His eyes were shut. And his hands were balled in to fists. His legs were pressed to Yuki's hips.

Somehow, in the middle of kissing, Yuki had opened the boy's legs and now was kneeling between them.

At first, he thought he heard wrong, but then he heard it again. The pink hair boy was whimpering. He was desperately trying to stop himself but Yuki heard him. His face had become deadly pale and he was shaking.

Yuki draw his hand away. He did not know why, but he could not, would not continue while Shuichi seemed to suffer from it.

Slowly, he cupped the boy's cheek in his hand and made him open his eyes. The lavender pools looked frightened as if they were waiting for a horrible thing to happen.

Yuki made the boy sit and kneeled next to him. The boy's wet skin was shinning and tiny marks were visible on his chest but Yuki didn't look at them. He just focused on the boy's once serene, now frightened face.

There was only the sound of water running when suddenly Shuichi began to cry. Yuki watched as Shuichi hugged his knees and rested his head on them in a very pathetic manner.

"I…I…am...am…so…sorry."

Yuki did not know what to say. He did not know what to do either. He had handled so many patients in his life, but this one was really awkward, a boy sitting in his bathroom floor and crying his eyes out.

He took the boy's wet chin in his hand and made him look up.

"Do not apologize. You have done nothing wrong. Let's get out before we both catch a cold."

He took the boy's shaking hand in his and was about to get up when the boy took his hand away. When he looked at him, the pink hair boy was looking at him in a very innocent way. He was ready to swear the boy wanted to ask something.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know why, but my stomach hurts."

Yuki looked down only to see the boy's erection. It was interesting how the boy could be hard after crying like that, but then he told himself that Shuichi was not experienced and he did not know what to do.

"I'll take care of it."

The boy's eyes went wide in horror and he hugged his knees more forcefully. Swallowing hard, he slightly shook his head, as if he were apologizing again.

"No! Please no! I am sorry. I did not mean this to happen but what you were doing to me made me feel like this. I could not stop myself. Please no!"

Yuki had to smile to how the boy's cheek went scarlet when he said he had made him aroused, but he stopped himself. There was no use in scaring the boy more than before.

"I will not do something you do not like. I will only masturbate you to make the erection go."

Yuki doubted that Shuichi knew what the meaning of masturbation was but then he thought it was the right time to show him what it was.

"Only lie down and close your eyes. I have promised not to hurt you."

The boy hesitantly obeyed. Yuki watched as Shuichi slowly lay on the cold floor and closed his eyes. He knew he could take Shuichi right then and then but he did not. He could not. It was not because he had promised. It was only because the boy meant to him more than just a one night stand.

Looking around, he found the lube he was searching for and oiled his hands. Smiling at the boy's cuteness with his eyes closed, he softly grabbed the boy's erection. Shuichi's eyes sharply opened and he tried to pull away but Yuki stopped him.

"You will enjoy it. Just be patient."

He started to pump slowly. True, he did not get what he wanted but it did not mean he could not torture Shuichi for giving him an erection and leaving it be. It was time fore Shuichi to pay back.

He heard the doorbell rang, but ignored it.

He was still pumping slowly, too slowly for Shuichi's own good. It wasn't long before he heard Shuichi's helpless moans. He decided that he liked how helpless Shuichi looked.

The doorbell rang again.

Yuki decided that he was not going to go faster until he heard Shuichi's begs. His other hand cupped one of the balls and gently squeezed. The boy's reaction was nice; he sharply gasped and threw his head back. Some moments later when he did not feel the experienced man do anything to him, he tried to push himself up, to do anything to feel more. He heard Yuki chuckle.

"You will not get anything until you nicely and politely ask me."

It was highly embarrassing. He was sure he could not form a word. He just could not ask Doctor Yuki to touch him the way he liked, but it seemed that the man was serious when he had said he was not going to do anything else until he asked him to do so, for the slow, torturing pumping continued. It was even slower than before. Shuichi shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He could not bear it anymore. It was getting painful. It was unbelievable how desperate he was. At last when he had touched himself, he had done what he liked to do. The man's other hand was massaging his ball. He was making everything harder to handle.

Drops of cold water were falling on his face, making him want to cry in frustration and dissatisfaction. It seemed that there was no way possible.

"P…please…"

Yuki's head was near his, his breaths cold against his soft skin. His voice was flirting, teasing.

"Please what?"

Shuichi almost started to cry. He could not handle it anymore. He tried to push his hips up to feel more of Yuki's magnificent hand but Yuki's other hand was grapping his hip tightly, making it impossible to even move an inch.

"Do you want it?"

Shuichi opened his eyes. There was confusion in them. He could not understand so many words that Yuki had told him. What did he mean by 'it'?"

Yuki laughed loudly as he saw the confusion in the boy's eyes. He was beginning to like how the boy reacted to sexual situations and sexual words.

"You're more innocent than I give you credit for Shuichi!"

But he never stopped the torturous pumping and Shuichi thought that damn to hell! He was going to ask politely and nicely to give him what he needed, although he himself did not know what he needed. He moved uncomfortably and tried to think straightly, but his mind was numb, he was feeling hot and impatient.

"I think…I think I want what you said. Please…please…"

Yuki smirked. He never sped up the pace. It seemed he knew every single sensitive place about a man because he was teasing exactly the most sensitive places of Shuichi's private area. Shuichi's breaths became unsteady. He was finding it harder and harder to concentrate on anything except the fact that Doctor Yuki's hands were making him lose his mind.

"You didn't ask the way I like."

Shuichi couldn't take anymore.

The doorbell rang again.

"Please! Please! I beg you!"

Yuki smirked again but the pumping stayed as slow as before. It was getting too frustrating and Shuichi was becoming too impatient. What was Yuki up to?

"I will make you come only in one condition. You have to promise me something first."

Shuichi did not know what Yuki meant by telling him to come but he remembered he had heard it before,_ he_ had whispered it in his ear so many times and he guessed it was what he needed and God damn it, he was ready to do anything in order to get it.

"I'll do anything, anything. I promise. I promise!"

Yuki's smile was somehow evil this time. Shuichi did not like how Yuki was looking at him, but he reminded himself that he trusted Yuki. He had never hurt him before anyway. It did not matter though, because he only needed some kind of a release. Like what he had done to himself in the bathroom.

"Very good, so you will do whatever I say, right?"

"Yes, yes!"

Suddenly, Yuki took his hand away. Shuichi watched in horror as the man sat straight and smirked in very wicked way. Was he going to leave him in this state?

"What you have to do is…"

Yuki leaned in. His lips were brushing Shuichi's wet ears, making him shiver in anticipation.

"You will tell me how you feel until the end of it."

Shuichi did not know what he meant first. He stared at those golden eyes and suddenly he got it.

"No, no!"

"Yes, yes."

Shuichi blushed and closed his eyes. His lips were parted and he was panting. He couldn't stay like this forever, could he? He stubbornly told himself that it was easy.

"I'm feeling…feeling…hot."

Yuki's hands went down and grabbed the perfect erection again. This time, the pace was not as slow as before. Shuichi was actually beginning to like it.

"I'm not hearing you say anything."

Shuichi sighed frustrated. Couldn't Doctor Yuki give him just a bit pleasure without making him embarrassed? He could not form what he was feeling in words.

"I'm feeling…I don't know!"

The pace slowed down again. What a cruel man Doctor Yuki was! He did not deserve to become a doctor!

"Okay! Okay! I'm feeling…feeling…impatient."

"Really? But I'm afraid it's only the beginning."

The voice was seductive, flirting. It was making Shuichi shiver with delight. Never before, had he felt the need of something this badly. He miserably thought that if this torture continued for five more minutes, he would start to cry, but Yuki was actually making sure that Shuichi liked it. The way those cold long fingers were playing with the head of his penis, the way those drops of water were dripping on it, the way he was pumping it like he had done it many times before were enough to make him completely crazy.

"Don't stay silent Shuichi."

"I'm feeling…good."

The pumping sped up, so did Shuichi's breathing. He wasn't feeling shy anymore. All he could focus on was on Yuki's hands and his own painful erection. It slowly began; the weird feeling inside his abdomen. Little by little it increased. Although the floor was quite cold, he was totally hot. His muscles clenched as the pumping became faster and faster. He could not see Yuki's face anymore. The image was blurred.

"How are you feeling?"

The voice was barely above a whisper and Shuichi knew that Yuki already knew that it was happening, for he slowed the pace and let the boy enjoy his orgasm.

Shuichi's heart stopped and he moaned loudly when it happened. He didn't exactly know what happened. His eyes closed and suddenly the tension was gone. A sweet feeling of pleasure made all his nerves tremble after some moments, it was gone.

When he opened his eyes, he was feeling sleepy. He was already falling sleep. Yuki did not say anything. He picked the boy up bride style, closed the water and picked up a big towel. Closing the bathroom door, he covered the pink hair boy with the towel and put his down on his bed. The boy was already sleep. He did not wake him up.

The doorbell rang again.

He got rid of his wet clothes and put a towel around his waist. Sighing, he went to the door and opened it.

His golden eyes locked to the green ones.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Yuki inwardly groaned but he didn't say anything. He leaned on the wall and pushed his wet strands back. Oh Goodness, why did he have to deal with this man right now, when a 17-year-old boy was sleeping on his bed, wet and naked?

Tohma did not wait for Eiri to invite him in. He simply took off his hat and stepped inside. Taking off his expensive jacket as well, he sat on the leather sofa and looked at Eiri, smirking at Yuki's clothing or better to say lack of clothing.

"Did I interrupt something Eiri?"

Yuki closed the door. There was no point in arguing with Tohma now. Sitting next to Tohma, he put his long legs on the table, giving his brother-in-law a perfect view of his bare thighs.

"Why do you ask?"

"Judging by the towel around your waist, I am afraid I came in a bad moment."

Yuki pushed his strands back again. Leaning his head on the sofa and smirking, he said:

"It is not like that you are not enjoying it."

Tohma smirked as well. Sitting closer next to Eiri, he put a hand on the man's almost wet shoulder, enjoying the coolness of the skin on his fingertips. Yuki did not push the hand away. He was almost used to Tohmas's sudden touches. Well, only almost.

"Why are you here?"

Tohma grabbed the cold shoulder and leaned in. His head near Yuki's shoulder and his breath cold on the man's damp skin. The other hand moved to the other shoulder, also grabbing it.

"Do you know what you are doing?"

His voice was a whisper, husky and brutal, something Yuki never enjoyed hearing.

Yuki picked up his pocket of cigarette that was laid unused next to him on the sofa along with his lighter and lit up a cigarette. Inhaling deeply, he stared at the smoke which was flying through the ceiling.

"Yes Tohma. I know what I am doing perfectly well. It is you who is making me confused."

Yuki's voice was carrying something, a hint of knowing perhaps. He knew Tohma better than anybody could. Tohma and his mind was not something you could trust. He had learnt this fact along time ago, when he was in England, young and inexperienced. He was not going to make a mistake twice by trusting Tohma again.

Ten seconds later, Tohma was hovering on Eiri, his breath still cold on his face, his knee between the man's bare thighs and hands on the cold chest, enjoying the slight movement of its muscles.

Yuki kept on smoking, not even once looking at Tohma's face, never liking the knowing look in those lifeless green eyes, never liking the mischief smile on those perfect lips.

"Why don't you look into my eyes Eiri? Are you afraid to see something you do not like? Do my eyes remind you of something, your sins perhaps? Or maybe you are afraid to see something in them you might not like, something like…the truth?"

The husky voice was carrying something, a hint of past, something that was only between these two men, something that could not be shared, something that was haunting Eiri for almost four years now.

Frowning deeply, he looked at the green eyes, seeing nothing but the reflection of his own eyes in them. Yes, his own eyes was something he saw in them, his eyes that was carrying all the sins of past.

Tohma stood up, not liking the look on the younger man's face, not liking the way Yuki was acting. Yuki was changing. He was acting differently lately, strange. Yuki was lost in something, he looked confused.

Standing next to the window, he opened it and let the cold wind touch his face. Looking at the sky, he sighed and wondered what was happening to them. What had happened to them? How did they life become like this, they were all stocked in something they could not run from. They were all drowning in their unforgivable sins.

"Close the window Tohma. It is cold."

"But you always like everything cold Yuki, You like everything dead and frozen."

He heard soft footsteps on the carpet, coming closer to him. Yuki leaned on the cold wall and stared at the older man's face. His expression was emotionless, not giving any clue of what he was feeling inside.

"Send the boy away Yuki. He is a danger to both of you, Tatsuha and you."

Yuki did not say anything in return. He only lit up another cigarette and stared at the empty street below them. Everything was looking frozen all of a sudden. Every thing was looking out of place.

"What are you hiding from me Tohma? I am in no mood of playing your games."

Maybe it was time for Tohma to play Yuki's game.

"I know something you do not and…"

"And what is that?"

"Something you do not need to know."

Yuki laughed aloud, but it sounded so dry, so painful. Inhaling deeply, he stared at Tohma with a cold expression on his face. His golden eyes were iced with a mask of hidden pain, a pain that had begun years ago, a wound deep inside his chest. It never healed and the presence of Tohma was always a reminder of the pain, like pouring salt on the wound.

"Who are you trying to fool dear Tohma? I thought you knew me! Tohma, your mind is poisoned with your sickening ideas. I can not, will not trust your mind."

"The only sick man in this room is you Eiri. Why did you bring the boy here? Was he good looking enough for you to fuck him? It seems you have learnt nothing from Howard!"

Yuki grabbed the older man's shoulders painfully, pinning him to the wall. He was breathing deeply, trying to control himself. His mixed emotions were making his head spin, quilt, pain, confusion. All of them were Tohma's faults, all were his faults.

"You listen to me and you listen damn carefully! What I do is my own fucking business. You step away from me and Tatsuha or you will regret it!"

Tohma only smirked.

"Oh my God! So Mika has told you about your precious brother and what he has done. Interesting what life is doing to us. It can not get crueler than this. Now what are you going to do? Do you know what has happened to him? I am pretty sure your sister has told you how. Weren't you surprised? I mean this book looks so innocent at …"

"Get out Tohma."

Yuki's voice was low and threatening. His eyes were closed and his hands were gripping Tohma's shoulders too painfully, as if he wanted to break the bones.

"When will you learn to face your problems? Why do you always have to run from the truth?"

Yuki opened his eyes and stared at green, brutal ones. This time he saw more that just his own eyes. He saw something he was always trying to run from. He saw beyond his eyes. He saw the pain hidden inside them. He saw the pain so clearly that it almost made him sick.

"I will learn to face them when you are out of my life for good."

He let go of Tohma like he was burning his hands.

Tohma put on his coat and hat with no word. Opening the door quietly he stepped out.

"I warned you Eiri Yuki. You will be responsible for whatever that is going to happen to you, not me."

"I do not need you to protect me Tohma. I am a grown up man."

"Somehow, I doubt that."

And then he was gone, like he hadn't come here at all. For a short second, Yuki even doubted that if tohma was really here. Oh God, he was going insane! Sitting on the sofa, he looked at his hands. They were shaking with an unknown fear. He tried to take a deep breath but found it impossible. What was he afraid of? Was he afraid because he knew that Mika never lied or maybe he was afraid of his own faith? Yes, it was quite possible. He did not know what was going to happen to him, to Shuichi, to Tatsuha or to Ryuichi. It seemed that they were running on a never ending circle. Always trying to find the ending of their problems, but finding nothing expect a new problem, a new pain, always facing a new cruelty, a new evil.

Eiri sighed and lay down on the sofa. Staring at the ceiling he wondered if he had made the right choice by bringing Shuichi to his home. Why was he a danger to him and Tatsuha? Tohma was cruel, there was no doubt in that, but Yuki was also aware of the fact that Tohma loved him. What was happening to him? Was he going mad? His last thoughts were about had luscious Shuichi had looked when he had climaxed before sleep claimed him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Shuichi yawned cutely and rolled on the king sized bed. There was something nice about the bed that he was lying on. It smelled nice. It smelled of something familiar yet foreign. He did not bother to think about it for he was feeling quite comfortable and…naked?

His hand traveled down, feeling the warmness of his skin then a towel around his waist.

Eyes opening slowly, he looked around. Half expecting to see the usual white walls and smell the horrible scent of alcohol, but there was no news of those awful walls or that horrible smell.

He was met with a bit empty, but nice looking room. It was warm, something he had not felt before. Something he always expected to feel in a real family.

Sitting slowly, he looked around. The room was huge, but there weren't so many things in it, a bed, a wooden desk with its chair and a picture frame on it. He tried to remember how he had gone there, and suddenly he remembered! Of course! It was Doctor Yuki's house. He had brought him here. He had taken a shower and then…and then…his face went scarlet with embarrassment.

The door slowly opened but Shuichi did not notice. His mind was racing with pleasurable, yet quite embarrassing thoughts. He tried to cover his body with the dark blue blanket on the bed and managed to clumsily put it around himself.

Yuki was staring at Shuichi, amusement clear in his golden eyes. The picture Shuichi had made was quite nice. He was looking like a clumsy but absolutely, yes, absolutely a cute boy especially with his hair a mess and cheeks red.

"Why do you look so embarrassed?"

Shuichi looked at the door frame and saw Yuki there. His face expressionless as usual, chest naked and arms crossed, but there was something different from him, he looked more composed, more comfortable and Shuichi thought to himself that he _had_ _to_ feel comfortable. He was in his home, somewhere he belonged and he almost sighed. What it felt like to be with a real family in a real home? He did not know the answer to that question.

"I…I…well…hehe…you know…"

He did not know what to say. Yuki's eyes were burning his skin, especially his bare chest which Yuki was staring at. He smiled sheepishly and tried to cover his chest when he felt a pang of pain in his chest. At first, he tried to ignore it, but the pain did not leave. Suddenly the room was out of air for Shuichi.

His face must have revealed his pain for Yuki came to him fast. Trying to hide his concern, he sat on the bed, close to Shuichi, almost feeling the heat of his body. Funny, the boy was always warm. He was always…alive.

Shuichi felt Yuki's cold fingertips on his chest, close to his painfully beating heart. He did not say anything when he felt the man's palm covering his chest. He looked at those eyes, but he saw nothing in them. It was amusing how those eyes were opposite of each other. While Yuki's eyes never revealed any secret, Shuichi's eyes always showed how he felt. Te tell the truth, these two men were completely opposite of each other. In other words, they made each other complete.

Yuki cupped the boy's face in his hand, enjoying the cute blush on it, in fact, enjoying the innocence which was visible on the cute face. He kissed the boy slowly, liking the heat coming from the boy's body, loving the taste of those sweet lips. His hand started to play with the pink hair, taking pleasure in its softness. This time Shuichi's mouth opened a bit, letting Yuki's tongue explore it, feel it, taste and memorize it. But the actions were still timid, in a very slow motion as if Shuichi's was expecting to be punished and oh Goodness! How Yuki wanted to punish him! Punish him for making him feel like this, so deliciously confused in a sea of mixed emotions.

His nerves were tickling as he hovered over the petite boy, letting the blanket fall down and reveal a nice chest and erected nipples. Yuki almost moaned. Never before, had he felt like this. You could tell all of these kisses, these nibbles and touches were new for Shuichi, whose eyes were closed blissfully, but no, it was all new for Yuki. He never knew a simple peck on the lips could make him feel so ...excited.

Many times before, he had sex with different people and he was always rushing, rushing to feel the sweet explosion inside him, and then it was always finished, leaving him dissatisfied, disappointed of what he had done, but here, right now, on his own bed, he was feeling something new and…God, he did not know what to call the feeling.

All he could master was to moan loudly.

He started to kiss the neck and then the chest, loving the way the boy was panting beneath him, taking pleasure in seeing the boy so unsure and scared but so hungry to feel more at the same time.

Shuichi put his hands on Yuki's shoulders and gripped them tightly. He was scared. He was truly scared but then he loved the feeling that Yuki was giving him too. Therefore he did not say anything. He only closed his eyes and moaned helplessly, the pain in his heart forgotten.

Yuki could feel the boy's small hands on his shoulder and he could feel the body beneath shivering slightly. He heard the boy moan. A sweet pleasure ran down his spine.

The nameless emotion became too much to bear.

Yuki stood up. Without saying a word, he left the room, leaving Shuichi to wonder what the hell happened.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Shuichi's eyes were quite red from crying for so long. He was gripping the pillow tightly, as if expecting it to give him some comfort. After Yuki left the room wordlessly, he had come to this conclusion that Yuki had thought that he was disgusting.

More tears ran on his rosy cheeks. He held back a sniff and hugged the pillow more tightly. He heard Yuki talk to somebody to the phone and then let out a sob. Hearing Yuki's voice was making him feel more awful. It was not a new feeling for him, being left alone like he was a virus. But when Yuki left him like that…

He let out another sob.

Then he heard footsteps, coming close to his…no…Yuki's room and he hid his face in the pillow.

The door slightly opened and Yuki stepped inside, smelling a new scent in the room, scent of Shuichi which was filling the air. He went and sat on the bed. Shuichi's face was buried in the pillow and by the slight vibration of the body; he could tell that Shuichi was silently crying.

Putting his hand under the boy's chin, he left the face up and was met with puffy eyes, rosy cheeks and quivering lips, Shuichi was looking like a pink hair doll.

Silently he ran his thump over the lips, feeling the wetness of tears on it and shook his head.

"Why are you crying little monster?"

Shuichi's lips quivered once more. He gripped Yuki's arm tightly and leaned his head on his shoulder. Trying to hold back his sobs, he said.

"You hate me, don't you?"

A flicker of surprise shone in Yuki's golden eyes, but it was gone before it could be seen.

"In all of the idiots I have met, you are the most idiot one. How these absurd thought come to your mind? I guess it's because your mind is absurd it self. There is no logical reason to explain why your mind hasn't grown up yet. There's mind of an idiot-five-year-old in your head."

"Yuki!"

Another flicker of surprise in Yuki's eyes. Shuichi had never called him Yuki, always Doctor Yuki. Although he liked the way Shuichi always called his doctor, he liked it more when he called him plain Yuki. He was never going to admit it though.

He stood up and Shuichi noticed that he had dressed up. Looking a bit worried he said:

"Are you leaving me alone?"

Yuki did not answer. Leaving the room, Shuichi heard him say that there were some leftovers in the refrigerator. Thinking of food made him forget about all his problems. He did not hear the door open and close and he did not see Yuki leave for he was too eager to reach the kitchen.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

It was quite dark. The sun was hidden behind the tall mountains and the pale moon had appeared. There was no star in the pure black sky, only a complete moon was shining faintly. But Yuki hadn't still come back. Shuichi looked at the clock…

It was eleven thirty.

Shuichi shuddered and hugged his knees tightly. Although the sofa which he was sitting on was quite comfortable, he was not feeling comfortable at all. He never liked to be left alone, especially at nights. He hadn't turn on the lights, afraid of making people notice that somebody was at home.

He stared at the shadows of the big room warily, half expecting them to become monsters at any moment then shuddered again.

'Stop it Shuichi! You are scaring yourself for no good reason! What are you afraid of?'

He told himself that everything was fine and nothing was going to be wrong. Shadows could not hurt anybody. There was nobody in the big house. Everything was perfectly still and…

The curtains were moving!

As he looked with fearful eyes he told himself that there was nothing to be scared of. The window was open and the wind was making the curtains move but the curtains weren't looking friendly at all. They were moving wildly as if they were mocking Shuichi.

Standing up quickly, he closed the window and threw a glare at the now very still curtains.

Sitting on the corner of the sofa, he hugged his knees again and took a deep breath. Shadows were looking darker now. They were moving toward him, trying to…

Shuichi wildly shook his head. No, Shadows could not move. Shadows could not hurt people.

He stared at the pale moon. He never liked the moon. It looked like an enemy to him, with its colorless face and distant shape. Shuichi could almost feel the moon's cold hands touching him, making him shiver and tremble.

Shuichi's body was shining in the pale moonlight, making him look so weak, so vulnerable and helpless in the huge room. He was missing Yuki badly. Had he really left him alone?

His heart sank but then he told himself that he was wrong. Yuki was not going to abandon his home. If he did not want Shuichi, he wouldn't bring Shuichi with him or maybe he had done it out of pity? No, Yuki was not a person with a kind heart. He did not give a damn about anybody.

Then why had he given a damn about Shuichi?

Shuichi was deep in thought when he heard a small noise. Looking warily at the door, he expected it to be opened but nothing happened. Shuichi, deciding that he had heard wrong, closed his eyes and yawned.

Another small sound could be heard in the big room, like a sound of handle moving slowly but Shuichi did not hear.

The sky was looking darker and the moon paler than before…

Shuichi looked at the wooden door, not liking its shape. Everything was looking like a monster in the dark. Suddenly he saw it, the small move of the handle and almost screamed.

Hiding behind the large sofa and staring at the door with full of fear eyes he told himself that it was doctor Yuki but Suddenly the moving of handle became forceful, violent, like somebody was trying to open it with force.

Surely Doctor Yuki had his keys with him?

The handle was still moving forcefully.

Hi heart was beating unusually loudly. He could clearly feel his heart beat in his chest. His hands had started to shake.

The handle was moving violently now, it's sound echoing in the big room. Somehow the window had opened once more. Curtains were moving again. The moon was smirking evilly at Shuichi now, who was shaking madly behind the sofa. His heart was aching. He could not breathe. There was no air in the room. Everything was getting blurry, dark. The moon was looking even paler than before, almost fading from Shuichi's view.

With a final thrust, the door burst open.

Everything was looking still all of a sudden. Curtains weren't moving anymore. The only sound in the big room was the tickles of the clock.

Sound of footsteps echoed in the room, the sound mixing with the ticking of the clock getting nearer to the sofa.

The moon hid behind a black cloud, smiling evilly at the cruel destiny of a young boy. Witnessing an inevitable sin…

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Yuki sighed as he was climbing the stairs. What a night it was! First problem was a call from Mika telling Tatsuha had run away from home. He had problems keeping his face emotionless when he perfectly well knew that Tatsuha was with Ryuichi. He himself told his brother to go there but he did not want Mika to know about his plans. The second problem was avoiding Tohma which appeared to be impossible and then there was a call from hospital.

Pulling out the keys from his pocket, he suddenly noticed that the door was open. Certainly He hadn't left it open and he was almost positive that Shuichi had not gone anywhere. He did not have any place to go! A slight fear made his heart tremble.

Taking a deep breath and stepping inside quietly…

He was met with blood on the floor…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

It was almost morning. Rays of sun were slowly lightening Eiri Yuki's living room but Yuki was not sleep like he usually was at this hour of morning. He was standing next to the open window, inhaling the cold air and staring at the pink-blue clouds. The pale moon was still visible in the now light blue sky.

He did not wish to admit it, but he was horribly worried. Last night, when he had seen the blood on the floor…he shook his head. The feeling inside him was indescribable.

He smiled warily, thinking that he must have acted like an idiot last night. He had run around screaming Shuichi's name, but he had heard no answers, no scream of joy, and no hello, nothing to prove that Shuichi was there. He had stared at the dark blood. The amount was not little. In fact, it was enough to make somebody faint. Shuichi shouldn't have gone far if he had lost that amount of blood. So he had frantically run out of the building, searching for Shuichi but he was nowhere in sight…

He had come home, tired of running and worried out of his mind then he had cleaned the floor, not having the courage to look at the blood on the floor anymore and now, there was no sign to show that Shuichi had been there, like he had never been there before.

'Yes, it is better this way. I will just forget about it. Nobody knows that I have brought the idiot here and Tohma will be glad to hear that he is gone.'

But he knew that he could not. There was something wrong with that idea. Shuichi had shaken something inside him, something sensitive…something like his heart…

He was not going to lie to himself. He did not love the boy. It was really ridiculous to think that he was in love with the boy because he was not but he could not deny that he had begun to care for the boy either.

That lovely smile, those bright eyes, those small lips, that soft hair and his lovely characteristic and…

Yuki shook his head. There was a built up anticipation in him that could not be ignored. He was going crazy. Clenching his hands into fists he almost groaned.

'Do not think about the blood! Do not think about Shuichi!'

…Shuichi was panting, his face was flushed and his mouth was opened in a silent O shape. His hands were grabbing his shoulders tightly and his chest was moving…

Yuki groaned. It was like Shuichi was right beside him. A sudden need of touching the boy washed over him. Touching the damped skin, kissing the pink lips, nibbling the neck, playing with the small nipples, licking the novel and stroking the perfect arousal…

He almost screamed from frustration. Getting aroused of somebody who was not there was not something he needed in that moment.

Seeing the sight of the massive blood on the floor in front of his eyes again made him feel nauseas.

Getting up and stumbling to the bathroom, he picked up a bottle of aspirin. Taking five pills out, he ate them with no water. Groaning again he lay down on the sofa and closed his tired eyes.

'It should be enough to shut my mind for sometime.'

As he was falling sleep, he saw Shuichi's face, calling out for him and ask for help…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

It was too cold, almost unbearable and Shuichi was freezing. His bare feet could not move anymore. His fingers were frozen and his legs were numb. His tears felt cold against the skin of his face and his eyes were sour. He almost felt like crying again.

Last night's incident was still clear in his mind. He could still feel the fear inside his veins.

…The room was quiet. The clock was still ticking but there was no sound of footsteps. Shuichi was madly shivering behind the sofa. His heart was aching and the moon was still hidden behind the dark clouds…

Shuichi did not know where he was going. The ground felt cold against his bare feet. Tears ran on his cheeks again. He could not stop them anymore.

…He heard laughter, harsh and merciless and he shivered more. The voice was familiar. He knew to whom it belonged. _He_ was here…

…Then he felt two strong hands grabbing his shoulders and cruelly pick him up. He clenched his eyes shut, not having the courage to look at the face that had haunted him in his dreams for years. His heart was bursting from pain. He tried to scream but no sound came out of his mouth…

…_He _let go of him and he painfully fell on the ground, but he did not make a single noise. He did not want to make _him_ angrier than he already was…

'He's going to kill me. He is going to kill me! Yuki, Yuki where are you? I need you. Help!'

…Shuichi felt two hands on his neck. Long fingers clasped around his thin neck and they started to squeeze. He could not breathe anymore. Everywhere was dark…

Shuichi's loud sobs filled the empty street.

…He finally opened his eyes and looked at the malicious face. Those eyes were burning his soul with a burning hatred and those fingers were chocking him. He was starting to feel dizzy. Everything was spinning around him…

"You dare to run from me! I am going to kill you, you fucking piss of shit. You're going to pay! What are you doing here? Did I give you the permission to come here?"

…Shuichi could not see clearly, the pain in his chest and the lack of breath was making him blind. He heard Robert's voice again…

"Did I give you the fucking permission?"

…Shuichi shook his head. Tears ran down on his cheeks. The man let go of his neck and laughed, a merciless laugh that filled Shuichi's ears. His body became paralyzed with fear…

Shuichi sat down on the icy ground since his legs could not move anymore. Hugging his knees, he put his hands on them and started to cry again. Doctor Yuki's big white shirt and pants could not protect his body from the chilly weather. His teeth were chattering and he could not stop them. More fresh tears escaped from his lavender eyes.

"You are going to learn your lesson, you fucking moron, right here in this fucking living room. I just hope that idiot doctor come and see you now. Let him know who you really are!"

…The brutal laughter echoed in the room…

…Robert turned Shuichi around and painfully grabbed his wrists in his hand. Shuichi was almost certain that his wrists were going to break…

…He felt the other hand on his waist, trying to find the waist band of the pants in the dark…

…The moon reappeared but Shuichi could not see anything since his face was pressed to the floor. He could taste the blood in his mouth. He tried to say something, but he couldn't. Blood ran on his chin. His heart was beating fast and he could not breathe…

"Oh Yeah! We are going to have so much fun and then you will come with me, just where you belong!"

…Shuichi quit his moving. There was no point in fighting with the strong man. He had never succeeded before, then why was he trying to fight back now...

'Yuki, Yuki, help me, I need you!'

…But Yuki did not come. He let out a short scream and the man laughed. How he hated that disgusting voice. He felt like throwing up. More blood ran on his chin.

'I have to go.'

…He knew the man was grasping his wrists less painfully now and the other hand was busy trying to take the pants down all the while laughing.

"Yes you piece of shit! You should have known better than that!"

'I have to go!'

…With a loud cry he freed his hands and stood up. Pulling the pants up as fast as he could, he leaned against the wall. Panting and shaking, he watched the man come toward him. His broad frame was shining in the moonlight…

…Shuichi's heart was beating unusually loudly. He could feel the wind slapping his face. The curtains were still moving…

…The man was coming closer. Each step was like a death note to Shuichi. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Everything looked darker. Robert's eyes were shining in the dark…

"Yuki, Where are you?"

Robert laughed and shook his head as if mocking the pink hair youth. Hands clenched into fists he almost spit every word out.

"Your precious doctor will not rescue you, you rat! He'll be glad to see your dead body on his floor. I promise!"

'He's going to kill me!'

…As the man lunched to grab him, Shuichi ran away and picked up a vase. He was not thinking as he turned around and threw the vase on Robert's head with closed eyes. First he heard a loud cry and then, the sound of vase shattering on something. Opening his eyes he saw his foster father on the ground…

…covered in blood…

He could not exactly remember what he had done after that. He just knew that he had run out of the house, not bothering to wear something warm, only trying to get out of there. He could not remember for how long he had run. He just knew he had run to the point that he could not breathe anymore.

And now in the early morning, sitting on the cold ground, there was only one thought in his mind:

"I am a murderer."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

It was almost seven in the morning and the cops were secretly smiling at each other. Each of them winking and saying something in the other one's ears then laughing aloud.

The police station was never busy at this hour of morning. There was a peaceful aura there. There were so many empty cups of coffee on the desks, a sign to show that these men were up all night and indeed, their faces were truly showing how tired they were, but even their tiredness did not stop them from laughing at the pink hair boy who was sitting on the wooden bench, looking very lonely and scared.

Shuichi frowned at all of them and almost screamed the words out.

"Why don't you believe me? I have KILLED a man!"

This time, the cops did not bother to hold their laughter and laughed as loudly as they could. One of the cups fell on the ground but nobody noticed.

"All right boy, I guess it is time for you to go home. Your mom is going to be worried."

Shuichi stood up angrily. Why nobody believed him? He was not a child anymore or was he? It was what everybody thought. Nobody believed him. Nobody counted him as a human being. Who was he?

Angry tears ran on his cheeks.

"I will not leave until you hear my words out! I have killed a man last night and…and…if you don't listen…I am…I'm going to kill myself too!"

The cops quit their laughing. Not because of the lame threat of the boy but because the boy suddenly fell on the ground and clutched his shirt tightly, as if trying to rip it off. His young face had become a mask of agony. Neither of them knew what to do. After a long silent, one of the cops picked the boy up of the floor and looked at the face. A cold sheen of sweat had covered the smooth skin.

"Okay kid, let's go and see the boss. He knows what to do with you. You can tell the story to him but just don't die on me for god's sake."

Shuichi slowly nodded. Suddenly all the energy was gone from his body. He felt as if he could not move a muscle anymore and if the young cop was not holding him, he would have certainly fall down.

The young cop, known as officer Cruise, softly knocked on a wooden door and patiently waited for an answer.

"What?"

"I am sorry sir, but there's a boy here who wants to talk to you. Shall I let him in?"

There was a long pause.

"Let him in Cruise."

The cop worriedly let go of the boy who apparently was still in pain. The boy murmured a thank you and was about to open the door when Cruise grabbed his hand.

"Listen kid. Be careful when you are talking to him and be sincere. He does not like people who lie. Call him Colonel Winchester."

Shuichi slowly opened the door. He did not know what was going to happen to him. Were they going to hang him? The idea made him feel sicker than before, but then he told himself that it was his punishment, punishment for being born in this nasty world.

As Shuichi looked up, he saw a good looking man, probably thirty, sitting on a leather chair and staring back at him with those crystal blue eyes, as if trying to know the boy just with one glance.

"What's your name boy?"

As he heard the man's voice, he thought it was not a really nice idea to tell the truth. Maybe they were going to make him spend all of his life in jail. Then what was he supposed to do? But then he thought to himself that what the difference was. He had only three months to live. So living in jail for three months could not be that difficult.

But that horrible feeling inside his stomach did not leave him. It was a feeling of being a sinner. It was a feeling of being extra in this world.

His heart began to ache again, showing that it did not want to work any more. It simply wanted to stop beating, to make itself and Shuichi free. Freedom, something that it and its owner both deserved to have.

'But what about Doctor Yuki? You wanted to show him how much you loved him, right?'

But then he thought that why Should Doctor Yuki care. Shuichi was not somebody especial. He was not beautiful. He was not smart. He was not charming neither sexy. He could not even talk correctly. He was nothing but a mistake.

"Sh…Shuichi…Shindou… sir…I mean ...colonel Winchester."

Winchester eyes Shone as he heard the name Shindou and he tapped his chin with his finger. Shaking his head as if he had found something especial, he looked at the boy. Now very interested to know why the boy was here and what was he about to say.

"Well young man, what can I do for you?"

Shuichi slowly trembled. He had lost the courage to tell the truth all of the sudden. The big room looked very small and cruel now, like it was trying to eat Shuichi. He just wanted to run away. He just wanted to go into Doctor Yuki's safe embrace. He did not want to die. He did not his life. He just wanted to be happy. Was it a sin?

Now visibly shivering, he stepped back and leaned on the wall.

"Noth...nothing…Nothing sir!"

Winchester slowly stood up…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Yuki heard a knock on the door but decided to ignore it. Those five pills had made him feel numb and tired and he already knew who was behind the damn door. It could not be anyone else but Toham and he just did not want to face him now.

As he rolled on the sofa, he thought why he had taken five pills in the first place and then he suddenly remembered. Of course! Shuichi was gone!

Yes, He was suddenly gone. Just in a blink of an eye the boy had disappeared and left his blood on the floor. It was honestly not a nice way to say goodbye.

'But Yuki you must have gotten used to this kind of leaving. Everybody has left you like this. You should not have brought the boy here in the first place and now you know that the idiot deserves to die!'

But his thoughts did not make him feel any better at all. Was Shuichi all right? He did not know. He did not want to know. Suddenly his heart started to beat faster. What had happened to Shuichi? Was he...dead? Suddenly the effects of the pills were gone. The harsh reality slapped him hard, hard enough to make his body tremble with an unknown fear.

'Come back Shuichi, I need you.'

"Mister Yuki, are you home?"

But the voice did not belong to Tohma. Although the voice sounded awfully familiar, Eiri could not tell who was behind the cursed door. Standing up slowly, he stumbled to the door and opened it.

"Oh doctor Yuki, I was afraid you were not home! Glad to see you again!"

Yuki did not know what to say. He blinked slowly to make sure that he was not dreaming and Winchester was really standing in front of him, grinning and shaking his head.

He had not changed much. He was the same K when they had been in high school. He was the same boy, one of Yuki's friends in those days when he did not know what the real meaning of living in this fucking life was. Yes, the same boy who had kissed him under the street lights out of curiosity just to know what it felt like to kiss a good looking boy. No, K had not changed at all.

"What are you doing here k?"

K's grin widened and he put a hand on his old friend's shoulder. Their eyes locked. Neither of them said anything. Both of them knew each other perfectly well. There was no point in speaking. Their eyes were saying everything.

"I am here for business of course. You see, today, a boy came in my office and told me that he had committed a crime. To tell you the truth, at first I did not believe in him but some things made me take his words seriously and finally we ended up here."

Yuki's heart was beating too fast. Was Shuichi really…dead? No, God please no!

"Officer Cruise, bring the boy up!"

K's voice echoed in the room and Yuki heard footsteps. They were coming up and Yuki was losing control. He could not handle this one. Howard's death…maybe, but Shuichi's death…

"Yuki!"

Yuki could not believe it when the pink hair boy screamed his name on top of his lungs and hugged him in a bone-crashing embrace. His head was on his chest and his arms around his waist. A feeling of relief and protection washed over him and he slowly, so very slowly hugged the boy back and closed his eyes. The feeling was good…very good.

"So you do know the boy?"

Yuki sharply opened his eyes and let go of the boy. He had almost forgotten everything when he saw the boy. Clearing his throat, he forced a mile on his lips and looked at K, who was looking suspiciously at Shuichi who was clenching the fabric of Yuki's black shirt like his life was depended on it. Yuki however did not brush the boy's hands off. He somehow liked how the boy was always close to him.

"Yes I do."

"May I come in?"

Before Yuki could answer Winchester was inside. He did not waste a moment. Looking around, he searched the living room floor for spots of blood, but the floor was spotless. He looked behind the sofa, in the rooms and in the kitchen, but there was nothing suspicious there. Everywhere was clean and there was no sign to show that a dead body was there.

"So boy, you said the man was in the living room, but I don't see anybody in here. Maybe he's invisible?"

But Shuichi was not listening. He was lost in Yuki's embrace and his head was buried in the older man's chest, as if he was expecting Robert to appear from under the couch at any moment. His heart was beating fast. Yuki could feel it against his chest and Shuichi was shivering, but Yuki did not hug Shuichi back. He just stood where he was motionless and stared at K, demanding explanation.

"Do not look at me like that. Shindou says he has killed a man and I am looking for a dead body."

Yuki narrowed his eyes. A broken vase, blood on the floor and an open door, all of them were making sense now. But had Shuichi really killed a man? Then if he had, where was the dead body. Good god, it seemed that they were in a very deep shit.

Silently mentioning for Winchester to go in his bedroom, he made Shuichi let go of him and for a second he regretted it. Shuichi was crying silently. His face was wet and his lips were quivering. He did not want to admit it to himself but whenever the boy cried, he would feel funny emotions inside him.

"You stay in this room and sit on the sofa. You will not move an inch until I tell you, understand?"

Shuichi flinched at Yuki's harsh command but he obeyed immediately. He was too scared to talk.

Yuki went into the bedroom and shut the door loudly. Winchester was looking at him, waiting for him to say something but Yuki did not say anything. He just sat on his bed and stared at the wall. He did not know what to do anymore. Last night's incident was nerve-racking and he was feeling tired. So many things had happened in a short time.

"K, this boy's my patient and I have brought him here to give him some peace. You see, he's suffering from…"

Why was it so difficult to lie about Shuichi?

"He's suffering from schizophrenic and…"

Why was he feeling so emotional?

"He always picture things, murders, and suicides. I should not have left him alone last night. So…"

Was Shuichi in a real danger? Was he going to lose the energetic pink hair idiot?

"I just want to thank you for bringing him here K…"

Why was he feeling like this?

"You can not expect much from a psychopath…"

Was he falling in love…?

Winchester looked at Yuki and narrowed his eyes. There was something wrong with the way that Yuki was speaking. He was hiding something, something very important. True, he trusted Yuki. Yuki was not a person to lie about important things, unless those important things belonged to him. Maybe the pink hair boy did belong to him?After a long uncomfortable silence, Winchester nodded his head and sighed. Yuki was still looking at the wall.

"You should take care of your patients better than this doctor. He had put a police station on this morning. A schizophrenia, That's ridiculous!"

"Watch the boy closely Yuki."

'Eiri, I know thing about him that you do not. Take care of yourself.'

"You will call me if something goes wrong, right?"

Yuki did not answer.

'Yes K, I have a bad feeling that I am going to need your help soon.'

He heard Winchester and That officer's footsteps as they were leaving but he kept on staring at the wall as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. His head was spinning and he was feeling warm. A sweet feeling was moving inside his veins. Something had changed. He knew it. He could feel it. Was it inside him or was it happening outside, in this room, in this house? He did not know.

Maybe he was really falling in love and he just did not know it himself.

After getting tired of staring at the blank wall, he stood up. His body was still feeling numb and achy. It was not nice, especially since he had a head ache too. Stupid idiot! All of these were his fucking fault. If he had not accepted Tohma's request, if he had not read the boy's profile, if he hadn't like the boy's spirit and strength, if he hadn't gotten used to the boy's voice…

Well, it was too late for what ifs. Shuichi was here, in his life, in his head and in his heart. He could not change that.

Opening the door, he saw Shuichi staring at him with red eyes. His face was a mask of pain and anger and his hands were balled into fists. He was shivering. Whether it was because of pain or anger, Yuki did not know.

"I hate you!"

Yuki only raised a perfect eyebrow.

"So I am only your patient and you have brought me here to give me peace! What a fool I am! Why did I think you care?"

Fresh tears ran on Shuichi's cheeks again. He took a deep breath and put one of his hands on his chest, when his heart was hidden behind hi flesh and bones.

After a long silence, he finally whispered

"Why nobody loves me?"

'Don't cry Shuichi, I can not take it.'

"Am I that bad? Do you want me to die?"

'Whenever you cry, something changes inside me. It's so hard to see you cry.'

"Will you miss me when I die?"

'You're the most idiotic yet the sweetest boy I have ever seen.'

"Are you going to throw me out?"

Suddenly, Shuichi found himself pinned against the wall and Yuki's cold lips pressed to his. For a moment he forgot to think. He only tried to enjoy the feeling of Yuki's hands on his shoulders and his tongue in his mouth. He still could not kiss properly but as he shyly tried to touch Yuki's tongue with his, he told himself that he was going to become the world's number one kisser if it made Yuki happy.

Yuki was panting heavily as he let go of the boy's mouth. Shuichi's breaths were fast and hot against the crook of his neck and his hands were on his hip. The lavender eyes were blissfully closed and a ghost of smile was on those small lips. Yuki shuddered as he felt his pants tighten up. No, he could not do it. He could not take the boy until this warm feeling left him. This nameless emotion was making him crazy.

"Go and sleep. After you wake up, you must explain everything."

Was the nameless emotion's name…love?


	19. Chapter 19

Shadows' prince: I do not like to write notes in my stories, but I felt then need to thank all of the lovely reviewers. Please tell me your ideas. Tell me what you like or dislike in the stories. All be waiting for your comments.

2) Dear Nameless star, Please do not read the pages 7,8 and 9( Az jayyee ke Yuki va Shuichi savare mashin mishan ta jayyee ke Yuki mire khooneye Ryuichi, ok?) Please do not read.

Disclaimer: It does not belong to me.

Chapter 19

A week had passed, a week full of strange events and arguments. It seemed that Yuki and the pink hair idiot could not agree even on a single thing. From breakfast to dinner, they would argue until both of them had no energy to talk anymore, but it did not mean that Yuki did not like how his days were passing by. After a long time, he was beginning to feel alive again.

In the past five years, he had spent most of his time in hospitals, where he could only see death and pain and then he would sleep with whores, trying to find some relief in his orgasms. His life was feeling so empty that he was ready to fill it with every-night sex, and now…

And now everything had suddenly changed. After five long years, he was looking ahead of coming home. He was looking ahead of cooking dinner. Yes, he was definitely looking ahead of living again. It was the exact meaning of a fresh start.

But every night when he would wake up from the agonized screams, coming from his living room, where that lost boy was sleeping, he would tell himself that no, he did not want the boy with himself. He had enough problems already. He did not need any more problems, especially after that god damned incident.

That day when Winchester left, he could remember that he had asked Shuichi to sleep. He wanted to know every thing, but something changed his mind. That day, he was sitting on the sofa smoking and drinking a bottle of beer when he heard a muffled cry from his room. Highly curious to know what was happening in his room, he slowly opened the door.

Now that he was thinking back, he wished he hadn't opened the door at all. What he found there was quite horrifying.

Shuichi was still asleep, if you could call that sleeping. It seemed that he was having another nightmare, but this time more intense, more…real. His hands were desperately clenching to the bed sheet, his head was drawn back and blood was running from his small nose. He looked so pale that if Yuki did not hear the painful screams, he would say that Shuichi was truly dead.

He did not know what he exactly did in that moment. All he remembered was that he rushed to Shuichi's side and hugged his body close. He was not surprised to find him deadly cold.

This time, Shuichi was not talking. He was barely breathing. His lips had turned blue and his lungs were hopelessly trying to take some air in them, but it was no use. Shuichi could not breathe anymore.

Seeing Shuichi like that, under that powerful light of sun was more horrendous. Yuki tried to talk, he tried to say something, but no words came out of his mouth. His tongue was feeling heavier that usual, so he shook the boy non-too-gently and tried to wake him up, but Shuichi did not wake up. No more sound was coming from his throat.

Yuki put his hands on either side of Shuichi's head and shook it with all his might, almost breaking the neck. The sight, which he was facing, was something familiar. He was not seeing Shuichi anymore. It was Howard who was beneath him. He was the one who was dying. He was the one who…

Suddenly, lavender eyes opened.

Yuki did not move a muscle. Shuichi was wide awake and his confused eyes were locked to the golden ones.

"Yu…Yu…Yuki?"

Yuki still did not move. He couldn't. He just stared back and he was sure that if Shuichi was awake enough, he could see all the emotions there, the pain, the relief, the regret and the happiness but thankfully, Shuichi did not notice anything.

He was about to say something when Shuichi screamed all of the sudden and started to punch him on the chest. Yuki, too shocked to see the boy like that, only sat on the bed and grabbed the thin wrists of the boy in his hand.

"No, no, no! Stop it. Help me! Help me! Mommy! No, no, mommy, mommy!"

The slender body started to tremble. It became too difficult to make the boy calm. Yuki was scared if he did not stop this nightmare as soon as possible, Shuichi was going to hurt one of them, but it wasn't a nightmare, was it? Shuichi was wide awake. What did it all mean?

"It's okay Shuichi. It's just me, okay? Calm done! I'm not going to hurt you!"

Shuichi was not listening though. He was still tossing and turning and he was desperately trying to free his hands, but Yuki did not let him. Now really frustrated, he put his knees on either sides of the boy's hips and stopped him from moving and with the other one he grabbed the head, afraid that if Shuichi continued to move his head that wildly, he would throw up.

"Stop Shuichi, stop! I am here. Nobody's going to hurt you anymore!"

"Get off me! No! Just get the hell of me!"

"I SAID STOP YOU FUCKING SHIT OR ELSE I"LL KILL YOU MY SELF!"

The room went quiet.

Yuki opened his eyes and was surprised to see shining tears in those lavender eyes. Slowly, very slowly he freed those now obviously bruised wrists and head. As soon as Yuki stood up, Shuichi curled up in a ball and started to cry. It was a heart-breaking sight. Seeing Shuichi so vulnerable, curled up under the expensive sheets and crying.

"I…am…sorry…"

Shuichi finally whispered. He was not looking At Yuki's face though. He was too scared to look at those golden eyes. He was too afraid to see anger in them.

Yuki reached his hand to wipe the tears from the rosy cheek, but Shuichi only hid his head and whimpered.

"Pl…please…don't hit me!"

Yuki blinked once and let his hands fall on the bed sheets. So Shuichi was afraid of him. He had heard his scream, but Yuki could not regret what he had done. He was afraid if he hadn't screamed at Shuichi…Shuichi would…die.

"I'm not going to hit you."

Shuichi only whimpered in response and kept his head hidden between his hands. He wanted to show Doctor Yuki that he was strong, but every time he tried to do it, something would happen to show how weak he was. He did not deserve to live. It was what Robert used to tell him. He always told him that he should not have been born.

Yuki raised his hands again and this time he did wipe the cheeks with his thumb, Shuichi wasn't still looking at him though and seeing the tremor of the body, he guessed that Shuichi was really expecting him to kill him or something.

'He does not think that I am that cruel, does he?'

He turned the face around and stared at the wet eyes. He always liked the way how Shuichi's lips quivered whenever he was pouting or crying. Everything about this strange boy was down right cute. In Yuki's eyes, Shuichi was like a lost kitten.

Caressing the soft cheeks, Yuki whispered;

"I'll never hit you Shuichi."

More tears ran down and landed on the white pillow.

"Then why did you say you were going to kill me?"

Yuki leaned down. Shuichi smelled of fear and pain, but Yuki did not draw his head back. He slowly nuzzled the wet neck with his nose and smiled. He could almost feel the cute blush on the cheeks even though he could not see the boy's face.

"I only screamed to stop you."

"Stop me from what? I was only sleeping, and when I woke up you were hovering on me and were telling me that you were going to kill me!"

Shuichi began to cry again.

'Please Shuichi! Please do not cry anymore. My heart is bursting. I just can not tolerate it anymore.'

"Just don't hurt me! I'll promise to be a good boy! I'll always listen to you!"

Yuki lay down on the bed and hugged the body close. It was already warm. Shuichi always spoke of warmness, something he had missed so much. Putting the head on his chest, he only sighed. So Shuichi could not remember what he had seen, even when he was wild awake. Things were getting complicated and he did not like the way they were going.

He could sense the nervousness in Shuichi's body. It was probably because they were to close too each other. Patting the boy's head, he showed him that he was not going to do anything to the boy and then he felt the body next to him relax and soon, the boy was asleep.

But that day Yuki did not sleep, neither did he sleep peacefully in the other seven days or nights. Every night, he had to wake up and calm the screaming Shuichi down. It had become something like a habit for him, calming Shuichi, staring at the little beauty for a while and then reading a book, just trying to understand something from Shuichi's behavior but nothing made sense.

And now a week later, he was sitting on the sofa, drinking and smoking as usual and Shuichi was still asleep, but this time he was sleeping on his bed, not on the couch.

Tonight was Christmas.

Yuki only dryly laughed. A long time ago, Christmas had lost its meaning. To him, it was another night to spend alone in his cold bed, to him it was just another night to regret the past, nothing more, but this time, it was different. Shuichi had whined for almost three days, always behind the closed door of his study room, begging and crying, asking him to do something special tonight.

And God, he could not say no when the boy made those cute faces and pouted like that.

And now here he was, instead of finding a solution for Shuichi's nightmare, he was thinking about doing something special in this damned day. What could possibly be really special for that boy?

Finally, giving up thinking, he picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Shuichi woke up with the sound of loud laughter coming from the living room. Yawning loudly, he rolled on his, no, Yuki's bed and only succeeded in tumbling out of the bed. Robbing the sore spot where he had landed on, he shakily stood up. He hadn't told Doctor Yuki, but every day when he woke up, he would feel worse than yesterday. His heart was starting to feel heavy and old. He had problems breathing and most of the time, his body felt numb or tired.

He did not tell all these things because he rarely saw Yuki in his own apartment. The intelligent doctor spent most of his time in his study room or in the hospital but Shuichi did not complain at all. This way of living was ways too better than living in the dull hospital. He liked Yuki's breakfasts. He liked the way the golden hair always insisted on eating breakfast. He was a doctor after all. Although he was alone most of the time, he still liked to stay here because after all Yuki always came home at nights. Sometimes late, sometimes soon but he came home nonetheless, and Shuichi certainly liked the kisses Yuki sometimes gave him whenever he was in the mood.

But it was only kisses, sometimes some occasional strokes but nothing more. Shuichi could see in Yuki's eyes that he did not want to do more. Maybe he was scared that Shuichi was going to react in a negative way or maybe he really did not like to touch Shuichi. Whatever the reason was, Shuichi was not happy about it. He could guess that Yuki was not a kind of man to be gentle in bed, but he liked to be touched by the arrogant man. It gave him a feeling of being wanted, being loved, even if it was not true and was only an illusion in his mind.

He went to the living room, but Yuki did not notice him.

"Yes I know Angelina. You're underestimating me…yes…I do too…okay…"

Shuichi only grimaced. So that disgusting woman was making Yuki laugh! He was ready to cry. What didn't he have that that woman had? Why she could make Yuki laugh and he only made him so angry that every night Yuki threw him on the sofa and ordered him to sleep ASAP? It was not fair!

Shuichi bitterly laughed.

'Who are you kidding Shuichi? That woman has everything. You saw her! She was beautiful, charming, sexy and she certainly had a nice voice and on the other hand, you do not have anything. Why should Yuki love you?'

When he looked at Yuki again, he was staring at the white sky from the closed window. Something that could be mistaken with a small smile was on his lips and his eyes looked so peaceful.

This time, a tear escaped from his eyes. Why didn't Yuki smiled for him? Why was he so cruel and emotionless toward him? Was he that unworthy that he even did not deserve a smile? Looking at the snow on the trees he wished he was as pure and as innocent as them, but he perfectly well knew that his wishes would never come true.

"So you finally decided to wake up? That's good because I was in no mood of waking you up."

Shuichi only glared at the man. Not another argument in the morning again!

"What do you mean? I am a very light sleeper! You just have to whisper my name and I'll wake up. It's you who sleep like a bear and snore!"

"Keep telling it to yourself maybe you believe it yourself."

No, it was really another argument and Shuichi did the only thing that seemed to be useful. He changed the subject.

"I am hungry."

"Who are you kidding? You're hungry all of the time. I am really glad that you do not sleep walk in the middle of the night or else you would eat everything in the house without knowing it!"

Another argument…

"Tonight we're going to a party."

Shuichi stared at Yuki with his jaw dropped. Did he hear it right? Was he really going to be in a party? He stood where he was motionless for a second then he started to jump and scream. It was a silly sight really, Seeing Shuichi jump up and down from happiness because he was going to go to a stupid party, especially if the host was Tohma.

Suddenly, Yuki found Shuichi in his arms. The boy was giggling in such a silly way that Yuki almost felt like he was hugging a high school student. Well, Shuichi would be a high school student if he was going to school, but why he was so happy about going to a party was beyond his understanding. Everything was strange about this boy and maybe it was the reason why Yuki never grew tired of him. Shuichi was somebody especial.

"So we're really going to a party? You know…it'll be the first time that I am going to a party!"

Seeing the shocked expression in Yuki's face, Shuichi suddenly covered his mouth with his hand and shook his head. Something made him feel like that he shouldn't have said it.

Yuki only smirked.

"So, you've never been in a party?"

Shuichi slowly shook his head and looked down. He did not know the reason but he always felt so small and helpless whenever he was around Yuki. Unknown to him it was the reason why Yuki liked to spent his time with him. Yuki liked Shuichi because he never pretended to be someone else. Shuichi was just Shuichi.

"Well, there is a first time for everything."

"So we're really going?"

"Yes…we are."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Yuki looked at himself in the mirror and nodded his head in satisfaction. He always looked good in a black suit. Adjusting his tie, he called Shuichi for the second time and just like before, he heard no answer. Sighing, he went to the living room and found Shuichi sitting on the ground, trying to adjust his tie. The black suit looked slightly big to him, but they had no other choice. It was one of Tatsuha's suits. And it was the only thing that Shuichi could wear and not drown in it, but Shuichi had made the silliest sight ever. His hair was a mess. He had buttoned up his white shirt in a wrong way and the button and the zipper of his pants were still open, showing the light blue boxers he was wearing.

"What exactly are you doing, brat?"

Shuichi only gave Yuki a sheepish grin and continued on playing with the blue tie. It was not his fault that he had never worn any ties before! He was just trying to mimic Yuki's actions but unfortunately he had only ended up in making a fool out of his self.

Yuki sighed and kneeled down in front of the boy. Firstly, he stroked the boy's hair to make it look nice, and then he decided to button up the shirt. Hands worked slowly. One by one, he unbuttoned them until there was no buttons left.

When he looked at Shuichi's face, it was all crimson. He really liked that blush. He truly loved the boy's innocence. Who else could blush because their shirt was open beside Shuichi? Probably no other. It was always these actions of Shuichi that made him so aroused. This boy was the only person who could make him stay awake all night and think about his life and Shuichi certainly was the only person who could make him feel…guilty.

Long fingers stroked the exposed skin.

Shuichi drew in a sharp breath. The touch was really unexpected but nobody could ever guess Yuki's actions. Maybe it was because Yuki's face was always expressionless or maybe it was because Yuki was always cold toward people. Whatever the…

Shuichi gasped as Yuki suddenly licked his neck. The wet tongue felt cold and good on his neck and the long fingers playing on his chest made him feel even better. Soon, Shuichi was lying on the floor and Yuki was above him.

Shuichi knew that he did not have to be scared. He also knew that Yuki was not going to hurt him. If he wanted to, he could have done it in the first day, but he could not help but feel scared. He did not have good memories from men lying on him after all, but very soon, all the thoughts left his mind as Yuki began to kiss the hairless chest and his hands started to play with the pink nipples, making them stand proudly.

All Shuichi could manage was to moan helplessly.

A hand went down and since the zipper was open, stroked the penis through the blue boxers. Yuki could feel it swell and harden and he robbed harder just to hear the boy moan again.

Shuichi was enjoying the touch too much to feel embarrassed. Yuki's touch was like magic. An only stroke could make him believe that he was on clouds nine, but suddenly Yuki stopped.

Shuichi sharply opened his eyes and saw that Yuki was buttoning up his shirt. Shortly after, he zipped the pants up and then adjusted the tie. Shuichi sat and watched with wide eyes that Yuki left the room and asked Shuichi to hurry up.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Shuichi was silently watching the cars from the closed window of Yuki's black Mercedes Benz. It was still snowing. He remembered that the first day that it had begun snowing, he had begged Yuki to let him go out and play, but obviously, Yuki did not let him, saying that he did not want to drag a dead body out of the snow. He wondered if he was ever going to touch the snow again before he died but then decided that he did not want to know the answer and just groaned. Why wasn't _it_ leaving?

"Are you all right?"

Shuichi did not bother to answer for he was completely sure that his face was revealing everything and so, he hurriedly put his hands on his legs to cover _something._

Yuki raised an eyebrow and stopped the car. Shuichi was not looking at him and his face was red. It appeared that he was hiding something, but just what was he trying to hide?

"Shuichi…raise…your hands."

Shuichi's face went redder if it was possible and he slowly obeyed and immediately heard Yuki groan. He just did not have the courage to do anything for he was far too embarrassed.

"You have an erection?"

Shuichi could not answer and he heard Yuki groan again.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Shuichi slowly murmured something that Yuki barely understood, but it was enough to know that the young boy had this erection from when he had touched him. Running a hand through his hair, he sighed.

"I'm afraid I'm not able to do anything about it. Just…just don't think about it."

Shuichi's eyes went wide. He had been thinking about the same thing , but now that Yuki mentioned it himself and Shuichi heard the man's silky voice, it appeared to be impossible.

Yuki watched in horror as silent tears ran on the boy's rosy cheeks. Cursing himself for putting himself in this position, he ran a hand through the boy's pink hair and made Shuichi look at him. The look on his face was pathetic, but he could not leave Shuichi like this, now could he? But then again, he did not want to touch the boy.

He knew what had happened that night. K told him everything. He did not know who Robert was, neither did K, but he had a bad feeling that all those nightmares were related to that man, whomever he was. It was the reason why he did not want to touch him. He was afraid that the nightmares would get worse, something he did not need at all.

But now what?

"Now we have to do something about it, don't we?"

Silently, he opened the door of the car and the harsh wind slapped him on the face. Every where was white, even the sky. Walking slowly in the snow, he opened the other door and kneeled next to Shuichi. It was awfully cold, but he did not mind. As long as he was doing things for Shuichi, nothing really mattered. Taking the boy's wet face in his hands, he slightly smiled. Who would cry because of an erection beside Shuichi? Of course no other!

"Shuichi…"

Yuki's whisper was almost lost in the wind but Shuichi heard it. The voice was like a melody to his ears, this voice that always spoke of fame, independence and confident spoke about so many other things to Shuichi. To Shuichi, This voice always reminded him that there was a single person who cared enough not to let him die alone in a hospital. It reminded him that there was another person behind the cold mask, a man with a heart of gold, and it reminded him that he would do anything to show this man how much he loved him before he died.

"Do you trust me?"

Shuichi slowly nodded his head. True, he was always a bit afraid of Yuki. He did not know why the man was taking care of him. He did not know what Yuki wanted from him, but they did not mean that he did not trust Yuki. In fact, Yuki was the only person beside Hiroshi that he completely trusted.

"Very good. Now bring your legs out of the car. You're going to enjoy it, believe me."

Searching in his pockets, Yuki continued;

"But I am afraid that I have to use a condom. I do not want to go to that bastard's home with dirty clothes. I do not want to smell of sex either."

Finding a condom in his pants' pocket he unrolled it and locked his eyes to Shuichi. Shuichi was finding it harder and harder to look at the man's eyes while being _this_ _much_ embarrassed. Yuki was talking about sex and condoms like it was a kind of meal or something, but then maybe sex was like a meal to Yuki, who knew? All Shuichi knew was that if Yuki kept on staring at him like that, he would burst out crying.

But Yuki broke the gaze and looked at somewhere else, Shuichi's pants to tell you the truth and suddenly he made Shuichi lie down. Shuichi quickly closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was true that he trusted Yuki, but it didn't mean that he didn't have to be worried. What was the man going to do with him?

He felt the man's hands on his erection and shuddered. Yuki's touch was magic indeed! Shortly after, Shuichi's pants and boxers were down and he was feeling the cold wind on his erection, making him shudder more violently, but he still kept his eyes closed.

He felt something on the head of his penis and guessed that it was the condom. Although it was really uncomfortable to have something there, he did not complain. It was better than tolerating an erection.

"You might want to keep your eyes closed."

And Shuichi obeyed. He felt Yuki spread his legs and balled his hands into fists. Yuki's fingers were playing with his inner thighs and his lips were dangerously close to his erection, making him want to cry out and beg him to do something. He could feel the hot breaths on it and started to moan desperately. It was too much to take, but he still kept his eyes closed, afraid that if he disobeyed, Yuki would leave him in this way, and it certainly was not something he wanted.

He felt something wet and hot run on the length of his penis and moaned as loudly as he could. The action was repeated over and over, sending electric shocks through his body, but he still did not open his eyes. He could swear that Yuki was…licking?

His eyes were itching to be opened, to see what the source of this intense passion was, but he kept them firmly shut. He could not risk it!

Suddenly he cried out. Was he making a mistake or was Yuki really…sucking?

Finally losing his patience, he opened as his eyes and looked down and there Yuki was, between his legs like he belonged there. There was a smirk on the lips and a flicker in the eyes. Yuki shook his head as if he was scolding a child and said;

"Curiosity killed the cat, you know?"

Shuichi only nervously bit his lips and waited for Yuki to stand up and ask him to wear his pants, but it never happened, instead, Yuki said.

"You know, I think I like it better when you are looking at me doing it. Yeah, don't close your eyes anymore."

And so Shuichi watched as Yuki licked and kissed and sucked with a remarkable skill and speed and he did not last long. Maybe because it was the first time that somebody had something so heavenly good to him, or maybe it was because he actually looked at Yuki doing it. All he knew was that he liked the sweet pleasure that he had received from Yuki for two times more than anything in the world.

Finally, Yuki stood up and smoothed his expensive pants. If somebody saw him there, he would never suggest what Yuki had done only a minute ago. Shuichi sat on the chair and with rosy cheeks pulled his pants up. He was feeling really tired all of a sudden.

"Stay in the car Shuichi. Ryuichi's apartment is not so far away. There is something I need to tell him. Close the door and stay warm and while I am gone, do not misbehave."

And so he watched the man's figure get lost in the darkness and the snow.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Yuki kept on knocking, but Tatsuha wouldn't open the door. Tatsuha was indeed the most stubborn boy he had ever seen in his life, but he was pretty sure that Tatsuha perfectly well knew that they needed to talk to each other. He could not avoid every body until the end of his life.

"Don't bother Yuki. He is not going to open the door. He's been there from early morning when he got back from work. He won't tell me what's wrong."

Yuki did not look at Ryuichi. He knew the man was quite worried about his younger sibling. He also knew that Ryuichi liked Tatsuha very much; he could even say that Ryuichi was in love with his brother, but he was afraid of the relationship between them. True, Ryuichi was thirty years old, but he was still a child, a child in a man's body and he knew that it was pretty much more difficult to take care of two children at the same time. Keeping an eye on Ryuichi and Tatsuha at the same time was almost impossible.

He knew what Tatsuha's problem was. It was really hard to believe, but it still was true and he could not change it. He also knew how much Tatsuha loved Ruiychi, but he could not risk Ryuichi's life. He did not want to see Tatsuha break, but he did not want to hurt Ryuichi either. All in all, he was going crazy.

"Ryuichi, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure thing Eiri."

"My car is not so far away from here and Shuichi's in it all alone. You are invited to Mika's party too, Right? I'll drive you there. Just go and sit with Shuichi. Don't let him do anything stupid."

He did not Ryuichi's answer, but he heard the door open and close, a sign to show that Ryuichi had left, and then he sighed. What was he going to do with Tatsuha? What was going to happen to them? Why was life so cruel to them?

"Tatsuha, try to be mature only for once. I'm not going to kill you, and I am sure that you want to talk to somebody. I'm afraid if you come and ask me to listen in any other day, I won't be in the mood to listen, so you better make a choice, either you choose to tell me what's wrong with you or you find yourself suffer until the end of your life."

After an uncomfortable silence, the door slightly opened and revealed a crying Tatsuha. His face was wet and he looked to be thinner than the last time Yuki had seen him. He looked awful, almost sick. There was this sad aura around him that made Yuki almost feel that he was not looking at his own brother, but a complete stranger.

"You look nice."

Suddenly, Yuki found his brother in his arms, crying like there was no tomorrow. He did not know what to do. Tatsuha had never cried in front of him. He always was a strong boy, a boy who could handle every problem, but what he was seeing right now, was a broken boy who had lost all the good reasons to live and somehow, Yuki could not blame him. Putting an arm around the thin waste he said;

"There, there, come on! You were supposed to act mature! Now wipe your eyes and tell me everything."

And so Tatsuha obeyed. Standing straightly, he wiped his eyes and ridiculously laughed. Without saying a word he went and stood next to a big window. Opening it widely, he took a deep breath and inhaled. The sad aura was still around him.

"You'll catch a cold stupid."

A dry laugh…

"Don't worry big brother. It's the last thing on my mind."

Yuki stood next to his brother and stared at the sky. It was still snowing. The sky looked heavy, like it was tolerating something extra and Yuki sadly thought that it might be what Tatsuha was feeling. Tatsuha did not deserve it. The atmosphere was so sad that he was afraid that Tatsuha would start crying again, but he didn't. He only stared at the white-grey sky and sighed

"Then what's on your mind?"

"What are you hiding from me? You, dad, Mika and Tohma, all of you are bastards. You are still acting like I am a five-year-old child, but I am not! I have grown up! I am a man! So, stop hiding problems from me for fuck's sake! Let me learn to face my problems myself!"

'But I am afraid it is much more than you can take Tatsuha.'

"What is it? Why are you so quiet? Oh I see! The great Eiri Yuki is running out of answers, just like his fucking sister. When it comes to me, you always hide everything, just like when I was a child! But I am not a child! I am not a child! I am leaving alone, I have a job! I do not need you anymore! I'm not a child. I'm not a child anymore!"

His fists were hitting the man's chest forcefully. He was trying to get answers. He was trying to understand why every body had come to hate him so much. Why was Ryuichi so worried about him all of a sudden? What were they hiding from him? And he finally broke. After a week of tolerating, he finally broke, right in his brother's cold arms.

"I know Tatsuha, I know. You're not a child. You are a big boy. You can do anything and nobody can stop you, not even me. I'm only here to help. I'm here just to help."

"…a few, a few months ago, dad and I had a big argument. I … I left the house, searching for a job, but I couldn't find any. Nobody would give a good job to a college student! I came to Mika for the weekend and I saw Tohma with one of his friends. The man looked wealthy. One of those people who had everything he wanted. When he saw me, he asked me if I could drive."

Tatsuha took a deep breath. He knew that he was going to regret what he had said once he finished his talking, but he had to get it off his chest. The pain was eating him up.

"So I became his driver. At first everything was okay and he always paid me good, he still does, but…but…"

He clutched his brother's shirt and continued.

"But he was not a normal person. Tohma knew this too. He knew it from the beginning. When he told me that this man was one of mafia's, I just laughed, but how wrong I was! He really _was_ a mafia!"

An uncomfortable silence…

"But then I told myself that so what? What if he _is_ a mafia? You just drive him where he wants to go and he pays the money, end of story… but…but something happened…"

The only voices in the room were the whispers of the wind coming from the open window.

"A few weeks ago, I was going in his office, asking him where he wanted to go when I saw some guys all in black and then… then I saw something…a…a dead body on the floor, sucked in its blood. I wanted to run, but I knew that it was already late. They had seen me."

Sobs filled the room…

"They said I couldn't tell anybody. They made sure of it. One of the big guys…he…he…"

Sobs got louder and more painful…

"He raped me Yuki! He did it while everybody was watching and laughing and it hurt. It physically hurt, but the shame, the sound of their laughter…it was a lot worse."

Another uncomfortable silence…

"I… I tried to forget. Although it was a lot more difficult to work for that bastard after that, I did not complain, knowing that they could kill me whenever they wanted, and everything was fine until Mika showed up in the temple. She said everything she wanted to say. She said that I was dirty, that I did not deserve to live. She could not know about my job, could she?"

Only the cruel whisperes of the wind…

"But even if she knew…it was not my fault, was it?"

Tatsuha was quietly crying in his brother's arms. He didn't even notice that his brother had started caressing his ebony hair. He didn't even notice that the room had gotten uncomfortably cold and none of them noticed that it had stopped snowing.

"Be a good boy while you're home alone. Okay?"

Yuki let go of Tatsuha and turned around and Tatsuha watched as the man quietly left the now really cold apartment. A small smile appeared on his dry lips. It was only Yuki who could make people feel better without knowing it…

But Tatsuha did not see his brother's silent tears as he was driving to his sister's house…


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Shuichi watched every body that was laughing and chatting and sighed. He felt so lonely there, in Tohma's huge house. Even Yuki had left him alone. He watched the man's movements from the corner of his eyes and sighed again. As far as he could see, that woman, what was her name? Judi, or was it Julia…ah whatever…she was all over him and worst of all, it seemed that Yuki did not mind at all. There was a smile on his face that was making Shuichi's blood boil from anger.

'What did you expect stupid head? She's his girl friend. Do you understand? G-i-r-l-f-r-i-e-n-d! It means that they love each other, they care for each other and they sleep with each other! So go and back off before that woman kills you!'

Whimpering slightly, he put his head down so nobody could see the tears on his face. It was pathetic, really! He had cried for Yuki more than he had cried in all of his life, but he still did not complain. Why Shuichi loved that man so much was beyond his own understanding. All he knew was the fact that he could not think about another day without Yuki in it, and it was driving him mad, because he knew that Yuki did not love him at all.

Standing up slowly, he stood next to the window and gazed at the moon. It still looked cruel and merciless. Its paleness reminded him of how the life was leaving his body.

His heart started to beat painfully against his chest, making him want to cry, but he didn't. Putting one hand on the wall and the other on his heart, he started to breathe in and out.

'That's it Shuichi. Just try to breathe steadily. The pain is going to leave. Everything is going to be all right.'

But it wasn't all right. The room started to spin around him. The pain was so strong that he was afraid that he was going to faint at any moment. Leaning against the wall, he whimpered loudly.

"Hey cutie, are you all right?"

He felt a hand on his shoulder, but he didn't look at the person. He was feeling so nauseas that he couldn't even look around. Without knowing why, he started to cry.

"Yuki, Yuki! Come here for a second. This friend of yours seems to have a problem."

Shuichi felt two strong hands on his shoulder and then heard Yuki's voice in his ear, but he didn't understand a word. The world seemed to be a jumble o colors in front of his eyes. Suddenly he could not see any more. Every where was getting darker and darker…

And then he did not hear anything anymore…

Yuki caught Shuichi before his body hit the ground and then turned him around. His face was pale and covered with a cold sheen of sweat. His eyes were open, but it seemed that he could not see. His hands were flying in the air. They were desperately trying to grab something.

And Yuki watched in horror as drops of blood ran on the small chin from the boy's open mouth. Putting his hand on the boy's chest, he felt the heart beat. It was way too fast. Shuichi was scared.

"Angelina, call your dad. I need him."

Angelina was standing motionless, staring at the boy with wide eyes. It was a scary sight. She was afraid the boy was going to die at any moment. He was in this room and he was not in this room. His body was there, but the body looked so lifeless…like its soul had left it…

"Now Angelina…now!"

Angelina did not wait for another moment. Running out of the room with shaky legs, she tried to find her sell phone in her bag. Taking it out, She hurriedly dialed her father's number.

"Hello?"

"Dad! Come to Mr. Tohma's house as fast as you can. We need you here!"

Back in the hall room, every thing had gotten worse. Yuki did not know what to do. Last time, he screamed and Shuichi listened, but this time, nothing was working. Blood was still running on his chin and Ryuichi and he had to grab the hands and legs to stop the body from moving so widely. Shuichi's head was still moving. His teeth were chattering together and his eyes were open wide.

"Tohma, grab Shuichi's legs. I have to talk to him."

And Tohma listened to Yuki's words. Yuki kneeled next to the boy and grabbed the face in his hands. His own heart was beating so fast that his hands had started to shake. Taking a deep breath, he leaned in and brushed his lips to the boy's sweaty forehead and then the shaking stopped.

Still, Tohma and Ryuichi did not let go of the boy. They just watched with mild amusement as the simple touch of Yuki's lips made the boy stop, but nobody moved. There was still something wrong. Shuichi eyes were still unfocused, like they were seeing something that nobody could see.

The room was so quiet. Every body was listening to the boy's ragged breathing. They listened with increasing fear as Shuichi started to breathe faster and faster…

Then it began…

It was just like a movie, like Shuichi was playing a role in his sleep, but it was not a play. Shuichi was not aware of what he was doing. He started to murmur something over and over. When every body listened carefully, they heard that it was the word 'mommy' that was being repeated over and over but then it stopped.

Shuichi screamed as loudly as he could…

And then he started to shake again. He was shaking so widely that nobody could dare to touch him. Yuki made an attempt to grab Shuichi, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"No Eiri. Let me watch what he is doing."

Yuki looked up, only to see Professor Mitchell, Angelina's father next to him, standing proudly and focusing on Shuichi's movements, and so he complied. He watched with fearful eyes as the shaking stopped and Shuichi started to tremble. He could here the boy's voice, but Shuichi was not talking to any of them. He was talking to somebody, whom nobody could see.

"No daddy, no daddy. Stop it. I want my mommy. Mommy, mommy! No daddy it hurts. Ah! Please daddy!"

And Shuichi curled up into a ball in a very childish way, like he was trying to shelter himself, but then the moving began again.

"No! No! let go of my mommy! Mommy! No!..."

Suddenly Shuichi screamed and then took a deep breath. Every body watched with fear as the boy hopelessly tried to breathe. His lips turned blue and the breathing stopped…

Shuichi's hands were moving widely in the air…

Like they were trying to grab something…

Like he was falling from somewhere…

Like he was…drowning…

"Yuki…Yuki…Yuki!"

Movements grew weaker…

His body began to grow colder…

"Yuki…Yuki…Yu…ki…"

The hands began to fall…

Yuki did not know why, but he suddenly felt the _need_ to grab the hands. Running to Shuichi, he grabbed them before they hit the ground and felt them clench back forcefully. He watched with a sudden relief as Shuichi's eyes began to focus on him and with the final whisper of Yuki's name, he passed out from pain.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Shuichi felt a pang of pain in his chest, but didn't open his eyes. He knew that he was lying on something soft and everywhere was dark, but he did not know where he was.

Opening his eyes, he found himself in a strange room with a strange scent. He was not in a hospital; he was not in Yuki's room either. Then where was he? Why everything felt so…horrendous?

Panic began to rise in him, and he tried to seat, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him from moving, and he did not move. His body went numb from fear.

"Don't move just yet. Just try to sleep. It's the only thing that you need at the moment."

Although the voice sounded awfully familiar, he could not tell who was with him in the dark room. It was quite absurd, but lately, he was afraid of every male. Well, every male except doctor Yuki. He trusted his doctor with his life. So, he just tensed up and hid his head under the warm blankets, as if it could protect him from all the sins in the world.

He heard somebody chuckle next to him.

"Don't be scared pink hair boy. It's just me! And let me assure you that I am not going to do anything bad to you."

Finally Shuichi turned around and looked at the face of the speaker. At first it was really hard to see anything in the dark, but then he recognized the man's face. It could not be anybody else but doctor Ryuichi. He was the only person who had that happy aroma around him.

"Doctor Ryuichi?"

Shuichi could not clearly see, but he could feel that the man was smiling down at him, and for a split second, he forgot about the pain he was feeling.

"Yes, the one and the only. Eiri made me stay here and watch after you."

Shuichi frowned in confusion. Trying to find out why he had ended up in this strange room, he remembered nothing. He could remember that he was next to a window, and he was looking at the moon. Then he had felt a pain all over his body and then…

Nothing…

What did that mean? He hadn't fallen asleep, had he? No, it couldn't be that. So maybe he had passed out from pain. Yes, it was quite possible, because the pain was really intense, but even he had passed out from pain, what was he doing here?

"Don't look so confused Shuichi. This is Tohma's bedroom, and you are here because you scared the hell out of us, so we decided to let you rest a little."

Shuichi finally sat down on the soft bed and sighed. The room was spinning around him, but he did not say anything to Ryuichi. It seemed that he had made enough problems already. He could picture what a mess he had made and almost groaned. Fainting in a party was not his best idea of a special Christmas. He just wanted to make Yuki happy. He just wanted to see him truly smile. Why was he such a clumsy person? Could he do a single thing right?

"I made Yuki angry, didn't I?"

Ryuichi watched with mild confusion as the boy hugged his knees and started to silently cry, his small body shaking softly under the think blankets. Not knowing what else to do, he circled one of his hands around the boy's shoulders and with the other one; he patted the boy's head.

"Hey…hey…don't be like that! I'm sure Yuki didn't mind. He's a doctor you know. I think he knows what you're going through."

But Shuichi did not stop crying. The last thing he wanted to do was to make Yuki angry, but it seemed that he always succeeded to do the exact opposite of what he wanted to do. Oh, how he had made Yuki embarrassed in front of his friends and relatives! He knew why Yuki had avoided his sister's question when she had asked him who he was. He knew why Yuki left him alone and went to sit next to his girl friend. Yuki was ashamed of him and he Shuichi understood.

Shuichi understood the reason, but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt. Why couldn't Yuki love him? He didn't want a real compassionate love. He was satisfied with a simple love. Would Yuki give him that much?

"I did not mean to make him so angry and embarrassed. I swear!"

As Shuichi's sobs grew louder, Ryuichi hugged him and let the boy cry on his chest. The boy was so…innocent. It was almost incredible that somebody so innocent existed in this crazy world. He had seen so many people, men and women, but this boy was something…different.

'No wonder why Yuki likes him so much. He has every thing Yuki lacks.'

"Yuki hates me now! I didn't mean to do it! It just happened!"

"Hey…let me tell you a story."

Shuichi looked up only to see a shadow of sadness on the man's face, but it was gone before Shuichi could fully see it there. The man smiled again and sighed, as if remembering long forgotten memories.

"A long time ago, in a city called London, there was a boy, who was very intelligent and hand some. Every body envied him. He was so good that whenever he passed people, they turned around and watched him…"

Ryuichi let Shuichi lie down on the soft bed and started to caress the soft hair. The boy was already falling sleep. His lavender eyes were clouded with sleepiness.

"He wanted to become a perfect doctor, so he studied hard to become one. He was a unique person. Nobody had seen a person like him. It was his face, his intelligence, his personality and skills that drove every body crazy with admiration. Even all the professors in the university adored him…"

Shuichi contentedly sighed and slowly closed his eyes. Finally, the pain was leaving his chest. His heart had started to beat in peace.

"He became a psychologist and found a job in a very famous hospital. Every thing was going smooth, until he met a psychopath, a beautiful boy who was very very depressed. After that, every thing changed. The intelligent boy fell in love. His best friends tried to warn him. They said that it was foolish. They knew that the boy had so many problems, but the man wouldn't listen. He said the boy was innocent and lovely, but something happened…"

Ryuichi sighed…

"The boy…committed…suicide. No one found out the reason. Police said it was because of a man, named Kitazawa, but nobody knew who Kitazawa was. Only the man knew exactly what had happened and he never told any body."

Another long sigh…

"But he broke. The young patient broke the man's heart when he died…and after that he changed. He thought if he became emotionless, if he got rid of emotions, every thing would change, then he would become stronger…then he would forget about the heart break he had once inexperienced…how wrong he was…"

Shuichi had fallen asleep. There was a peaceful expression on his face that made Ryuichi sure that he was not going to have another nightmare any time soon. Kissing the boy's warm forehead, he whispered;

"But it seems that Yuki has fallen in love again. He's going to make a mistake twice…"

And he left the dark room to let the boy sleep.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ryuichi sat next to Yuki who was looking at the distance, his face a mask of worry and sadness. Acknowledging Ryuichi's presence, he put his head in his hands and groaned. The stress of Tatsuha's sickness and Shuichi's problems was finally breaking him.

"Hey Yuki, are you all right?"

"I guess I am fine."

"Where is Angelina?"

Yuki loudly groaned and shook his head, suddenly anger visible on his beautiful face. Searching in his pockets, he pulled out a pocket of cigarette. Cursing himself for forgetting to bring a lighter with him, he threw the pocket away and shrugged his shoulders. It seemed that today was not his lucky day. He never liked Christmas.

"How the hell am I supposed to know? She's a psychopath. She was asking twenty questions about who Shuichi was."

A smirk appeared on Ryuichi's face.

"And what did you answer?"

Yuki threw a glare at his friend and greeted his teeth. Ryuichi knew exactly well how to walk on his nerves. Ryuichi knew from the beginning that he did not love Angelina, but she appeared to be more appealing than the other girls who liked to hang on him all the time. She was somebody to fill Yuki's free time and he had a bad feeling that Ryuichi knew how he was feeling about Shuichi.

"You think too much Yuki."

But what did Shuichi mean to him, a simple patient, a friend or maybe a lover? Shaking his head, he looked at the ceiling and sighed. Ryuichi was right. He thought too much. Why couldn't he be like Shuichi? Why couldn't he be a care free person? Could he learn to enjoy his life?

Yes, he definitely thought too much.

"How is Shuichi?"

"Avoiding my question I see. Well, when I left him, he was sleeping peacefully. He's very cute, don't you think so?"

"Didn't he have another…nightmare?"

"Avoiding my question again? No, he didn't have any …oh…any…any whatever you call it. Say Yuki, what do you think about what you saw. What did Professor Mitchell say?"

"He said it must be something about his past, something like a bad memory. It might be happening in his dreams again. He doesn't know why he does not remember anything when he wakes up. He doesn't know why he reacts so forcefully either. Professor said he has to see him in his office later. He has suggested something, but he says that he has to make sure."

Ryuichi smirked again.

"Didn't he say why he was calling _you_ or why when you _kissed_ him, the nightmare stopped?"

Yuki threw another glare at his so called friend and did not answer. Ryuichi was reaching the limitation of his patience. Standing up straightly, he went toward Tohma's bedroom without a single word and opened the door silently, afraid to wake the sleeping beauty up, but what he saw was not something he was expecting…

The bed was empty…

"Tohma, Tohma! Come with me. Shuichi's gone!"

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Shuichi's legs were almost frozen in the mass of snow on the ground, but he did not stop moving. His legs were moving on their own. He did not know where he was going. He did not have any destination anymore. It really didn't matter. Ironic was the fact that for a month he had forgotten about all of his problems. For a sweet month, he had lived like a normal boy, and he knew the reason…

It was all because of doctor Yuki's presence in his life. Funny, his presence was enough to make Shuichi want to do the most idiotic things to make the blonde man smile. It was absurd, but he was feeling the _need_ to see the man laugh, to see him truly live his life. It was really hard to tolerate the man's cold emotions, but Shuichi knew that it was harder for Yuki to act like a cold hearted bastard while he wasn't. Shuichi wasn't stupid. He knew that Yuki was kinder than what he wanted to show him self. He knew that it was Yuki who put blankets on him in the middle of the nights. He was the one who always caressed his hair, when he thought Shuichi was sleeping and Shuichi had seen so many other small, sweet things to be sure that the man indeed cared for him…

And that was the only reason why he left Yuki…

'Yuki deserves to be happy. Yuki has to get married and have children. I can't give him what he deserves the most. I will die two months later, and he'll forget about me…'

Shuichi began to cry, his voice lost in the whispers of the wind…

'The only problem is that I don't have any place to go, and living in streets for two months doesn't look very appealing…"

His tears were shining under the pale moon light. He was looking so lonely in the big street…

'I'll just have to find a warm place. I'm used to being hungry. It's no big deal…'

But was he really alone…?

'I have Hiroshi's phone number. I'm sure he doesn't mind if I stay with him for two months…"

Or maybe somebody was following him from behind…

Suddenly Shuichi heard a voice. It was not the sound of wind. It was like hurried footsteps, trying to reach something in the heavy snow…

Trying to reach him…

Shuichi didn't dare to look back. He simply picked up the pace, but he could feel that the person behind him was moving faster too. His heart started to beat faster. The familiar pain made his body go numb and he fell down.

_He_ was getting nearer…

Standing up shakily, he started to run. The moon was still watching him, laughing at the boy's pitiful attempts of trying to run from something inevitable. Wind was blowing faster, trying to blow away the darkness that was surrendering the streets, but nothing worked. Nothing could work when the danger was right behind Shuichi. Nothing could help when the boy was standing on the edge of death.

He was running for his life. If his foster father found him, then it would be the end of his life. He had disobeyed for two times, something that Robert would never forget. He wouldn't forgive either. Robert was merciless. He could kill Shuichi whenever he wished, and no one would notice that he was dead, not even Yuki…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Do you have any idea where he might be?"

Tohma shook his head and looked at the snow on the road. Shuichi couldn't have gone so far with this heavy snow. He was sick, which meant that he couldn't walk fast. He might be somewhere near, but then danger was right beside him. Tohma had seen somebody in the street, watching Shuichi from the window of their apartment…

And he knew who the man was…

"He might be anywhere Tohma! What are we going to do?"

Tohma glanced at Yuki, the person who he loved more than anybody in this world. He knew that Yuki did not love him back, but he still loved him. He couldn't help it. It was a foolish love, but Tohma couldn't stop himself. He was selfish, but he always told himself that if he couldn't have Yuki, then nobody could have him.

'I did it once. I made Eiri crush. I can not do it again.'

Yuki was trying to control his hands from shaking, but he couldn't. His mind was filled with horrible images of Shuichi, dying somewhere and it was driving him to the edge of insanity. He was sure of only one thing, that if something happened to Shuichi, he could not forgive himself.

'It was my responsibility! I had to take care of him better. He has nobody and if…'

His cell phone rang…

Searching in his pan pocket while keeping an eye on the road, he pulled the cell phone out and answered impatiently. He didn't have the time to help somebody when he badly needed help himself.

"Hello?"

But what he heard was completely unexpected. It was Shuichi. It could not be anybody else. His voice was shaking, maybe he was crying or maybe he was scared. Yuki could not completely understand what Shuichi was saying for most of the words were incoherent. Shuichi was talking in an inarticulate sort of way, but he understood one thing for certain and it was that Shuichi needed help.

"Where are you Shuichi?"

"All right, all right! Hang on, okay? I'll be there in a minute. Just don't do anything stupid!"

Yuki did not waste another minute. He had a bad feeling that something horrible was going to happen and he had no power to stop it…

The moon was still shining in the sky, observing every movement…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Shuichi's back was pressed against the wall. He could not breathe from fear. His body was trembling violently from cold and fear, but he couldn't move. Robert was near. He could smell his scent, the familiar scent of alcohol and sin. He could hear his footsteps, they were heavy and they were speaking of anger, of unspoken immorality and he could _feel_ him for his body always trembled whenever he was near.

But he couldn't do anything, just like old times when Robert did whatever he liked to him and he could just watch…

He couldn't do anything…

The man was near…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Robert smiled wickedly as he saw the boy, curled up against the wall. Yes, this was the pay back time. How much he had missed the boy's screams, the boy cries, those crystal tears…

Oh, but it was all over. Revenge, sweet revenge was waiting for the cute boy, and he was going to make sure that the idiot had a through understanding of what 'revenge' meant. He could hear the boy's shallow breathing and his smile turned into an evil grin. Oh yes, he was going to have so much fun.

He stood in front of the boy and Shuichi looked up, the familiar panic, the panic he loved so much, shining in his full of tears eyes. Bending down, he cupped the soft cheek, loving its softness and slight tremor. His hand rose and landed hard on the cheek, marking it red.

He slowly kneeled and seeing the trail of tears on the cheeks, loudly chuckled. He was close to the thin body, so close that could feel the heat and hear the fast heart beat. So close, that could feel the tremor of the body. He could almost smell the panic.

Putting his hands on the boy's hips he whispered…

"Let's have some fun, shall we?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Yuki was running in the dark Alley. His pants were wet since he was in the snow almost to his knees, but it was the last thing on his mind. Fear was paralyzing his body. His heart was beating fast. He hurriedly looked around, trying to find a sign to show that Shuichi was there, but all he could see was snow and nothing else, but he did not stop running. He knew that something had happened. His heart was screaming at him to hurry up, to find the boy before it was too late, but he couldn't find him. God, he couldn't find him.

He could smell something familiar, something he had smelled for so long, but he couldn't put his finger on it. It was tickling his nose, mocking him and he sighed. The smell was near, so near that was making him feel dizzy…

It was the smell of blood…

Although his legs were numb, he sped up. He had bit his lips so hard that blood was running on his chin. He knew it. It had already happened. He was too late.

'I couldn't save Shuichi, like I didn't save Howard. Why do I lose the people I love so easily?'

'I don't deserve to be happy…'

He stopped running. He could not move a single muscle anymore. Suddenly, all the reasons of living left his mind. He was beginning to feel numb, and he liked it. If it meant forgetting about the pain he was feeling in his heart, he liked to feel this numb. He just wanted to wake up and see that it was just a nightmare, like Shuichi did not exist at all.

A single tear escaped from his eyes…

How long had it been since he had cried. Six years or seven years? He could not remember, but he knew that it was all Shuichi's fault. Shuichi waltzed in his life and suddenly every thing changed. Nothing made sense after that. His every day problems became nonsense. They were replaced by Shuichi's innocence, his laughter, his cries, his ever thing. Yes, that was the magic of Shuichi's presence…

But now, he was gone…

"Eiri! Watch your back!"

Before Yuki could turn around and see what Tohma was talking about, something hard landed on his head, and after that, every thing turned black.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Eiri, Eiri wake up. You are scaring me. Please wake up! Don't do this to me!"

Eiri felt something warm on his forehead, like wet lips and groaned. He wasn't feeling good. He could tell that he was lying on something cold and he was all wet, but he could not guess where he was. He could not remember a single thing.

"Your head is broken. I stopped the bleeding, but I guess we have to go to hospital. It needs sewing."

His head was broken. Oh yes, the party, Shuichi's nightmare, searching for him, that Alley, Shuichi, Shuichi!

He suddenly sat and nauseas over took him, but he did not have the time to think. He was hearing somebody moaning some where near them. It was soft and weak, but it still was there. It just could belong to one person.

"Do you hear it Tohma? Shuichi's here. We have to find him."

He did not wait for Tohma to answer. Standing up slowly, he stumbled toward the source of the voice. He could taste the blood in his mouth. He could see the blood on his white shirt, but he didn't stop moving. Shuichi, he had to see Shuichi.

And he saw him. He was there, lying on the white snow, his once full of life eyes, tightly closed. The snow beneath him wasn't white any more. It was crimson. Tatsuha's favorite suit was torn apart and Shuichi was broken.

He kneeled next to the boy, taking the small and cold hands in his. Shuichi's moans of pain were getting weaker. He was wasting away, like an angel who had come to earth, but now his mission was over and he had to go back to heaven.

"Don't leave me Shuichi. I need you."

He slowly gathered the boy in his arms, as if afraid to break something. His body was slightly shaking and he smelled of pain.

'He smells of my sins.'

Putting his head on the crook of the boy's bloody neck, he began to cry. The sounds of his sobs were strange to him, but his chest was feeling so heavy that he could not stop himself. He felt a hand on his shaking shoulder.

"Come on Eiri. Everything's going to be all right. I have to take you two to the hospital."

"Shuichi…he's...he's going to be fine, right?"

"Yes my Eiri. Oh Eiri! Do not cry!"

Tohma hugged him, making him feel warmer than before, but he did not let go of Shuichi. Shuichi was all he had now.

"He's going to be fine. I promise. Now, let's go."

And so, he let the older man lead them to the car and then to the hospital…

'The place where I first met Shuichi.'


	21. Chapter 21

_Shadows' prince: I am very, very sorry for the long delay, but I had so many problems in the three past weeks. School has started, and I am studding most of the time. My job is a little difficult, and I had a very difficult English exam that I had to pass, and on top of them all, I was highly depressed. You see, two of my best friends are studying science while I'm studying mathematics. It means that we are no longer together in the same classes and it really hurts. I'm awfully depressed. I have lost my inspiration to write and study and I feel so lost and empty. Of course I see them at breaks, but it just makes everything harder to bear. I don't know what to do. I've been so depressed and under wheatear because of this matter that I hardly ate at home. I don't want them to find out. They will become really upset, but I fee like I can' go to school anymore if they're not by my side. It was the reason why I couldn't write even a single sentence because I used to talk about my stories with them and we used to laugh like there was no problem in the world, and unfortunately, writing makes me remember them. I just miss them so much._

_Hey! Who likes Linkin Park? I want to know every thing about Chester. So if you know any ( dark!) secret about him, please tell me!_

_Thank you for your reviews. _

Chapter 21

That night, the moon was hidden behind the grey clouds.

He slowly opened his eyes, but he couldn't see anything. Every where was dark; so dark that he could almost feel its heaviness on his chest. There was something familiar about the place though. He just knew that he had been there before. He couldn't exactly tell where he was, but he could say that he didn't like it at all.

He closed his eyes as slowly as he had opened them.

The familiar scent was making him feel nauseas. He didn't know much. All he knew was the fact that he was feeling blissfully numbed. It wasn't the first time that he was feeling like this. He had felt numb like this before. When he was younger, Doctors would make him feel this way. He didn't really like it though because he couldn't focus on anything and he _knew_ that he had to focus on something because all parts of his body were screaming that something was horribly wrong. Something was pushing itself inside the numbness of his head, making him groan in frustration.

"You're finally awake."

He though he heard a sweet whisper in his head, but quickly dismissed it. Nobody was there because he could see nothing but pure darkness. Nobody existed in the darkness except for evils and the voice certainly did not belong to an evil. The voice was familiar. He had heard it before. He just couldn't remember anything.

He felt so numb.

"You really scared me. I had never felt this scared before."

The whispering continued. Shuichi could not exactly understand what the voice was saying, but he liked the way it was making him feel. Bliss was running in his veins. He wanted to stay like this forever. He didn't know the reasons why he wanted to stay liked this, but a voice inside him was telling him that if he really woke up, he wouldn't like the truth.

He did not know anything.

It took him sometime to feel a hand on his head, caressing his head. He liked the feeling. It was making him feel sleepy. His body was not listening to his brain. As much as he wanted to wake up, he couldn't. Something was pushing him back, telling him that it still wasn't the time to wake up, but he remembered the soft whispers and stubbornly told himself that he wanted to see the face before numbness completely over took him.

And so, he slowly opened his eyes again. He felt sick in his stomach, but it didn't stop him from staring at those two golden eyes. They were the only things that were shining in the darkness. He knew the eyes, but he couldn't exactly tell where he had seen them.

He just knew one thing; he trusted those eyes.

"Go to sleep."

His eyes closed against his will. He tried t open them. He tried to wake up, but the numbness was too sweet to let go, and so he let him self to be drown in it and his mind slowly shut down.

He did not forget those trusting eyes though.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When he woke up again, it wasn't dark anymore, and disappointingly enough, he could tell where he was. A wave of frustration ran down his spine. He had promised himself that he would not come back to this cursed place again.

"Cool down brother! You're going to wake him up!"

"You should have told me before! It's not a fucking game. Do you know what would happen if I really…if I really…"

"Calm down Yuki! It's not good for you to stand. Your head is broken for god's sake!"

"Shut up Mika! Do you think I care? I just fucking want to kill Tohma!"

"I could not tell you that! I had promised!"

"Oh Tohma! I'm really touched. I had completely forgotten that you cared so much about promises. How come you never cared that you had swore to protect Howard? Was it any different back then?"

"Oh see! You finally woke him up!"

Shuichi tried to focus on the faces, but he couldn't. Every thing was blurry, and he was feeling awfully sick. The loud voices stopped, and so did his head ache. He did not know why those people were screaming, but he didn't like it at all. He did not like to see people angry. It really scared him.

He felt a hand on his head, and oddly enough it felt familiar. He could not tell why though. The hand started to caress his hair, and he calmed down a bit. It seemed that those people weren't angry anymore. Listening to the silence, he suddenly became aware of the pain he was feeling. His head, back, legs and hands were aching, and his throat felt sore and dry.

All he could do was yelp from the sudden realization of pain.

It happened so suddenly that he almost couldn't believe it. It seemed that the pain had woken him up from the numbness all of a sudden, and he didn't like it at all. Awful images ran into his head.

Darkness, snow and the moon…

Pain blood and screams…

Robert, Robert and Robert…

He couldn't help it. He just suddenly started to scream. He wanted to stop, but he couldn't. His body was out of control. He wanted to stop. He wanted to breathe, but he couldn't. All he could understand was that he _had to_ scream. His body was shivering madly, making him feel more angry, more frustrated.

He felt two strong hands grabbing his wrists and it made him scream louder. His voice was becoming horse and the pain in his back was getting almost unbearable to bear. He wanted to stop what was happening to him, but he couldn't.

"I'm going to call the doctors! He's going to hurt himself!"

It took sometimes for the doctors to come in the room. The trashing had gotten worse. Shuichi's body had gone out of control. It was a hard task to inject something inside the young boy when he was moving this madly, but they finally made it, and it didn't took more than two minutes for Shuichi to feel numb again.

Shuichi heard someone asking every body to leave the room, and was blessed when he found that nobody was in the room anymore. He felt a hand on his cheek and started to panic again. He tried to scream, but his body was numb. He could not do anything.

"Don't be scared. I will not hurt you."

Surprisingly enough, all the fear left his body and he suddenly found him self staring at those beautiful eyes again. Somehow, in the middle of his fit, he had ended up on the cold floor. The cold stones were making the pain in his body much more unbearable, but he couldn't care about the pain in that moment for his mind was shutting down. The feeling was familiar. He had felt like this before. Every thing was fading away.

If there was anything left to fade…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A week had passed and Yuki had to admit that it was the worst week of his entire life. In that unfaithful night, when he saw Shuichi on the ground, bloody and beaten, he knew that Shuichi was going to change, but he never expected _this_. At first he couldn't believe it. Every time Shuichi woke up, he would start to scream hysterically and the only way to stop him from hitting himself was to give him strong drugs. It wasn't the best idea, but Shuichi had left the no other choices. Professor Mitchell believed that it had something to do with the rape, but Yuki knew better than that. There was something far more horrible hidden inside Shuichi.

Every thing was making sense now. Now he knew the reasons behind Shuichi's nightmares. Shuichi was a strong boy; Yuki had no doubt in that. The young boy had hidden all the horrors of his past perfectly well, but unfortunately, he had no control over his brain when he was asleep. That was the reason why those nightmares happened. All the horrors and pains wanted to get out somehow, but Shuichi wouldn't let them. He had buried them inside himself. Little did he know that his harsh memories of the past had found a way to reveal themselves.

'It was not the first time. It wasn't the first time that he was raped.'

Yuki was feeling sick. Never before, had he felt this guilty in his life. Shuichi had been raped several times, but Yuki had not found that out. How stupid he could be? How blind he could be?

But he knew that regretting the past could not change anything. He had a very big problem at his hands at the moment…

Shuichi…

Every body was relieved that Shuichi had not been hurt much physically, but nobody, absolutely nobody had expected _this_ to happen. Now, it was almost impossible to communicate with Shuichi. He was afraid of every thing. Professor Mitchell even believed that it was paranoia, but Yuki knew what was wrong with Shuichi. He _knew_ that it was something about Shuichi's past, but he didn't know how to find out anything. Tohma would not say anything, and all the profiles were empty, like somebody had erased everything about Shuichi Shindou on purpose.

After a week, Professor Michel thought that maybe it was a good idea to let the boy face his anger and fear and so, they didn't inject him drugs anymore, but to Yuki, it wasn't such a great idea. He could not tolerate hearing Shuichi's cries of anguish, and every time Shuichi started to scream, Yuki would end up in his room, gathering the boy's broken body in his arms and surprisingly enough, Shuichi always calmed down when he looked at his eyes.

Nobody knew what Shuichi was suffering from, but Yuki knew on thing for sure and it was that if he didn't find a solution as soon as possible, he would lose Shuichi forever.

Just when everything had started to get better in Yuki's life…

And so after two long weeks of suffering from seeing Shuichi like that, Yuki thought that maybe every one was right. Maybe he had to forget about Shuichi and go on with his life like he hadn't seen Shuichi at all.

But he knew that he couldn't. He knew that he had not the power to turn around and walk away like nothing had happened. Shuichi had changed. He had become somebody else, a fragile creature who could not protect himself from a fly anymore. He could not talk much. The only words he used very much were 'I want those trusting eyes.' But he even couldn't tell that sentence without awfully stuttering. Yuki knew he had to walk away before it was too late, but he couldn't; he couldn't when he knew that he was Shuichi's only hope. Shuichi only calmed down when he saw Yuki, and Yuki could never leave him in pain.

This incident thought him something.

He was in love.

Some of Shuichi's new behaviors were awfully strange, like yearning for physical touch from Yuki. Shuichi was as innocent as he was before, but he always touched Yuki in certain places when Yuki got close to him. One time, Yuki tried to stop him and things didn't turn out smooth. So Yuki let Shuichi touch him after that. He never let things go too far though. As much as Shuichi's innocent and curious touches turned him on, he knew that another serious make out session could make Shuichi completely lose it.

There were also other strange things. For example Shuichi could not remember any body, not Tohma, Mika, not even Ryuichi and it really worried Professor Mitchell who had started to cure Shuichi after the incident. He thought that Shuichi could not remember certain things anymore, but it was a wonder why he remembered Yuki very well.

Unfortunately, Yuki was in a very big problem because he had happened to be the only person who Shuichi trusted, and it was a huge problem because whenever Yuki was late, angry, upset or sad, it had awful effects on Shuichi.

So after two long weeks and no signs of recovery, they transformed Shuichi to a private hospital where they could find out just what had gone wrong to make Shuichi this mentally ill and it was a hell of problem for them. Shuichi screamed and cried and hit every body up to the point that they considered tying him to the bed. Apparently, Shuichi had become scared of new places. It was most likely because of that dark Alley.

But if it wasn't the first time that Shuichi was raped, then why it had effected on his so much?

It was a question that Yuki could find no answers for. He could not understand anything anymore. Shuichi was in an dreadful condition and the fact that he couldn't do anything about it was making him break too. He acted indifferent toward people. He acted like Shuichi was burden for him, like it was his _responsibility_ to take care of him, but it wasn't. God, he didn't know if he couldn't go on if Shuichi stayed like this. It was really difficult to accept that a person who was so energetic had become this fragile.

And now, after a week of staying in the new hospital with Shuichi, nothing had changed. Yuki could barely leave Shuichi's side. Shuichi did not trust anybody. He was afraid of people, nurses, doctors, darkness and drugs and it seemed that only Yuki could calm him down. He was the only person who could make him eat, sleep, listen or do whatever that was necessary. He just had to stay by Shuichi's side most of the time, even though Shuichi's behaviors made him quite angry sometimes.

He closed his eyes when he felt Shuichi's fingertips on his chest. He was sitting on the white bed and leaning on the wall, while Shuichi was on his lap, his head on his shoulder. He felt Shuichi's warm breathes on his neck and inwardly smiled. No matter what, Shuichi was always warm.

He almost groaned when he felt Shuichi's hands on the hem of his pants and almost said 'Not again!'. He didn't want this to happen. He didn't know where these actions were leading them. He was just running out of answers.

Yuki almost moaned when he felt Shuichi's wet lips on his neck. Titling his head, he embraced Shuichi tightly. He just wanted to feel him pressed to his body. Rubbing his hands up and down on Shuichi's back, he felt satisfied when he heard a small moan escaping from those small lips. He hadn't heard Shuichi's voice for tow days now.

Shuichi was rubbing himself to him, making it almost impossible to ignore him. He knew that he was getting hard, but he couldn't blame himself. For two weeks Shuichi had seduced him unknowingly, and he hadn't done anything about it. He couldn't stop himself anymore. Promising him self that he wouldn't do anything agitating, he caught Shuichi's lips with his own hungrily; the taste hadn't changed at all. His hands slipped under the white shirt and found Shuichi's nipples. They instantly hardened. He opened Shuichi's mouth with his tongue and hugged him even more tightly. Oh god, how much he had missed this taste?

Yuki wanted to do a lot more, but he stopped himself. He could not risk breaking Shuichi all over again for his own pleasure, no matter how much he enjoyed having sex.

And so let go of Shuichi and sighed. The room was quiet. He didn't want to admit it, but he really missed Shuichi's voice. Although Shuichi's voice was childish, it always made him feel happier. When he opened his eyes, he was terrified to find himself staring at now, full of tears eyes.

Shuichi slowly pulled back and his lips quivered. Silent tears ran on his now hollow cheeks and then landed on the white blanket. Yuki worriedly watched as Shuichi started to freely weep. Oh goddess! What just happened this time?

He tried to hug Shuichi, but Shuichi didn't let him and instead, hugged his knees and stared else where. Tears were still running on his cheeks.

"Hey…hey…don't be like that."

It was hard for Yuki to keep his cool while he was frustrated inside. He wasn't a patient man by nature and he needed to act patiently toward Shuichi. He got upset over absurd things. He cried for the most ridiculous things in the world. He struggled over the most stupid things in life, but Yuki knew that he had to stay calm. He had no other choice.

"Do you want something?"

Shuichi nodded his head, and Yuki was surprised when he saw Shuichi blush. What was he up to? He just hoped that Shuichi wouldn't ask for a stupid thing because he was aware of the fact that he couldn't say no to whatever Shuichi said, or else he would have a fit.

Somehow, Yuki felt that he had become a slave for Shuichi. He had no other choice but to obey.

"Okay then, since you can't tell me what you want, maybe you can show me."

And Shuichi slowly complied. He stood up and with shaking hands; he took his shirt of to reveal a hairless chest and hardened pink nipples. The pants went off next. Yuki didn't say anything. He watched with mild confusion as Shuichi stood in front of him with nothing but boxers on. Shuichi was shaking. He was scared, but still Yuki didn't say anything.

Shuichi slowly took Yuki's middle finger in his mouth and gently sucked. Yuki did not know what was happening, but he couldn't say that he wasn't enjoying Shuichi's tongue on his finger. Shortly after, Shuichi took of his last item of clothing and stood completely naked in front of Yuki. He slowly guided the wet finger down to his entrance and looked at Yuki, waiting for him to do the next move.

Yuki was speechless; he could see the fear in the lavender eyes. Hence he could even feel it, but he didn't know why Shuichi was doing this.

Slowly, very slowly he freed his hand and started to stand up. He _was_ hard as a rock, but he just couldn't fuck Shuichi when he was this vulnerable.

Shuichi began to cry again. Yuki sighed frustrated. What could he do?

"Why do you want to do this Shuichi?"

Shuichi cried for some minutes. Then he got angry. He screamed. He kicked the pillows, he punched the wall, but Yuki stayed quiet. He could not give Shuichi what he wanted and finally Shuichi gave in. He sat on the floor and hugged his knees tightly. He was back to step one, crying.

Yuki kneeled in front of him and took him in his arms. He just didn't know what to do any more. Maybe he _had to_ leave Shuichi alone for the sake of both of them. They couldn't go on like this.

'Why it had to happen?'

"Do...don't…le…leave…m…me…"

Yuki watched surprised as Shuichi tried to talk. He hugged him close and planted small kisses on his cheeks. Shuichi had read his mind.

"I'm not going to leave you."

"to…tou…touch…me."

Yuki looked down and slightly smirked when he saw Shuichi's erection. His kisses got wet and Shuichi lightly moaned. How much had he missed this sound?

"I'm not going to have sex with you Shuichi."

Seeing the fresh tears Yuki hurriedly continued:

"But there are always other ways to make an erection go."

And so, ten minutes later, they found themselves on the bed naked and hot. Yuki's hands were all over Shuichi. He loved to see the blessed expression on the boyish face, knowing it was him who was giving him this pleasure. Ending a passionate kiss, Yuki suddenly grunted his hips to Shuichi, making both of the moan as their erections rubbed together.

Yuki started to move his hips faster. It was along time since he had done this. When he was younger, he used to do this a lot. It wasn't a real sex, but it always made him satisfied, and it seemed that Shuichi was enjoying this too.

Shuichi suddenly cried as his orgasm hit him hard. Yuki was pretty sure that nurses had heard him outside but he couldn't care when his own orgasm was so near, and finally with a low grown, he came.

When he looked at Shuichi, he was already asleep. After three long weeks, a small smile was on his lips. Yuki felt like smiling too. Maybe there was hope left for them. He put a blanket on both of them and soon, he was asleep like a baby.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Yuki, Yuki please wake up!"

Yuki slowly opened his eyes and was met with the concerned face of Ryuichi. He looked around and suddenly remembered. Oh yes, he had fallen asleep next to Shuichi after a nice climax. Looking down, he saw Shuichi sleeping peacefully. Something wet landed on his cheek and when he looked up, he saw Ryuichi crying.

"What…what's wrong?"

"Tatasuha! Tatsuha needs your help!"

What had faith planned for them this time?


	22. Chapter 22

Shadows' prince" Hey guys! I'm so very sorry for this long delay, but you must understand that I'm under heavy pressure. I barely have the time to sleep, let alone write!

This was my forth attempt to write chapter 22, and finally I found it good enough to post.

I'm awfully sorry for making you wait this long (is anybody still reading this story?). I have a request. Please review and tell me what you want to happen in the end of the story. I have forgotten most of the parts of story in my head, and I could use some ides, you know.

Thanks for your lovely reviews. I truly appreciate them. You're the only reason why I'm still writing this shit called Gravity of innocence.

Chapter 22

_"No! Don't come near! I said don't move! I'll jump! I swear if you move, I'll jump!"_

_Tatsuha was breathing hard. Although the weather was freezing cold, he was feeling hot; so hot that he could not breathe. His mind was numb with painful thoughts, and he couldn't take it anymore. He had to let go._

_Grasping the wet, metal rails more tightly than before, he threw an angered and painful glance at those two men who were no more than one meter away from him. God, how much he hated them at the moment! How much he hated the panicked expression one Ryuichi's face and the angered one on Yuki! He hated every body. He hated everything. If they wanted to stay there while he was releasing himself from all the pain, let it be. He couldn't care any more._

_Much to his dismay, Yuki moved closer. His face was as emotionless as always; No trance of fear or rejection on his face, except the golden eyes that were shinning from an unknown emotion; anger maybe._

_'God damn him to hell! I should be angry at him; not him at me!'_

_He felt like crying. He felt like weeping until he couldn't weep anymore, but he didn't. He had always been strong. He wanted to die strong even if killing himself was proving that he was the weakest person in the world._

_He felt dirty, so dirty that he wanted to throw up. He wanted to do something to feel clean again, to feel innocent again, but he couldn't. He could almost feel the virus inside of him; moving and destroying everything along with his heart inside. He had no other choice. He had to let go._

_Silent tears ran on his cheek when Yuki stepped closer. The closer he came, the closer he made him kill himself sooner. The cold ground beneath them was waiting; Waiting for Tatsuha to jump; to end it all, but he couldn't do it yet. He wanted to see the sky one last time. He wanted to feel the breeze and hear the silence one more time before he died. He would do all of those things if those damned men weren't there._

_"You're pathetic."_

_His brother's voice seemed so distant. Words didn't mean anything to him anymore. He had heard so many awful words from his parents' mouths in the past days that he had almost grown used to it. They were blaming him for something he hadn't done; not that it was something new. He was always the only one to blame._

_'I didn't ask for any of this. I don't want to feel this much pain. They don't understand now. They may never understand, but for me, there's no other choice left. I don't want to suffer. I don't want to live when I know that I will die soon in the end.'_

_"I didn't ask to be raped."_

_His voice was shaky from all the emotions he was feeling inside; rejection, confusion, sorrow, dirtiness and emptiness. Somehow, he could deal with all of those emotions, but something he could not deal with was the pain that was eating him from inside. He had felt physical pain before, but this pain was different._

_The pain of not having any hope to live was too much to bear._

_"You're so pathetic."_

_A loud sob escaped from his throat. He tried to stop himself, but soon he started to cry. Hot tears ran on cold cheeks, making him feel even worse than before._

_'Stop crying you spoiled child. You should at last die like a strong man!'_

_But he just cried harder._

_It had stopped snowing. Everything looked white and shinny under the faint moonlight. It was a beautiful night; full of silence. The only sound in the air was the faint blow of the wind which was nuzzling his cold cheeks, making them dry._

_He watched his brother moving closer, and threw him a dirty glance; letting him know that he was not joking about killing himself. He had killed himself two days ago if Ryuichi hadn't showed up. He couldn't do it back then, because he did not want to hurt Ryuichi, but after two days of tolerating, he thought to himself that damn it to hell, he could not take it anymore. Ryuichi would eventually accept it. It wasn't like Ryuichi loved him anyway. _

_He loved Ryuichi though._

_Too bad his love wasn't strong enough to make him tolerate all this pain. Ten minutes ago, when he had decided to jump from Ryuichi's balcony, he had com to this terms that although he was going to be hurt, he would tolerate it. He was a man with a beautiful face and lots of money. Everybody would be glad to have Tatsuha out of their way._

_Well, the wish of all those beautiful women who fancied Ryuichi was coming true._

_"There are many people who have HIV, and they are still living. This is no good excuse for suicide."_

_Tatsuha chocked back his sob and clenched his eyes shut. So his brother knew the truth. That was nothing new. The almighty professor Yuki always knew everything, but somehow, it was agonizing to hear the truth from another person. It was like his inside was exposed to the world; like every body knew how filthy he was._

_"Tatsuha please don't do it! There are drugs that make you live as long as you wish for. You have HIV, so what? You are not the only person who is suffering from this. Please don't do this. Don't do this to me…"_

_Ryuichi's voice was broken. Tatsuha could feel his presence next to him, but he just couldn't turn around and look at the angelic face of his love. It was not fair to Ryuichi, and Tatsuha knew it. It was not fair because he always used to tell Ryuichi how much he loved him; how much he worshipped him; how he wanted to live the rest of his life time with his and now he was leaving him like he didn't matter at all._

_'I love him too much. That's why I'm leaving him. If I stay, both of us will suffer.'_

_"I…I…have to…"_

_There was nothing but silent for a moment. Tatsuha watched from the corner of his eyes to see what was happening. Nobody was moving and for a split second, he felt worried. He didn't like this silence at all. He could almost feel that something bad was about to happen._

_"You have to, huh?"_

_He didn't dare to turn around for he was too afraid to look at Ryuichi's face. He didn't want Ryuichi's disappointed face to be the last thing he was going to see in this shit called life. He wanted to keep his good memories, and this moment didn't count as one._

_Nothing could prepare him for what Ryuichi did._

_He watched with full of horror eyes as Ryuichi stood next to him and loosely clutched the rails. He was wearing nothing else on his white shirt. His pale skin was shinning beneath the moonlight, and he was looking more beautiful than ever. There was no expression on his face though. His eyes were glued to the ground underneath them, like he was deciding how to jump._

_'He's kidding, right?'_

_"Wh...What…are…you doing!?"_

_"If you have to, then so do I."_

_Tatsuha wanted to scream out of frustration. This was not happening. This was NOT happening! He couldn't do it. He couldn't kill himself when he knew Ryuichi was going to jump down right after him. He couldn't kill Ryuichi. He just couldn't!_

_"Back away Ryuichi. You can't do it!"_

_But Ryuichi wasn't listening at all. He looked like a stubborn child who had made up his mind about something, and Tatsuha didn't like it at all. It was like he was falling apart in two pieces, one part wanting to jump down, the other one not wanting to make Ryuichi do something stupid. Ryuichi had proven to be stupid several times and Tatsuha could not risk anything._

_He could not decide what to choose._

_"Please Ryuichi! You have to let me do it. You don't understand!"_

_It was pathetic that he was crying just to let the man he loved let him kill himself. It was even more pathetic that he had to ask for permission to kill himself. Yes, his life was always like that. He had never had control over his life. It was only fair that he didn't have control over his death either._

_Loud sobs escaped from him. He felt like jumping right there and then, but he knew he couldn't. He just couldn't, or could he?_

_Closing his eyes slowly, he whispered:_

_"I'm sorry Ryuichi."_

_Before he could jump, he felt a cold hand on his shoulder. Opening his eyes, he stared as his brother stood next to him, ready to jump as well. Now this was getting really funny. If he hadn't been so distressed, he would have laughed at the silly situation. Were these two adults high or something?_

_"A few years ago, Howard did what you did. He blamed himself for something he hadn't done, and when I found him, he was dead, drown in his red blood. I don't have to go through this anymore. I don't have to watch another innocent boy kill himself because this world is brutal. I'm going to do something I never had the courage to do. I just hope Shuichi forgive you for making me leave him when he needs me the most."_

_Tatsuha could feel all the sadness in his brother's voice, and all of a sudden, he lost the courage. Yes, his life had become a living hell. Yes, he had HIV. Yes, he had been raped. Yes, he was stuck in Mafia and yes, he was ignored by his family, but he couldn't let others suffer too. Could he kill Ryuichi, Yuki and then probably Shuichi as well?_

_'I have to stay strong.' _

_As he collapsed on the cold floor, he curled up and freely wept; not caring who was hearing and not daring to open his eyes. He was feeling ashamed all of a sudden. Through tears, he wondered if he was going to be able to look at Ryuichi anymore and then decided that no, he couldn't. How much pain was he going to cause him? He didn't want to know._

_He felt two strong hands pick him up and started to cry harder. Ryuichi hugged him close and let him cry as much as he wanted. Yes, he knew. It was not easy to live when somebody knew that what was waiting for him in the end; a painful death, but he could not let Tatsuha die. Maybe he was too arrogant, but he was not going to let Tatsuha die when he had just found his soul mate._

_"Shhh…shh baby. I'm here. Everything is alright. You're okay."_

_Tatsuha hugged Ryuichi tighter, as if he could make everything disappear, even the damned virus that was developing inside of him. Ryuichi was cozy and warm. It seemed that he was the only warmness left for him._

_"Hey…hey…come on baby…it's alright. Don't worry your pretty head about it."_

_"I'm sorry…"_

_"Come on baby…stop crying. Ryuichi's here."_

_He opened his eyes slowly. Yuki wasn't there anymore. He had to smile even if he was crying. His brother loved him even if he couldn't show it the right way. It was enough to keep a little flicker of light alive in his heart. He was going to stay strong for Ryuichi and Yuki._

_"Feeling better?"_

_Tatsuha nodded his head and more tears ran on his cheeks. He felt like apologizing for million times. What was he about to do? But the more important question was that if he made the right decision or not._

_"I'm here baby…I'm never gonna leave you. I'll stay with you forever."_

_Tatsuha didn't believe Ryuichi, but he wished it was true._

_And he slowly drowned in the darkness._

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Yes, his unsuccessful attempt of suicide happened not more than two hours ago, and as Tatsuha thought about it while he was staring at the white ceiling of Ryuichi's bedroom, he told himself that he really was pathetic. He had actually failed to kill himself. Life couldn't get any worse, could it?

He heard noises from outside the room and shifted in the big bed uncomfortably. Ryuichi had not spoken a word to him, and it just made him feel guiltier than before.

'It's not like that Ryuichi loves me. He wouldn't kill himself. He just didn't want me to die and have a new burden on his shoulders that's all.'

He wasn't feeling so good. All he knew was that he had passed out in the balcony and when he woke up, he was lying on Ryuichi's warm bed.

The bedroom door slowly and quietly opened and Ryuichi slowly stepped inside. As he looked at the young boy, lying on his bed, he told himself that he looked so vulnerable under the faint light that was coming from the window. He didn't want to admit it, but he believed that maybe he really _was_ in love.

'What's going to happen to us in the end?'

Ryuichi knew the truth when Tatsuha stepped inside his house. Yuki had told him everything. He could have stopped himself. He shouldn't have fallen in love when he knew all this, but then again they always said that love was blind.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he stared at Tatsuha's face. He was looking at the moon in the black sky. Ryuichi never liked winter. It was always wet and boring, but with Tatsuha, everything looked lovely; everything looked nice, and he wasn't going to lose it all for one stupid virus. He was a fighter. He tolerated his mother's death, his drunken father, his poor life and became what he always wished to become. He became famous. He became wealthy, and now, nothing could make him throw away the love of his life, not even HIV.

He ran a hand through Tatsuha's soft hair and sighed contented. Nothing mattered when he knew that Tatsuha was with him. When he was with Tatsuha, he could face everything, even death.

Grabbing the young boy's chin, he forced him to look at his eyes. Tatsuha looked so hurt and rejected; nothing out of ordinary. Ryuichi told himself that he would feel the same if he was sick, but he was not going to let Tatsuha stay like that forever. They were going to become a happy couple. He was going to make sure of that.

Lying down next to Tatsuha, he pressed his body close to Tatsuha and quietly moaned. It felt good. It felt too good. Inching his face closer, he bit his lip and touched Tatsuha's bare shoulder. Even the soft skin felt good under his finger tips. Looking at Tatsuha's surprised eyes, he smirked.

"What? You should know better than any body else that when I see a beautiful boy, I become horny. Blame yourself for that."

Not waiting for any answer, he started to kiss Tatsuha's neck, taking pleasure in its especial taste. Now lying completely on Tatsuha, he ran his hand up and down on Tatsuha's arms, making them warmer than before.

"What…what…are you doing?"

Ryuichi heard the panicked voice of the boy underneath him, but decided to ignore it and instead, started to kiss the delicate jaw, noticing that it was shaking slightly.

"Don't be afraid baby. I won't bite…hard."

He covered Tatsuha's face with wet kisses and moved his hand freely on the boy's bare chest, he thanked

God that he had took his shirt off before or else, he would be in trouble now.

"You can't do this. It's…it's…dangerous."

Tatsuha's voice was shaking when he said those words. Somehow, he still couldn't believe that he was sick. He had a virus inside of his that could kill, and Ryuichi was kissing him like that!

"You don't tell me what to do young man! I know what's right and what's not."

Ryuichi warned as he suddenly captured the soft lips with his. Tatsuha's lips were quivering out of fear, but Ryuichi did not care. Tatsuha was going to get used to this sooner or later. He just did not care about anything when Tatsuha was underneath him.

"Don't do it please!"

Tatsuha begged breathlessly as Ryuichi finally let go of his lips and started to kiss his chest. It was like Ryuichi was angry and was taking revenge by making him feel this scared. Maybe Ryuichi was giving him a taste of his own medicine.

"Don't punish me like this please."

Tears ran down on his cheeks and he hurriedly closed his eyes. He didn't want to cry anymore. He felt a warm hand on his cheek and opened his eyes only to find Ryuichi staring back at him. Something was shining in his eyes; something that looked like pain.

"Don't cry Tatsuha. You know that I'll never punish you for something you haven't done."

He slowly wiped the tears aways with his thumb.

"I just love you. Is that a crime?"

"How can you love me?"

"I don't know Tatsuha. I really don't know. I don't care anyway. I love you and I'm going to enjoy being with you and enjoy kissing you…"

He started to kiss the neck again; this time slower but harder, wanting Tatsuha know that he was not going to finish any time soon.

"Sucking your neck…"

He started to do so; taking pride in knowing that he was making Tatsuha shiver in pleasure against his wish.

"Licking these beautiful pink nipples..."

This time Tatsuh moaned, unable to hide his pleasure any more. It was wrong. It was dangerous. It even was a sin, but the more Ryuichi did, the more he wanted. When that man …raped him, it was something quite different. There was nothing but pain when he did it, but now that Ryuichi was licking him like this, unknown emotions were waking inside of him and he was becoming painfully hard.

"Stroking this nice erection of yours…"

He almost cried when he felt Ryuichi's warm hand on his boxers, stroking him slowly, but skillfully. It was something completely new. Sure, he had masturbated himself before, but he had never done anything with anybody else, and feeling another hand rather than his own on his erection was enough to send him over the edge.

Tatsuha saw the look on Tatsuha's face and evilly smirked. Yes of course, Tatsuha was inexperienced in all of this, which was going to make him give in sooner than any body else, not that Ryuichi minded. He loved Tatsuha for who he was, for his personality, not for sex. He just wished Tatsuha believed this though. If he wanted a sex toy, he wouldn't choose an eighteen-year-old boy, would he?

"You know Tatsuha, I was thinking that you just can't go without punishment when you have scared the hell out of me like this."

His hand started to stroke harder. Tatsuha's boxers were completely wet now, making him feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Ryuichi seemed to like it though. His strokes were hard but slow; making sure that Tatsuha was taking pleasure in it in a very painful way.

Tatsuha felt Ryuichi's other hand on the hem of his boxer and took a deep breathe. He knew that he was being stupid, but Ryuichi was going to see the most private part of his body and the idea was making him blush profusely. He just shut his eyes, unable to think straightly anymore. He couldn't define what was right and what was wrong when Ryuichi was giving him pleasure like that. He had never been this hard before. He had climaxed while thinking about Ryuichi in his small bedroom, but he had never believed that one day, Ryuichi's hand would replace his own and give him this intense pleasure. It was almost too good to be true.

"You like that baby?"

Soon, the boxers were gone and Tatsuha was gasping from the feel of cold air on his erection. It had become too sensitive. He didn't need to look down to see that it was swollen, begging for more pleasure, begging for a release.

"You're too quiet love. I want to hear you moan my name."

The stroking became slower. It was worse than any kind of torture, and as Tatsuha clenched the bed sheets, he told himself that he couldn't take it anymore. Unconsciously, he tried to touch himself only to feel a hand grip his wrist. Opening his lustful eyes, he stared at Ryuichi as he smirked.

"We play it my way."

Tatsuha let out a loud moan. Being unable to stay still, he thrust in Ryuichi's hand, wanting to feel as much pleasure as he could get, and heard Ryuichi chuckle.

"You're learning quickly."

"Pl...Please!"

Ryuichi chuckled again. Loving the fact that Tatsuha was under his merci. It felt good. It felt good to know that Tatsuha did not have the courage to kill himself, and instead he was here, beneath him; begging for pleasure.

"Oh, but you were a bad boy Tatsuha. Bad boys must be punished."

Tatsuha clenched the bed sheets tighter than before, holding to the least bit of sanity that was left for him. The slow torturing strokes were getting impossible to bear. He was ready to scream. His body had started to shake madly. He almost started to cry. He was going insane.

"I…I'll be good. I promise. I promise!"

"You have broken your promises before. I don't trust you."

"Ryuichi, Ryuichi please!"

Ryuichi didn't do anything though. He just kept giving Tatsuha the same slow strokes, even slower than before, and looked at Tatsuha's face. Swear running on his forehead and his eyes shinning with lust, he looked like the most beautiful angel in the world.

"Promise me…"

He ran his other hand on the boy's chest, feeling the fast heart beat under his fingertips and leaned down to kiss his novel.

"Promise me that you're never going to give up."

Tatsuha tried to thrust only to be held back by Ryuichi's hand on his abdomen. Tears of frustration ran on his cheeks and he moaned loudly, unable to say a word.

"Promise me or it's going to continue until tomorrow."

"I promise. I promise. Please…please…"

The next few minutes were like a miracle to him. Before he knew he was climaxing hard on his own stomach and his body was shaking with the intense pleasure. Feeling sleepy all of a sudden, he closed his eyes and felt a hand circle around his waist.

"I love you baby."

Ryuichi's words meant so much more to him than before now.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………


	23. Chapter 23

**(Just a song about me and my other self)**

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts  
And the pain attached to them  
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening  
Its like nothing I can do will distract me when  
I think of how I shot myself in the back again  
'Cause from the infinite words I could say / I  
Put all the pain you gave to me on display / But didn't  
Realize / Instead of setting it free / I  
Took what I hated and made it a part of me  
(It never goes away)

Hearing your name / The memories come back again  
I remember when it started happening  
I'd see you in every thought I had and then  
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them.

And I knew as they escaped away I was  
Committing myself to them / And every day I  
Regret saying those things / 'Cause now I see / That I  
Took what I hated and made it a part of me.  
(It never goes away)

And now  
You've become a part of me  
You'll always be right here  
You've become a part of me  
You'll always be my fear  
I can't separate myself from what I've done  
I've given up a part of me  
I've let myself become you

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming / confusing  
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
Controlling / I can't seem  
To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure

Gimme my space back / You gotta just go  
Everything comes down to memories of you  
I've kept it in but now I'm letting you know   
I've let you go

GET AWAY FROM ME

"Lyrics are from Linkin Park)

_**Chapter 23**_

The office was silent as usual. It was early in the morning, but since the grey clouds had covered the sky, it felt like night. The atmosphere was awfully sad; like something was missing. The wind was slapping the windows; wanting to break them and come inside, and in that moment, Yuki wished that the wind could really come inside. He was more than willing to let the wind wash away everything; everything that reminded him of Shuichi, his life and himself; because lately, he couldn't make any connections between them without realizing that maybe, just maybe he had fallen in love again, and it was not what he needed.

'Especially when I know that he's going to barely live for two weeks or so.'

He tried to feel indifferent toward it, but he couldn't. Every time he remembered Shuichi, he remembered that night. Then he remembered the fact that he loved him, and he remembered that Shuichi was going to die and all of these thought were enough to make him scream from all the pain inside.

'When was the last time I saw him?'

Three day ago. Yes. It was three days ago when he had decided to take Shuichi home with him. He knew that it wasn't a good idea. He knew that Shuichi's mind wasn't stable. He knew that anything could happen. Shuichi hadn't gone crazy. No, he knew what was wrong with him. It was about taking everything from the inside and revealing it to the world. He had hid his pain and now it was showing itself without Shuichi knowing it.

Just like the nightmares.

And that was the reason why he had called Hiro in this absolutely bad day. He didn't know much about the boy in front of him except that he was Shuichi's friend in the hospital; nothing more. What surprised him was the fact that K asked him to talk to Hiro, and he had a bad feeling that K knew things about Shuichi, but wasn't willing to say anything.

'The bastard always hides things from me.'

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Hiro moving uncomfortably on the leather chair, and he couldn't blame him. He knew that his office had a very saddening atmosphere, but he liked it this way. He liked his office to be dark. He wanted everything in his life to be dark. This way, nobody could hurt him. He had learned this lesson when he was far too young.

"You wanted to talk to me sir?"

Yuki leaned on the chair and studied Hiro. He was like those kind of people who were ready to die for loyalty and as Yuki inwardly smiled, he told himself that it was exactly what he needed; somebody who was ready to do anything for Shuichi.

"You are Shuichi's friend."

It was not a question. Yuki never asked questions. It was just a warning for Hiroshi to know how Serious Yuki was. No one could stare in the golden eyes and tell a lie. Maybe it was because the man had a cold aroma around him, or maybe because he was a cold hearted bastard, whatever the reason was, Hiroshi was finding himself less and less fond of this man. He didn't want to talk about Shuichi. He couldn't…

It could cause him his death…

"You want me to talk about Shuichi, right?"

Yuki did not answer. He only stared at the boy's eyes. Like he was trying to read him mind, and for a split second, Hiroshi felt like that this man could. He just wanted to stand up and run away, far away from this hospital and anything that reminded him of Shuichi, because Hiro was feeling like the guilt inside his heart was swallowing him whole.

Leaning on the desk, he closed his eyes. Maybe just maybe, he was going to do the right thing.

"If I tell you about Shuichi, will you promise to keep it as a secret between us?"

Yuki sighed and looked away. A part of him wanted to say no; because he knew that if he said yes, then he had to take the responsibility of helping Shuichi, and he wasn't sure about what he could do in two weeks. He wasn't even sure for how much longer Shuichi was going to live. If Shuichi was mentally all right, maybe he could make him agree with the operation, but now…

The other part badly wanted to say yes. It wanted to do anything to make the last days of the boy's life. He didn't know the reason though.

No, he knew the reason. He just didn't want to admit it to himself.

'Ok. Maybe I like Shuichi a little.'

Looking back at the boy's eyes, he was met with two oceans of guilt and regret. A bad feeling started to grow in the pit of his stomach. What was he supposed to do? Why Shuichi always made him so confused?

"Please doctor Yuki. There are things that I need to tell you. I can tell you why Shuichi has those…nightmares."

The nightmares?

Suddenly remembering that Hiro didn't know anything about the incident, Yuki narrowed his eyes. It was slowly getting interesting.

"What can you tell me?"

Biting his lip, Hiroshi stared at the white floor and closed his eyes. He didn't know how to say it. He didn't know where to begin. So many things were kept as secret in him, and he didn't how to start. He knew one thing though. He was done with running. He was done with lying and he was done with letting _them_ hurting Shuichi. It had to end one way or another. Why couldn't he start it now?

"I know Shuichi since I was seven."

Seeing the confused expression on Yuki's face he hurriedly continued.

"We didn't tell this to hospital because we were…scared. You do not know what it feels like to live in _that_ house. There are many things that you should know, but let me first start about the nightmares.

"What about the nightmares?"

"You know…it's real."

"Real?"

"Yeah, it…it happened when he was six years old."

"Tell me more about it."

"Well…"

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_They threw him away, letting him fall on the dirty ground._

_He watched with fearful eyes as they put her mother, cuffed her hands and closed the doors. He could hear her mother screaming 'don't hurt my Shuichi!' but he couldn't understand why she was so worried about him when she was the one who was in the danger._

_The big men were maliciously laughing when they pushed the car to the black lake. Laughing more as the woman started to scream and begged to free her._

_"Good bye bitch."_

_"This is what happens when you mess with us."_

_"I'm going to enjoy raping your cute child."_

_Shuichi screamed and screamed. The water was cold, so cold that it was almost frozen. In the frozen night, under the pale light of the moon, the water was shining along with Shuichi's small ears. He was still screaming, but he knew that his small voice couldn't reach his mother. Water had covered his body to his chest, but he couldn't go any farther. He didn't know how to swim._

_His mother…_

_The car was going inside the lake. The water was swallowing it fast. He could see his mother inside it. Her hands cuffed and the doors closed. There was no way out. He could see the water inside the car. He could see that his mother was suffocating, but he couldn't do anything but to watch…_

_His body had almost gone cold from the cold when the black car and his mother disappeared under the water._

_And he couldn't take it any more. He went farther and water covered his head, but he didn't sto. His mom was there. He had to save her. Dad was going to hit him more if she wasn't there any more. He wasn't going her nigh time storied. He had to save her!_

_Needing to breathe, he opened his mouth and it became full of cold water. He tried to breathe more, and instead swallowed more water. Panicking, he tried to get out, but he was deep inside. He cried, but no voice came out. Going deeper and deeper inside, he shook his legs and hands madly, only succeeding to go deeper inside the cold water._

_Hi body was going numb, when he felt two hands circling his waist and pushing him up. Reaching the surface he took a deep breath and his lungs started to burn. It was so painful that he started to cry. He didn't know when Hiro put him on the ground._

_He just curled up and cried. What was he going to do without his mommy around? He hated daddy's wife. She was so cruel. She once had tried to smother him. He really didn't like her, and he certainly didn't like here brother, Robert. He always said dirty words, and he always looked at him in a strange way. _

_Feeling somebody picking him up, he opened his eyes. Seeing that it was Uncle Robert He tried to wiggle himself free. But he didn't let him._

_"Come on baby. You are going to get a cold if you don't change your clothes."_

_He watched Hiro looking at him with full of pain and fear eyes, but he didn't answer. There was nothing left to say._

_When Uncle Robert put him down, he was in Uncle's room. He never liked it there. It was so dark, big and scary. It was cold too, and he always felt like monsters were hiding in the shadows. Shivering as the older man, undressed him, he tried not to look at the man's eyes, fearful that he was going to see the fear in them._

_He was even more scared when the man started to kiss him all over his body. What did it all mean? He couldn't understand why Uncle asked him to stroke his private part, but he obeyed, afraid that he would hit him if he disobeyed._

_When the man, put a finger inside of him, he screamed and felt a hard slap on his cheek._

_"Be quiet you ungrateful bastard! I was going to make it less painful for you, but if you don't want it, it's fine with me!"_

_And with a harsh movement, he spread the six-year-old boy's legs apart…_

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Ten years later…_

_"Hiroshi, Hiro! Wake up man! I'm bored!"_

_Hiro cracked an eye open lazily and was met with something pink. Rubbing his eyes, and looking more closely, he figured that it was Shuichi. Blinking, he looked again. It was really Shuichi, but how could he? _

_He tried to make his brain work in that ungodly hour of the night, but it seemed to be a more difficult task than what he had predicted. Looking around, he made sure that he was in his own room and then looked at Shuichi again. No, Shuichi was really here._

_"Why are you acting like a moron? I couldn't sleep, so I decided to pay you a visit."_

_Hiro was suddenly very awake; all of the sleepiness gone from his body and mind. Fisting his hands, he glared at Shuichi and hissed:_

_"Have you gone nuts? Do you know what happens if your dad finds you here?"_

_Shuichi didn't listen though. He was happy looking at the pages of the rock magazine; looking at the vocalists like they were some sort of gods, and Hiro didn't miss the light in those lavender eyes; those eyes which were always full of pain and fear whenever that bastard Robert was around._

_"Do you think I can become a rock star?"_

_"Not if somebody find you here."_

_Shuichi only rolled his eyes and threw the magazine away, where it hit the wall and silently fell down on the piles of dirty clothes._

_"I just didn't want to stay in my room, okay?"_

_Shuichi's voice was only above a whisper and Hiro knew the reason. The bastard was back. Hiro never liked him. In fact, he hated him. He hated the fact that the man claimed that he loved Shuichi but always hit him and shouted at him. He hated the fact that he always caused Shuichi pain. Shuichi didn't deserve that. He was too innocent for that._

_Shuichi seeing the anger in his best friend's face, whispered:_

_"He doesn't do anything to me Hiroshi."_

_Hiro almost wanted to cry in that moment. Hoe naïve a person could be? Couldn't Shuichi see? Couldn't he see what Robert had done to him? Couldn't he see that he was different from the others? Couldn't he see the nightmares, the pain and the loneliness? It was almost like Shuichi was living in his own head, not letting anybody enter his world where he was this famous Rock star who had everything he wanted. Shuichi did not care much about things around him, but when it came to his world, he was always defensive, and Hiroshi was really running out of ideas how to help him._

_"We have to run away."_

_Hiro only sighed and lay on his small bed. It was not the first time Shuichi had said this sentence. They had discussed this before. They had even once tried it. Things didn't work out too well for them. He could still remember how angry Shuichi's father had become._

_He almost killed Shuichi._

_It was about their safety after all. Nobody could get out of the mansion without permission, or else they were signing their death notes._

_"Yes we should. I can't stand that bastard hurting you anymore."_

_"He doesn't do anything."_

_"He doesn't do anything my ass! Although your room is far away from me, I can hear you screaming when he…he…does it!"_

_They fell into an uncomfortable silence. Both of them knew what Robert did to Shuichi, but none of them wanted to admit it. None of them wanted to believe it. Saying it aloud was like waking up from a nightmare, and they just wanted to believe that it was a nightmare not their real life._

_They wanted a world with no pain, no Mafia and no Robert._

_Could their wish come true?_

_Hiroshi clenched his teeth. Shuichi was dying inside and he couldn't let this happen. The pink hair boy was born to be free. He was born to be happy, and as he looked at the innocent lavender eyes, he told himself that he was ready to go through hell to make him happy._

_"We'll run away Shuichi. We'll get out of this hell hole tomorrow."_

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Hiroshi tried to move, but he couldn't. The pain in his leg was too much. He was pretty sure that it was broken. He tried to look up, but his neck was aching. He was feeling numb, but he could hear screams…Shuichi's screams. Oh god! What were they doing to him? It was his fault, all his fault._

_"So you wanted to run away, huh?"_

_hiroshi listened carefully, waiting for a man, a car, something to pass by and notice them in the banned street, but he could only hear Shuichi's screams, and Robert's screams. He could hear laughter too. He knew who they were. They were people who worked for Shindou. Hiro knew why they were there. They were going to rip Shuichi apart._

_They had risked their safety…_

_And it meant their death…_

_After some painful minutes, Shuichi's screams turned to soft begs and suddenly the street went quiet, too quiet._

_"Let's go. They're going to die until tomorrow. Let's just leave them be."_

_He heard footsteps, then the sound of a car going far away from them and everything turned quiet again. He couldn't look up to see Shuichi, but he didn't need to._

_He knew what they had done._

_They had killed him…_

_If not physically, then mentally._

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The office went silent again, but this it was more painful more than uncomfortable. Hiro could not speak any more for he was afraid his voice was going to crack, and Yuki couldn't peak because he didn't know what to say. He didn't what to think either. It was like somebody had injected something to him, and he was feeling painfully numb.

He told himself that it was not something new. He was a psychologist. He had met these kind of children before, but when it came to Shuichi, it was totally different and he knew it, because, well because…

Because he liked Shuichi a little.

"Can…I…I…go?"

Yuki found him self nodding numbly, and watched as Hiro left the office, but he didn't miss the silent tears on the young boy's face. It was like a tragedy. It was like a circle that started with pain and ended with pain, and for the first time in his life, he found him self unable to solve the problem.

The office door opened, and he saw his secretary at the door, looking nervously at him. He could only imagine how he looked, but he couldn't give a damn about it at the moment. Hiroshi's voice was still lingering in his ears and he was pretty sure that he was going to remember the words until the last day of his life.

"Sir, your fiancée is on the phone. She wants to speak to you."

'Who's my fiancée?''

There was only one thing in his mind now, Shuichi, Shuichi and Shuichi. He just didn't know what to do. It was a dangerous feeling inside of him. He felt like doing something, but he didn't know what to do. It was eating him up, and felt like screaming.

'I have to do something, or else I'll go crazy.'

"Call Professor Mitchell. Tell him I need to see him."

"Sir, your fiancée…"

"Do it, NOW!"

The door slammed shut, and the secretary was gone, and Yuki found himself saying:

"So is my sanity."

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

It was late at night when Yuki stepped inside his apartment. Every where was quiet and the lights were off, but he knew that Shuichi was still awake; he could feel his presence in the dark living room, sitting innocently on the couch, and he felt a little excited because he was going to see Shuichi after three days, and he couldn't help but feel happy. His home was feeling like a real home after these long years. Finally somebody was there to stay up and wait for him in the middle of the night, and although he was never going to admit it, he really enjoyed it.

"I'm home brat."

The lights went on and revealed Shuichi on the couch, sitting there with an innocent, yet distance look on his face.

"He...he…hey!"

It was nice to see that Shuichi was trying to speak. Yuki knew that it was hard for Shuichi, especially because he was a very talkative boy. At first in the hospital, Shuichi wanted to talk about everything, but then he couldn't and he always got frustrated and after some times, he gave up trying. Now that Yuki had brought him back home, everything was changing for better.

'If I only make agree to do the operation…"

Looking at Shuichi, he could tell that Shuichi was in his own little world in his head, where there was no pain and suffering and it wasn't good. He had to make Shuichi stick to the truth. He had to make him see the world around him or else he was never going to get any better. It was easier said than done though.

Taking off his jacket and hanging it on the wall, he loosened up his tie and sat next to Shuichi. His body was aching and he was more than happy when he felt Shuichi's hands on his shoulders, massaging the gently. It felt good. It felt too good.

Opening his eyes, he stared t the boy's eyes and almost sighed. The gravity inside them was almost too much to bear.

'His gravity of innocence is going to be the end of me.'

He knew that what Shuichi was waiting for, but he highly doubted it was what he wanted. He was only asking Yuki to do it because it was what he had learned when he was a child. He thought with physical contact, he could make people he loved stated with him. He had learnt it from that bastard called Robert and Yuki was more than willing to show him that he was wrong.

'Just wait until you get better; wait until I get the revenge from Robert, then we'll do it and we'll make it especial for both of us.'

He just shook his head to show Shuichi he wasn't going to do anything and instead, let him cuddle with him on the large couch, and both of them felt satisfied with that. Soon both of them fell into a dreamless asleep.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

When Yuki woke up, it was still dark. He stretched, and pain shot through his body; So much for sleeping on the couch. He tried to pull Shuichi closer to himself but, instead of Shuichi his hand met the air.

Alarmed, he opened his eyes to see that Shuichi was not next to him. Suddenly, he was fully awake.

"Shuichi?"

He heard no response. The kind of panic that he had grow so used to lately, began to rise inside of him, and he found himself running in the house, searching for Shuichi every where possible, and with a head full of stress and heart full of panic, he realized that…

Shuichi was gone.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Okay guys, here was the new chapter. I know that it really sucked and I sincerely apologize. I've been dealing with…things lately (you can judge from the song above) and it's really hard to concentrate on things when there's a battle going on inside your head. I promise to write a better chapter next time.

Please, please review and tell me if it was good, bad, horrible, awful or down right a piece of shit. I need to know. It is very important for me. I don't have much energy to write. Your reviews are what make me keep going. I need your help…

Faithfully yours,

S.P


	24. Chapter 24

Do you have another voice inside your head? Have you ever been lost in something unknown? You don't know what it is. You don't know from where it has come from, but you love it so much that you suddenly find yourself attached to it. It'll become a part of you. It'll become inseparable and starts to eat you from inside; turn your inside into a hollow hole. You suddenly lose control. Everything gets out of hand. Then it is not you, who is feeling, who is seeing, who is hearing, and who is living.

You suddenly understand that you are in a prison. Then you try to get out. You try to get your self free, but it's so difficult. How can you fight against something that is a part of you? Should you lose yourself in the process? Should you cut yourself to see the blood, to feel that maybe you're still living? You wake up in the morning and tell your self that today you're going to end it all, it's either you living alone, you living alone in this body, or neither of you have the right to live, but then you feel it, _it_ taking over your body, making your nerves tickle, your blood boils. The unbelievably powerful feeling of surrendering yourself, to becoming _it_ again takes you ever. And once again you see that you're not yourself anymore. 

Then the guilt takes over, you feel guilty, useless and powerless because once again, you have lost, just like the other days in the past couple of years. It's when you want to hurt yourself so badly that you become numb. You turn the music on. The lyrics burn inside your soul, but there's no tear left to shed, and the lyrics burn your soul from inside and turns it into soft ashes: _I've become so numb I can't feel you there_/ _become so numb so much more aware/_ _I'm becoming this all I want to do is be more like **me** and be less like **you**._

Sometimes you feel like killing yourself, but then you dryly laugh and shake your head; because there's no use in killing yourself when you're already dead. Have you ever felt that you have died from inside…I have…

S.P 

**Chapter 24**

Shuichi curled up and hugged his knees as he leaned on the dirty wall. He didn't know where he was. All he could see was pure darkness. There was no windows, no lights to show where he was. He didn't even know if it was morning or night. He couldn't understand anything.

He did not know how he got there. He could barely remember Robert coming to Yuki's home, and then every thing was blank. He knew that now he was at Robert's mercy though, and it was scaring him to death. Remembering all those awful memories of his past was enough to make him want to die right then and there.

Worst of all was the fact that Hiroshi wasn't there to comfort him. He was all alone in this. Suddenly the pain in his heart was too much to bear. He could feel it beating heavily in his chest, making it almost impossible to breathe, but ironically enough, he wasn't sad that he was going to die. He was glad to die if it meant that he was going to get rid of Robert and his father. He couldn't stand to be in pain any longer.

He didn't want to be here and he knew the reason. Before running away, he thought that living was like this. He thought all mothers were like his step mother. He thought all fathers were like his father. He thought that living was always harsh. He always thought there was no love, but after he ran away…

He remembered Nurse O'Hara and the way she treated him like he was her own son. He remembered Doctor Butler, and the way he always watched his back. He remembered doctor Ryuichi when he told him Yuki's life story and he remembered…

Yuki…

His heart clenched painfully as he remembered his blonde doctor. All the memories of the past two months rushed back in his head. These two months thought him so many things. For two months, just for two months, he lived as a normal, happy boy. He remembered the first time Yuki injected him and remembered how much it hurt. He remembered the way Yuki had challenged him. He remembered the time when Yuki told him that he was having dirty thoughts. He remembered Yuki's home, the incident in the bathroom, the time when he was aroused in the car, the days in the mental hospital, where Yuki looked after him with a special care.

He remembered Yuki's eyes, Yuki's hair, his voice, his way of walking, his way of speaking, his arrogance, his shouts, his anger and his smile. He even remembered the way he always called him brat and all these thought became too much to bear.

"Yuki."

Whimpering his name softly, the hot tears ran on his rosy cheeks. His heart was aching more painfully now, and he knew the reason. His heart missed Yuki, and this time, no pain killer except Yuki could make the pain go away.

He knew that he was going to die sooner or later, and it made him delighted to know that he did not regret the choice he had made on the bench in that day in autumn. No he did not regret any seconds he had spend with Yuki. Yuki gave him a taste of heaven and he knew that now he couldn't get happy with any thing less.

As the door harshly opened, he whimpered and hid his head between his knees. As the ruthless footsteps got near, he took a deep breath and thought:

'Are these minutes the last minutes of my life?'

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Yuki paced back and forth in Winchester's office and tried to recall something, anything to give K a clue of where Shuichi could be, but it seemed that his mind couldn't work properly. The worry had numbed his system and he couldn't get Shuichi's image off his head. Whenever he disappeared, something bad happened, and he wasn't sure if he could handle another one any time soon.

He watched with impatience as K looked at the old newspapers and tried to find something. He didn't know how newspapers could help in finding Shuichi, but unfortunately, he trusted K.

Every single noise, from the whisper of the wind to the singing of the birds was making him mad, and finally losing his control; he slammed his fists on the wooden desk and screamed.

"What are you waiting for Winchester?"

K didn't look up from the newspaper. It seemed like that something had caught his attention.

"I'm waiting for Tatsuha to come here."

"Tatsuha?"

"Yes Tatsuha."

Yuki blinked and just stared in Winchester liked he had grown two heads. Either he or K had lost their mind. He could swear that his day couldn't get any worse.

"What does Tatsuha have to do with this?"

K sighed and took of his glasses. He knew that he had to eventually tell every thing to Yuki, but he didn't want it happen so soon. He didn't want to be the one to cause his friend more pain. He knew Yuki better than any body. He was his best friend when they were young. He knew the real Yuki; the person who was compassionate about every thing. The person who always secretly looked for love but never found it; because everyone thought he was perfect.

And look in whom he found his lost love.

"If you sit down, I'll explain every thing."

Yuki sat down and sighed. He felt like time was Shuichi were slipping away from him like sand, and he could do nothing to stop it. Life always made him lose the people he loved like it was something inevitable; like he wasn't mean to be loved. He should have never let his guards down when he had met Shuichi.

It was all because of the gravity of innocence.

Before K could start, the door opened and revealed Tatsuha who happened to look like he was in a good mood. With a loud 'good morning', he stretched his arms and sat next to his older brother.

Yuki looked at his brother from the corner of his eyes, and it didn't took more than several seconds for him to understand that all this happiness Tatsuha was showing was a fake mask. He could almost feel the pain his younger brother was feeling inside, and started to feel even worse. When did his life become so fucked up?

"Okay K, I'm quite busy. Shoot whatever you want to say."

It didn't feel alright. The way Tatsuha was acting, the way he was speaking, they all looked hollow and empty. They all looked like insincere acts and Yuki didn't like it. The memory of Tatsuha, attempting suicide was still fresh in his mind, and no matter how much he told himself that he didn't care about his brother, he knew that he was only fooling himself.

"Tell us about your job."

As soon as the words left Winchester's mouth, Tatsuha paled. No damn it! He wanted to forget his job. He wanted to forget everything that incident. He wanted to forget his past, and what K requested wasn't good.

"Why?"

K didn't say anything. He didn't know how to start. They were all trapped in an endless hole, and he didn't know how to get out. It was just like an unsolvable riddle. The more he tried to solve it, the more twisted it became. It was getting out of his control.

"The person you were working for…is Shuichi's father."

Tatsuha frowned in confusion. How was that piece of news going to help him when he didn't know who Shuichi was, but when he looked at Yuki's face, he knew that something was awfully wrong. His face was covered with a mask of pain and shock. Who was Shuichi? Now he was curious.

"Who's Shuichi?"

K slowly stood up and stood next to the window. The room was silent for a few minutes. None of them knew what to say. Their heads were full of unanswered questions, and the questions were eating thme alive. Neither of them knew what was happening, but they were all sure of something; they did not have time.

Finally k turned around and looked at the brothers. His decision was made.

"Let me start from the beginning."

He sat on his leather chair and frowned, trying to remember the details. It was not going to be easy. He knew that all the things he was going to say were secrets, but he knew that it didn't matter any more: because he could feel that the end was near.

"Police never liked Shindous. They were too rich for their own good. They were these kinds of people, who never showed up any where, yet everybody knew them. Nobody knew much about them. Nobody knew what the man's job was, but people always said that he was rich, very rich.

We wanted to go to their mansion. We wanted to figure out what was happening there, but we had no excuse; Nothing to prove that they were doing any kind of crimes. So we just had to wait for them to make wrong move, and luckily, they did."

K searched the old newspapers and finally showed them some pictures. They weren't what Yuki and Tatsuha expected to see. There was a black car next to a lake, a woman's body lying on a strange angle on the grass. Her hands cuffed, her face beaten. It was not a nice picture to look at.

Yuki didn't need to think much to find out that it was about what Hiro had told him. His voice almost cracked.

"It's Shuichi's mother."

"Yes. It almost happened eleven years ago, and it was the beginning of our problems. After long searches we found out that she was Shindou's wife. What we could not understand was what she was murdered so brutally. After some time, we found another body, a man's body…"

K showed them another picture.

"As you can see, he was murdered too. He looked too young. First we thought that it must have been about a love affair or something, but we were young. Shuichi's mom wanted to run. She had used this man's help. What we couldn't understand was why she wanted to run away…It was because of his son.

After that they made bold moves. Finding out that Mafia was killing people under our nose is not a pleasant feeling. They killed brutally. They killed anybody who was a danger to them."

He showed them some more pictures. He showed them the new. All of them murders, all the people nameless, all of the signs gone.

"We _knew_ they did it, but we could do nothing but just watch. They had powerful people in government. They still do, and we still can't do anything. But it was time to get professional. I was the person who was curios about their works, I was making troubles for them, and they thought me a good lesson."

K heavily sighed.

"They killed… my wife and… my child. It was enough for me to know that they were pretty serious about what they were doing, and it always killed me; because I knew what they were doing but I couldn't do anything. God knows how many of my friends were killed during these ten years. They are silent, but they do what they want to do.

So, we decided not to make them angry. We couldn't arrest them, so there was no point in making others die because of our risks. We could only stay back and keep a close watch.

It was getting quiet. All these things were getting forgotten, until something happened. Something quite surprising; His son with his friend ran away…

Shindou knew he had made a big mistake. He had sent his men to kill the boys, but they had surprised, and now we had a card in our hands. Now, it was our time to move, and their time to sit back and watch. We kept a close watch on the boy. I made Tohma hide the boy from them, and he did a good job…

What we didn't know was that they had found out…

I wasn't very surprised when I found out that they had…raped Tatsuha. They wanted to show us they knew what Tohma was doing. I told him to tell you to stay away from Shuichi, but apparently, my dear Yuki, you did not listen. You never do.

Anyway…I was highly surprised when I saw the boy in my office. He was so…fragile. I knew how he was feeling. I knew how much he had suffered, and it pained me, but I couldn't hide my happiness when he told me that he had hit Robert, his uncle _and_ one of their strongest members in the head.

I knew that Shuichi was Robert's toy, and I knew that he was going to make a bold move and take him back, and he finally did…"

K stood up again, but this time he didn't look nervous. He didn't look worried either. He had made up his mind.

"I know how you are feeling. We and so many others are scared because of them. Our wounds are cutting deep. It's time to make it stop."

His grin was promising.

"It's time to teach Shindous a lesson. Are you up for it?"

Yuki tried to speak, but no words left his mouth. He still didn't know much about this Shindous and Mafia and all that bullshit, but he knew enough to know that he was in a big problem, and funny thing was that he didn't feel worried at all. A small voice inside his head was telling him that he was ready to do anything to claim Shuichi back. If Robert was crazy, he was crazier, and then…Tatstuha…

He sharply, turned his head around and stared at Tatsuha. He didn't know what to think about that.

Tatsuha didn't know either. Revenge? He was a victim of revenge? It was not fair. It really wasn't fair. He was going to suffer for the rest of his life, because those bloody fucked up people wanted to have fun with killing people. He suddenly wasn't feeling so good anymore.

He remembered his speech with Tohma, how he had shouted at him when he had found out about his job. He remembered his sister's anger and he felt like a pawn; a pawn that had no control over what was happening to him and the people around him. He was suddenly feeling sick.

Standing up and knocking the chair over, he ran out of the room. Bumping in one of the workers, but not apologizing, he ran out of the noisy police station.

Yuki and Winchester watched the scene with worried eyes.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Robert listened to the ragged breathing of the boy lying on the floor and sighed. How he had missed him. How he had missed these nights. He hated it when he had to spend his long sleepless nights alone, but he wasn't alone anymore. Shuichi was with him once again. Shuichi was his and no one else, and he was going to show it to other's no one had the right to claim his precious. Something he had worked so hard to make.

He ran his hand through the pink hair. It was soft, even softer than before. Yes, it was Shuichi's magic. He never became worse, he always changed for better. He never became a sinner. He always became more innocent. That was why he always hurt Shuichi; because he knew the more he hurt him, the cleaner he became. The more he broke him into pieces, the better. Shuichi was made to break. He was born to fall apart and the smaller the pieces, the better.

But he was angry. He was angry because those ungrateful people had made Shuichi one again, and he didn't like it. They had glued him back together, and he didn't like it at all. He didn't like it, because he had worked so hard to break Shuichi's soul. His soul wasn't easy to break.

It didn't matter now. Shuichi was back again. It was all that mattered. Life had become so boring without him around. People were not like him. They were all easy to break, but Shuichi was something different. He was a big challenge and Robert liked challenges; because no matter what, in the end, he was always the winner.

The room was awfully cold. He could feel Shuichi shivering next to him, and he enjoyed it. Yes, he had to freeze. He had to suffer. His soul was made to suffer.

Suddenly remembering the golden eyed man, he suddenly growled. How he hated the man, he was going to enjoy killing him, ripping him apart for taking his toy away from him. He was going to enjoy ripping him apart.

He told himself that it didn't matter at the moment, because Shuichi was at his hands, and this time he was going to break him. He was going to break him and there was nobody to glue him back together.

In the end the sharp pieces were going to belong to him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ryuichi heard the entrance door open and close and sighed in relief. Everyday was just likes this. He knew that he was a bit paranoid, but he couldn't help it. The fear of losing Tatsuha always ate him from the inside. He couldn't remember since when he had fallen in love with him, but he didn't mind at all. It was better this way.

Leaving his desk quietly, he looked into the dark living room; he saw Tatsuha standing next to the window, staring at the falling of the snow. He knew what Tatsuha was going through and his heart clenched painfully. It was not the care free and happy young boy he once knew. He could almost see the shadow of the sadness over the boy's eyes.

He glances at the clock; two in the morning. The ticking of the clock was suddenly making him very nervous. He could sense something bad. Looking at Tatsuha, he knew that something had changed about the boy. He looked a lot older. He looked like he had solved a great mystery and finally had made up his mind, but he didn't know what the mystery was.

Walking slowly, he flinched as his feet made contact with the cold stones, making him shiver. Tonight was colder than usual. Wrapping his hands around his lover's waist, he stared at the empty street. Occasionally, one or two cars would pass by, but there was nothing else there, but the cold snow.

The sky was grey. It looked sad and swollen, pouring his sadness on the dirty ground and make it snow covered. It was always like this. People's sadness, gave others beauty.

From the corner of his eyes, he stared at Tatsuha's face. The lights in the street giving his sad face an unearthly beauty. He slowly ran his fingertips over the soft cheek and felt wetness. Leaning in, he kissed all the tears away, and turned Tatsuha around, staring at him with a small smile playing on his lips. He was going to stay strong for him.

Seeing the smile on the boy's lips, Ryuichi's smile widened. Yes, Tatsuha was supposed to laugh. He was supposed to enjoy his life and share his happiness with the others. Nowadays, Ryuichi's only wish was making Tatsuha happy, and he was ready to sacrifice everything to achieve that.

Tatsuha took Ryuichi's hand in his and entwined their fingers together. It was a good feeling; like becoming one.

"Let's go to bed and cuddle together."

He finally whispered, and Ryuichi wordlessly obeyed. Together, they made their way to the bedroom and lay on the king sized bed. It felt really good, lying together on the soft and comfortable bed. Every where was dark, but their eyes were shinning as they were staring deep into another. Their legs tangled together, and they started to talk about their memories in a hashed voice; afraid if they talked loudly, they would break the beautiful silence of the snowy night around them.

"I love you doc Ryuichi."

"I love you too baby."

When they finally fell asleep, it was still snowing, and their fingers were still entwined.

And in the sunrise, the sky was a mixture pink, blue, white and light shade of yellow. But when Ryuichi opened his eyes to smile at the boy who was lying next to him…

He couldn't…

Tatsuha was gone…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The story is getting near to its end. So, I'll appreciate it if you give me reviews and tell me your ideas. You are all great writers and readers in F.F, and I am sure I can use your help. If I have learned to write, it's because of you and I know that there's a long path for me to walk to become a writer like you guys. Sorry if this chapter sucked too.

S.P


	25. Chapter 25

She can't hide no matter how hard she tries  
Her secret disguised behind the lies  
And at night she cries away her pride  
With eyes shut tight staring at her inside  
All her friends know why she can't sleep at night  
All her family asking if she's alright  
All she wants to do is get rid of this hell  
Well all she's got to do is stop kidding herself  
She can only fool herself for so long  
I'm too weak to face me  
(she can only fool herself)

Fly with me under the wings I gave you,  
Try to be closer to me and I'll save you

**Chapter 25**

_Eiri tiredly opened the wooden door and yawned. Who could have guessed working and studying at the same time could suck this much? He felt like he couldn't walk any more. Limping toward the living room, he threw his coat and briefcase away and cursed Professor Mitchell for giving him such a difficult job. He just wanted to become a professor; he didn't want to die in the process, damn it!_

_"Howard?"_

_Not hearing an answer, he guessed that he was already asleep. Slightly disappointed, he threw himself on the couch. He couldn't blame Howard though. It was almost midnight, and Howard was sick. He just wished Howard was awake so they could talk together after a long time. It was like years ago when they used to lie on the bed and chat about worthless things. Something was wrong with Howard. Eiri could almost feel it, but Howard didn't tell him anything, and it was hurting him more than anything. Howard wasn't a quiet type of boy and the fact that he had been silent for over two days was making Eiri scared. Yes, something was definitely wrong with Howard._

_Almost falling asleep on the couch, he stood up and stumbled to the bedroom, where he knew his bed and Howard where waiting for him._

_He didn't turn on the light, but he instantly knew that something was missing. Sitting on his soft bed, he called Howard one more time, but just like last time, he didn't hear any answer. Now, this was getting strange. Where could Howard be if he wasn't asleep?_

_Turning on the light, he was met with a silent and clean room with on sign of Howard._

_"Howard! Where the hell are you?"_

_Now fully awake, He ran to the kitchen, then his study room, but Howard wasn't there. Bathroom was a mess. Pieces of the broken mirror in the bathroom were every where, and Howard's medicines, pills and syringes were on the pieces, creating an awful mess._

_Heart beating fast with fear, he ran out of the bathroom. He didn't need to think twice to know that something was wrong, but he didn't know what, and it was making him nauseas._

_Looking around, his gaze fell on the balcony, Howard favorite place in the whole house, and he took a deep breathe. The glass door was open, and the breeze was making the curtains move to its rhythm. It couldn't be good. It couldn't be good at all. _

_He slowly walked toward the balcony and stopped at the door. He wasn't sure what he was going to see, and it was scaring the hell out of him. His body was suddenly feeling awfully numb, and for a moment he wished that he was still in the hospital._

_"Howard?"_

_He still heard no answer. Taking a deep breath and stepped inside, but then he wished he hadn't. All he was seeing was red liquid. The red blood had covered the floor, making it shine under the moon light, and on the blood, was lying Howard, with a piece of a broken mirror on his, now lifeless hand. His skin was pale, too pale and his mouth was slightly open. There was no smile on those lips though. No glitter in those beautiful eyes. For a moment, Eiri thought that maybe Howard was dead…_

_He didn't know how, but somehow, he found himself kneeling next to Howard's body, hugging him close to his chest. There was no pulse, no breathing, and no sign of being alive, but Yuki couldn't bring himself to believe it. It was too much to take in. Howard couldn't be dead. He just couldn't be. It was a dream, just a bad dream…_

_But Eiri knew it wasn't, because Howard didn't open his eyes. He didn't smile at him like he always did when Yuki came home. His eyes didn't shine. He didn't say "Hi Eiri. I'm glad you came home early." And he couldn't believe it. His mind didn't want to believe that he had lost him, and he found himself crying like he had never cried before._

_He didn't know for how long he was there, but when he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up at Tohma with a tearstained face, it was almost morning, and his shirt was coated with red liquid._

_They took Howard away. They buried him six feet under the ground. They said their farewells to the young boy. Police asked him how it happened. They explained to him that he was raped. They said Kitazawa; his once dear lover had raped him. After some time he found out that Kitazawa was killed, and it didn't surprise him when Tohma said he had done it._

_"I had to kill him. Look what he has done to my beautiful Eiri."_

_It was odd, but Eiri found comfort in Tohma's soft words. He let Tohma kiss him. He let him caress his body, and in that moment he didn't give a damn that he was cheating on his own sister, because it was feeling so damn good to forget about Howard and let somebody else claim his body. It felt so good because Tohma repeated and repeated that he wasn't going to let anything bad happen to him anymore, and Eiri found himself trusting Tohma. Tohma was the last person he trusted…_

_He came back to America, and ironically enough, he felt like he was home, but he just couldn't be the same anymore. He let his heart freeze, because he knew that he wasn't going to let anybody break it again anytime soon. _

_Kitazawa, he knew why Kitazawa did it. Eiri once loved him. He really did, but it was real hard to stay with that man. Yuki Kitazawa was a cold hearted bastard by nature, and Eiri found it harder and harder to deal with that man while he was constantly cheating on him, constantly backstabbing him. So he did the only thing that was left for him to do. He left Yuki._

_He could never believe that Yuki Kitazawa was going to do this to Howard…_

_The sickening fact was that after all these things that Kitazawa did, Eiri still loved him. He still loved to think about him, to think about the days they spent together, and it was the worst feeling in the world, because he felt like he was the one who had killed Howard._

_After five years dueling one his thought, he found himself believing that he was a murderer after all. He was a jerk for still loving the man who had killed Howard. He found himself a sinner for still thinking about Yuki when he was feeling alone._

_He hated himself for changing his name to Yuki. He hated himself for becoming Yuki…_

_And then everything suddenly changed. Every thing he had planned so carefully suddenly changed. Every wall he had built in front of him started to break and his heart started to melt._

_He felt like changing. He felt like feeling loved again. He felt like smiling and exploring the world again…_

_Because suddenly Shuichi came into his life…_

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Yuki woke up woke a start. His heart was beating fast, so fast that he was afraid that it was going to stop. The phone was still ringing when he picked it up. Wiping the cold sweat off his face, he cleared his throat to answer the phone.

"H...hello?"

"Yuki! Yuki Tatsuha is gone. I searched everywhere! I searched everywhere I though he could be, but I couldn't find him. I couldn't bloody find him! What if he does something stupid! What if he goes and…and…kill himself! Yuki what should we do?

"Calm down Ryuichi and explain what has exactly happened!"

"He came home last night. He was fine. He was really fine. He was talking strangely though. He kept on talking about our memories, about you, about me, about the parties and all those good stuff. He kept on repeating that…that… he loved me, and when I woke up, he was…he was gone."

Yuki took a deep breathe. Something wasn't right about this.

"Listen Ryuichi, do you remember Officer Winchester?"

"Yeah, Yeah I guess I do."

"Meet me in his office. I guess I know where he is."

"Okay…Yu…Yuki?"

"Yes?"

"H's all right, right?"

"I hope so."

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Shuichi tried to scream, but he couldn't. The piece of cloth in his mouth was almost gagging him. His hands were hurting badly since they were cuffed in a strange angle. He could bare all that pain, but he couldn't bear the pain that he was feeling inside. Robert was tougher than usual, or maybe it hurt so much because Shuichi hadn't done this for a long time. His hands were running on his bare back, making him want to throw up what he had eaten two day ago.

"Oh yes baby. You feel good. You feel so good."

He felt a slap on his back, and his face burnt red. Robert repeated the action and this time tears ran on his cold cheeks. He couldn't take this anymore. He just wished he could close his eyes and never open them again. He was sure Yuki would understand. He knew Yuki would understand that he couldn't tolerate this pain anymore. He felt Robert clutching a handful of his hair and gritted his teeth together. He couldn't take it anymore. He just couldn't anymore.

"I love you baby. Oh…I love you so much."

He felt so relieved when Robert finally let go of him, because he was feeling very numb all of a sudden. Everything was bluury around him. He felt like his heart wasn't beating anymore and the room was out of breath. He tried to take a deep breathe, but no air went into his lungs, and they started to painfully burn.

He heard the doorbell, and for a moment he wished it was Hiro. He missed him. He missed him so much. He missed Yuki, doctor Ryuichi, the nurses, the secretary who always teased him, the butler of the hospital and even Mr. Seguichi, and it brought tears to his eyes, because he knew that he wasn't going to see them anymore, and he found himself thinking about the sentence "you don't know what you've got until it's gone."

"I have to see who's behind the door baby."

He felt a wet kiss on his cold neck, then he heard Robert's footsteps which were getting further and further away, and it was when everything went black.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Yuki stared at the big white door as it opened and revealed a man in his mid thirties. He didn't need to look twice to know that it was Robert. His black eyes were showing everything. He had to take deep breaths to make him self clam, and if it wasn't because Hiroshi was grasping his arm tightly, he would have jumped and killed the man. He just knew that he wouldn't hesitate about that.

"Are you sure Shuichi's there?"

"Yes Mr. Yuki. I know this house like the back of my hand. I know Shuichi's there. I just hope it's not too late."

'So do I.'

Yuki watched with growing impatience as K talked with Robert. He told himself that it was a good thing that K was talking with such confidence and coolness, because if Yuki was there, he would have punched the man right in his face, knowing what he had done to K's family. He was slightly relieved when K walked inside the house and the huge door closed behind them.

"Now, all we can do is to wait and see what's going to happen."

Hiroshi's voice was shaking when he spoke and Yuki hears it, but he decided to ignore it. He was worried himself and seeing somebody equally as worried was just too much. He knew that Shuichi was there. He knew that he needed help, but the fact that he couldn't do anything about it was killing him. This scenario was reminding him of Howard and how helpless and hopeless he was when he found him dead on the floor of the balcony.

"Tell me the plan again."

Yuki almost groaned from annoyance. It was the forth time Hiroshi was asking him to do that. He couldn't blame him though. Hiro was just a kid who as worried about his best friend. Hiro had grown up with Shuichi. He knew how it felt like to be in that mansion, and so he had every right to be worried and anxious about their plan.

"So, one of the cops is in the kitchen now. She has filled Robert's cup with a kind of poison. We have to wait a little for the poison to take its effect. Then colonel Winchester is going to call you and ask you to go there, right?"

Yuki only nodded his head.

"Then Colonel is going to call the cops in. I'm going to show them the way to Shuichi's room and they're going to arrest everybody. Even if I try to look at everything optimistically, it sounds too easy to be true."

"I trust K."

It was all Yuki could say, because honestly, there was nothing else to say to make himself and Hiro feel better. They both knew that they were taking a great risk, and they could lose Shuichi in the process but the problem was that they had nothing left to do. It was a matter of luck, nothing more.

Both of them jumped from their seat when Yuki's cell phone rang. They just looked at it, like it was a snake and if they tried to grab it, it would bite them. Unfortunately, both of them knew that at that point, there was no turning back. It had started. It was a one way ticket, and they knew that Shuichi was there.

"This is it."

He heard Hiroshi whisper as he picked up his cell phone. His heart was beating fast as he answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Doctor Eiri Yuki?"

"Yes, that's me. How can I help you?"

"I'm Colonel Winchester. I hope you remember me. I'm afraid I need your help. Mrs. Shindou, one of my friends is awfully sick, and I believe if there's a good doctor in this town, it's you. So, will you be kind enough to come to Shindou'a mansion?"

"Oh...ye…yes."

"I'll see you in five minutes then."

And then K hung up.

Yuki stared at his cell phone. Still thinking about what K had said. Why did he feel like something was wrong? He _felt_ the frustration in K's voice, and now he was scared. Was it about Shuichi? Was K okay? His mind was going numb.

"Is there something wrong?"

"I guess so."

"Why?"

He could see the fear in Hiroshi's eyes, and he could guess that it was reflecting how Yuki himself was feeling inside. Both of them were going paralyzed from fear.

"He didn't say Robert is sick. He said Mrs. Shindou is sick."

"We have no other choice though."

"You have to go in."

Those five minutes were the worst minutes of Yuki's life. His body was almost shaking in fear. Never before in his life had he felt like this. He was about to do something he had never done before, and funny was the fact that he wasn't regretting any of it. Shuichi showed him the beauty of the world, and it was his debt to pay. It was a dept that he was happily paying, just to win Shuichi back.

As he walked toward the huge door and rang the bell, he told himself that he had never lost confidence like this before. He was thinking about turning around and going back to his car, when a butler opened the door and asked him to follow him.

He stared forward as the butler guided him to the living room where he could hear K's voice. Hearing his voice was like a painkiller, and he felt himself becoming calm again. He was there to kick Robert's ass, and he was going to make sure that he was going to kick it hard.

"Good morning Colonel Winchester."

He was really glad when he heard no wave in his own voice. It meant that he was playing good. Kneeling down next to the beautiful woman who was clutching her stomach, he told himself that she deserved it for what she had done to Shuichi, but he didn't say it aloud.

"What's wrong?"

"We don't know. It happened after she drank the coffee. I believe there's been something wrong with the coffee. I should talk with the chief."

Hearing Robert's voice, Yuki only greeted his teeth and closed his eyes. How he just wanted to turn around and kick him hard! Licking his lips he put his hands on the woman's stomach that was obviously in pain.

"Does it hurt madam?"

"Of course it does!"

'You deserve it!'

"I believe you are poisoned. There's not much I can do. We can call an ambulance, and I'll see what I can do in the hospital."

"The damn bitch drank the coffee! We don't have much time left Yuki! I have to think about a plan. The cops are going to break in. We have to stop Robert somehow."

Yuki wanted to yell from frustration. He just wanted to scream, "Now what?" but he stopped himself. He just had to act cool. He just had to go with the flow. He was about to say something professional about the stomachache when he heard a yell from a room in front of him. He didn't know why, but he found himself running toward the door. He didn't need to hear the scream twice. He knew it was Shuichi, and it was all he needed to run toward him. He wasn't going to let the incident happen again. He wasn't going to lose Shuichi like he had lost Howard.

He opened the expensive door with a loud bang, and was met with Robert, lying on a thin boy on the ground that had pink hair…Shuichi…

'I'm going to kill him."

It was what he thought as he grabbed Robert and threw him toward the cold wall. He was going to kill him. He didn't want to think about what was going to happen if he did. He didn't want to think about going to prison. He just wanted to get revenge, for this man had broken the most important thing in his life.

He didn't know what he was doing, and he doubted that Robert did either, for they were hitting each other mercilessly. None of them were feeling any pain though. Too blinded by rage to understand anything they beat each other and got beaten.

Yuki heard a sound of breaking, and since his head suddenly felt sore and heavy, he figured that Robert had crashed his head to the wall. Blood clouded his vision, but his ears could still hear. He could hear the sirens, he could hear the police, and next to his ear, he could hear K's desperate voice.

"Take the boy out of here. Run as fast as you can and don't look back. They're going to explode the house."

And Yuki did so. He didn't know how he had the strength to pick up Shuichi, but he did. And through the pain in his head, he thought to himself that Shuichi was unconscious. He ran as fast as he could. He almost fell from the stairs, but he didn't stop. He heard shots. He heard the sounds of the bullets, but he did not stop until he was safely out of the mansion, and it was when he collapsed on the ground.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The sound of the sirens was everywhere when Shindou jumped in his car and ordered the driver to get him out of this hell as fast as he could. Police was every where, and he was doing what was left for him to do. He was running away.

The driver gave him a hard look. Shindou didn't see the man's eyes since they were covered with sun glasses. He ordered again, and this time the hesitantly driver obeyed.

Shindou looked at his mansion and cursed everything around him. Fuck this Winchester Officer! He could tell that it was his entire fault. He shouldn't have killed his family. It was too late now. He had to get out of here if he wanted to stay alive. He cursed the driver for driving slowly, and was mildly surprised when the driver changed the direction.

"What are you doing you idiot!"

"Don't you remember me Mr. Shindou?"

The man took off his sun glasses, and Shindou was met with two familiar eyes. It wasn't time for greeting though. Police was right behind them and he had to get out.

"I know you. You're that young boy…

"Tatsuha sir."

"…Yes Tatsuha. So Tatsuha, You better drive faster if you want to stay alive."

Shindou heard soft laughter coming from the front seat. Something was going horribly wrong.

"But sir! I don't want to stay alive anymore!"

There was something wrong with the way this boy was speaking. There was something hidden in the voice and Shindou didn't like it. He had fired this boy. He just wanted to have him to get revenge from that Tohma. So why was he back? Didn't he learn his lesson?

"Look! I give you everything you want. Just get me out of here!"

"You can't give back what you've taken from me!"

His voice was angry when he spat out those words, and Shindou watched in horror as the boy drove right through the building and repeated the sentence he had said only one minute ago.

"What are you doing, you idiot!"

"Say good bye to everything Mr. shindou!"

Every body was waving their hands around them, saying that the mansion was about to explode but Tatsuha did not stop. He was going to do this, and he was going to enjoy watching him die. True, this man could not give back what he had taken away from him; so Tatsuha was going to do something equal. He was going to take his life always too.

People were screaming now, begging him to stop. He could hear Shindou's voice to; screaming at him, asking him to stop the car, but he did not stop. The mansion was getting nearer and nearer and he could feel his heart beat faster. This was it. This was the end he was waiting for.

'I wish I could say good bye to Ryuichi. I wish I could tell him that I love him, just one more time.'

Red and yellow was what he saw before everything around him exploded…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Yuki heard a very loud noise before he opened his eyes. He couldn't see clearly. Everything was blurry and his head hurt. He tried to think where he was, but he didn't come out with any answers. His mind was completely blank.

"He's awake!"

"Did you get colonel Winchester's body out?"

"Who was the boy in the car? Was Shindou in it too?"

"We have to take them to the hospital!"

"They say Robert was inside the mansion when ut exploded!"

"Is this boy Shindou's son? Is he all right?"

"This is professor Yuki."

"Let's take them to the hospital!"

He tried to understand the words but it was impossible. Everything seemed incoherent and silly. He felt somebody picking him up from the ground and put him on something warm and soft. His body was frozen, probably because he had lay on the snow covered ground for too long, but he guesses that the numbness was good, because if he wasn't feeling numb, then he would have to feel a lot of pain.

"Are you all right sir?"

He tried to say no, before his eyes close and everything around him went to nothingness.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

One more chapter to go and that will be it…

Guys, feed back will be welcome, because I know that this chapter _sucked_ for certain. Please help me out for the next chapter, 'cause it's going to be the last one and ideas will be more than welcome. I love to know your ideas and your guesses. I might even change the ending. This story is all yours. I could never write this shit alone.

A few days ago I read my story and felt extremely _ashamed and stupid_ and told myself "Wow! It really sucks man!" I'm just glad that you people thought me how to write better. I hope you stick with me until I become a real writer…like you…thank you very much. You helped me through some bad times without knowing it.


	26. Chapter 26

**NOTE:** I have revised the first chapter.

**Chapter 26**

It was raining.

It was early in the morning. Something around five in the morning, but it was like night. Grey and white clouds had covered the clean sky; making it look sad and swollen. Drops of rain were hitting the window; making a soft noise, then falling on the cold and hard floor, and it was exactly how Ryuichi was feeling.

He had hit the cold ground.

If it was any other day in his past, he would have enjoyed this morning very much. He loved sad days. He loved the heartbreaking atmosphere in the sky. It was so quiet, so peaceful and he loved the silence. No sound of sirens no sound of sick people crying. It was just the sound of his heart beat and the sound of the falling rain, but that morning, he hated it.

It reminded him of Tatsuha.

_'I'm so sorry sir. We…we don't exactly know what happened. We just saw him going straight in the mansion, and…and the mansion exploded.'_

It took some time; it took sometime for him to believe the news, but it still felt so unreal, so fake. Tatsuha couldn't. He just couldn't go and leaved him like this. It wasn't fair.

_'We tried to help him. We really did.'_

His legs were feeling numb since he hadn't used them for more than five hours now, and his forehead was feeling cold because it was pressed to the big window in front of him, but he couldn't bring himself to care about his body. Somehow, he felt like nothing mattered any more.

_'The car was burning.'_

Tears started to run on his pale cheeks for the umpteenth time that day. The pain had clutched his heart and it didn't leave him alone. He felt like he couldn't breathe any more. The grief was too much for him to handle, and he found himself more and more willing to cry his eyes out again.

No matter how much he tried to forget Tatsuha's face, the memories rushed back in front of his eyes. He remembered Tatsuha's voice, his face, his eyes, his body and his playfulness and it all made it so much harder for him to bear.

_"We couldn't open the doors. They were all burnt."_

His hands clutched Tatsuha's blue scarf on his lap, something police had found around the mansion before…before Tatsuha killed himself and it was all he needed to start to weep freely.

_'We saw the boy…burning. He was clutching the window. He was screaming help, but we couldn't take him out of the car. He was really…burning.'_

Ryuichi thought about the pain Tatsuha had gone through; burning in the car. Poor Tatsuha; Even his death was painful. He didn't deserve it. He really didn't.

_"It took some minutes for him to…die…"_

He cried and cried, but he didn't feel better at all. He couldn't imagine a world without Tatsuha, and the more he thought about it, the more fake it sounded. It couldn't be real. Tatsuha couldn't be dead.

He had to be there, making some nasty jokes about Ryuichi's awkward position on the floor; laughing at his pathetic form, but he wasn't. He wasn't and Ryuichi couldn't see him anymore.

"And in the early morning light, after a silent, peaceful night, you took my heart away, and I grieve."

These were the words he mumbled under his breath.

It was still raining and He already missed him.

His heartbreaking weeps filled his dark office. He heard the door open and stopped his crying. He didn't need to look up to see who had stepped inside. He knew that it was Yuki.

"Are you all right?"

Ryuichi tried to laugh. Yuki was the one who had broke his head. He was the one who had fought in the mafia's mansion. He was the one whose friend was in the CCU, his brain not working anymore. K Winchester was just a body without a brain now. Yuki was the one whose lover's almost lifeless form was on the white hospital bed, his heart barely beating, and he was asking him he if he was alright. He tried to laugh, but only more tears ran on his cheeks.

"No."

Yuki sat next to him and stared at the rainy sky. The sky was lighter than before, but it still looked sad. No cars were passing by. Nothing was moving. It was just them, the wet and empty street and their endless grieve.

"They say he suffered a lot. They say he screamed for help. Does it hurt really much when you are burning?"

He felt hopeless when Yuki circled his hand around his shoulders. It meant that the answer was yes. It meant that he had suffered a lot. They had all seen him burning. They had heard his screams, and what hurt more than anything was that…

He had been screaming his name. Ryuichi help…Ryuichi help me…

"I couldn't help him. I couldn't help him when he needed me the most."

"You couldn't do anything Ryuichi. They say the car had burnt. He didn't suffer…much…The explosion made him…"

He put his head on Yuki's shoulder and started to cry again. He knew that Tatsuh'a burning face was going to be his nightmare until the last day of his life. Looking at Yuki from the corner of his eyes, he saw no reaction. He knew why Yuki was doing this. He was masking his feelings. He was masking his pains. He was becoming the Yuki he had become after Howard's death.

And for the first time, Ryuichi didn't blame him.

"How is Shuichi?"

"They say he's going to die. His life is dependant on the machine right now."

"You have to rest. The blow on your head has been nasty."

"I don't care any more."

The silence filled the room, and they both stared at the street ahead of them. It was still empty, and it was raining harder. It seemed like the sky was crying with them too. What did faith do to them? Why did everything suddenly go wrong?

"I miss Tatsuha."

"I…miss him too and…and I miss Shuichi."

Yuki hugged his knees and put his head on them. It felt so wrong. It felt so wrong to lose Tatsuha. It was like yesterday when they used to play together in the garden; laughing at the stupid things; making fun of their father's bald head and annoying Mika. It was just like yesterday when Tatsuha confessed to him that he liked Ryuichi with a burning face. It was just like yesterday when Yuki told him that if he jumped, he was going to jump too…and now he was gone, leaving him alone in a world so full of pain.

And Shuichi…no, he couldn't bring himself to believe that he was dying too. It was just too much. How could he lose them in a blink of an eye? He couldn't tolerate it anymore.

His eyes were stinging but he refused to cry. He was done with crying. If life wanted to be so cruel to him, then let it be. He wasn't going to care anymore. He just didn't feel anything anymore. He didn't want to feel the pain. He didn't want to feel the love either. He just wanted to rip his heart apart so nobody could break it anymore.

"Professor Mitchell said that heart transplantation might help him."

Ryuichi eyed Yuki suspiciously. Something felt wrong with the way he said it.

"What do you mean?"

Yuki opened his now wet eyes and stared right in front of him. He knew that he was doing the right thing. He didn't want to fight any more. He felt so lonely. He felt so useless…

"I want to give my heart to him."

The room went awfully silent. Now, only the sound of the harsh thunders could be heard, along with the sound of wind, slapping the windows mercilessly, making them shake.

"You can't do that!"

Ryuichi finally broke the silence with a shocked scream. What had he done wrong? What had he done to deserve all these pains?

Yuki didn't look at Ryuichi. He was afraid to see the familiar pained expression on Ryuichi's face, and he knew that he couldn't bear seeing him like that. Ryuichi was tolerating so much already, but he didn't have any other choice.

"Yuki…don't leave me alone."

Ryuichi's voice was full of pain and desperation and Yuki found himself closing his eyes and biting his lower lip hard. He didn't want to leave Ryuichi. He still remembered Tatsuha's phone call. He could still remember the words he had told him yesterday on the phone.

_"Take care of him okay? He's so…so sensitive…and…and…tell him that I really, really loved him."_

He did want to grant Tatsuha's…last wish. He did want to take care of Ryuichi, because he knew what Ryuichi was going through. He knew how much Ryuichi was putting up with…

But Shuichi…

"I'm sorry; I need to speak with Professor Eiri Yuki. It's very important."

Yuki quickly stood up and looked at the officer at the door. He looked upset, and he had to. Their Colonel was dying on the bed and there was nothing those poor people could do.

"I'll be out in a minute."

The officer quietly left Ryuichi's office; giving Yuki as much time as he needed.

Before Yuki could go out, Ryuichi grasped his hand tightly, not letting him move. He still didn't look at Ryuichi's face. He couldn't trust himself any more because he was at the verge of crying. He was hurting as much as Ryuichi was hurting. Maybe he was hurting much more.

"Please Yuki…don't do this to me? Why are you acting like…like Tatsuha. You just want me to suffer till death!"

"I don't want you to suffer!"

"Then why are you doing this? Why do you want to kill yourself?"

Yuki freed his hand and whipped around, finally seeing Ryuichi's eyes which were full of sorrow and fear, but he was feeling much worse.

"Why are you going to give up?"

"I'm not giving up."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Because of Shuichi!"

He finally said it. He said the words he really meant. He didn't want to see Shuichi die. He didn't want to lose him. He wanted Shuichi to explore the worlds. He wanted him to feel love. He wanted to give him the life he deserved, and he was going to do it even if it meant giving his own heart to him.

He didn't mind at all when Ryuichi hugged him because he badly needed it, and he didn't answer when Ryuichi told him that he was sorry for being sorry; for thinking that he was suffering too. He just closed his eyes and put his head on Ryuichi's shoulders. He reminded him of Shuichi and how he was always warm and cozy.

Shuichi…

He didn't look back as he left the office. He didn't need to look back, because he knew that Ryuichi understood why Yuki was going to do it. It was the game of life and they were all pawns.

But he saw Tatsuha's favorite blue scarf lying innocently on the cold floor and it broke his heart all over again.

"Sorry Professor Yuki, what I am going to say concerns Colonel Winchester. We, his coworkers and friends, thought about it and we think that we are doing the right thing. Will you listen to me?"

"I'm all ears."

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Life was not easy. He had tasted the difficulty, the harshness and the boldness of life a long time ago.

He didn't remember anymore what it felt like to be a child .Those days that he had spent on having fun, free from responsibilities and problems were long forgotten.

He felt like he had lived for so long that now he was an old man.

Trapped in a white, lifeless room, he tried to think about the happy moments of his life but he remembered nothing but blood, pain, lies, rejection, tears and cries of agony.

Professor Mitchell said that he could cure his heart but could he cure the pain that he was feeling inside? Who could cure his wounded heart from inside? Where was Yuki?

A soft whimper escaped from his lips. His room was quiet, too quiet. He could hear his heart beat. It was getting slower and slower but it didn't matter.

No, it didn't matter anymore that he was all alone in this heart breaking pain. It didn't matter anymore because he had learned that he shouldn't have cared in the first place and now he didn't care anymore. He didn't care that he was dying inside .The pain was too much. It was eating him from inside and Yuki wasn't there to ease his pain.

The desire to scream and cry was killing him but he didn't scream. He didn't cry either. The past night in this lifeless room, he had stopped him self from crying. Today was no different. The same coldness was around him, making its way inside his heart.

Shivering, he whimpered one more time.

Eyes burning with unwelcome tears he stared at the white ceiling. He wanted to sit. He wanted to move, to jump, to run, to laugh...He wanted to see Yuki one more time. He wanted to kiss him one last time, but he couldn't.

Here, he was trapped. He even couldn't breath on his own.

Those unwelcome tears ran down on his pale cheeks and made his face wet. He could taste the salty water on his dry lips.

He just hoped that all of these were some kind of a nightmare. He just hoped that one he would wake up and laugh at the silly bad dream.

But when he closed his tired eyes, he knew that his hope was nothing but a silly wish and he realized that no matter how much he told himself other wise, the truth was that he badly cared.

Where was Yuki when he needed him the most?

He missed him so much.

He saw a nurse coming in, and instantly remembered her. It was Nurse O'Hara. He felt thankful when she injected something in his hand and he felt himself going in the very familiar darkness, except that this time, he was almost sure that he was never going to come back.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Ryuichi stared at the white, blank wall in front of him and sighed. After all that crying and anger, now he was feeling beautifully numb. His mind had shut down from all the pain and he didn't know what to think. Yuki was going to do it. He really was going to do it, and there was nothing he could do to stop him.

The door slowly opened and revealed Yuki all in white. He was paler than before and his head was bandaged, but he looked as determined as ever. It meant that nobody could change his mind now. Ryuichi knew what Yuki was going through. He knew how sad he was, but he also knew that it was the only choice left for them. They simply had to do it.

"Are you ready Doctor Yuki?"

Yuki didn't look at Doctor Butler's face. He just nodded his head and stared at the green door at his left. Never before, that room had meant so much for him until now. Ryuichi hugged him for the second time that day and Yuki heard him chocking back his sobs. He let him hug his as long as he wanted and then let go.

He saw Tohma from the corner of his eyes and saw him nodding his head. He saw Mika too. She wasn't looking at him though. Her eyes were full of tears; probably because she missed Tatsuha too. The sentence "you don't know what you've got until it's gone." Meant so much too him now.

As he stepped into the room, he smelled the familiar scent of death. It was lingering every where, making his nose and making him shiver. This time it was too much to bear.

And in the corner of the green room, on the lonely green covered bed was Shuichi, with his eyes close and the mask of pain covering his pale face. With shaky legs, he went toward Shuichi and looked at him. They had to inject him strong sedatives to make him cope with the pain. Just how much pain Shuichi was going through now?

He bent down and whispered in Shuichi's ear.

"I won't let death take you away. Don't hate me for what I'm about to do."

Planting a wet kiss on the boy's cheek, he stood straight as the nurses and Doctor Butler came in the room. This was it. He was going to do the unthinkable…

"Are you ready Professor Yuki?"

Yuki only nodded his head and for the first time after a long time, he prayed.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

He was bleeding. His shoulder was hurting like hell, but he didn't care. It was important that he had found _him_ and he wasn't happy at all to hear that he was still alive. He deserved to die for what he had done to him. They had killed his boss. They had destroyed everything he had worked so hard to get, and he was going to make sure they paid for that.

"So a heart transplantation?"

"Yes, I believe it was yesterday."

"Is he awake now?"

"No sir! There's just fifty percent chance for him to ever wake up. It was a great risk, but Doctor Butler accepted it any way. The poor boy is very young."

"Who gave him the heart?"

"I don't know sir. I'm new here. I just now that he was pretty famous. They say it's a pity they've lost him."

"Was he blonde?"

"I don't know…yes I think. He was blonde."

_The bastard!_

As Robert left the hospital, he told himself that at last he was happy that he was gone. He deserved to die for what he had done to him. His shoulder was still aching after two fucking days and Shuichi…

He was going to pay for what he did…

If he ever woke up…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

**Epilogue**

_Four weeks later,_

Yuki sighed as he looked at the pages of the old album on his lap. It was like years ago when he was young and in high school. He still remembered those days. He remembered what a pervert K was, and how much he loved to flirt with women. He still remembered the first time they kissed. It was out of pure curiosity, but both of them enjoyed it very much. It brought them closer.

Yuki smiled sadly.

For two weeks, he felt like a murderer. He felt like he had killed his best friend in order to save Shuichi. He knew that K would never wake up. He would stay a body without a brain until his heart stopped beating, but still, when he took his heart out of his body, he felt like he had killed his best friend.

_"Yuki, his heart will beat in Shuichi's body. He'll never be gone. I'm sure he's happy that you did it."_

Good old Ryuichi. Despite the fact that he was going through so much pain himself, he was always there for him in the past month, telling him that every thing was going to be all right. That Shuichi was going to wake up and he just had to be patient, but he couldn't help it…

He was losing his hope. Mike wanted to take him to England with herself and Tohma, telling him that he needed to get away from all this. He needed to clear his mind.

Part of him wanted to go, part of him wanted to forget everything and start anew, but part of him couldn't. A part of him didn't want to leave Shuichi after all that had happened. Shuichi had become a part of him now. It was painful to leave the boy in this lonely hospital when he knew that _if_ Shuichi ever woke up, there was nobody but Hiro to be there for him, and what could Hiro do for Shuichi?

"Why are you in my office?"

"Because I felt like being here."

Ryuichi sat next to Yuki and stared at the old pictures. It was funny how young and high spirited Yuki looked. When was the last time Yuki had smiled? He had gone through so much. He did deserve some happiness and unfortunately, the only person who could give it to him was on the hospital bed, peacefully sleeping.

"Is that K next to you in that picture?"

Ryuichi didn't receive any answers, not that he was expecting one. Every body was used to Yuki and his behavior and it was odd to say that every body loved him for that.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Going to London."

Silence filled the room as Ryuichi stared at the street below them. Finally, winter was leaving, giving its place to the spring, but Ryuichi wasn't happy about it. Tatsuha loved winter, and Ryuichi loved whatever Tatsuha loved. Now that he was gone, he could remember every single word Tatsuha had told him. He could remember every single memory. Now he knew, what Yuki meant when he said that Howard was always alive in his heart.

"If you want to go, you have to hurry up. The plane that Tohma is taking will depart at eleven in the afternoon, which means that you have one hour left to decide. Maybe you really should go. I guess it's the best choice Yuki."

Yuki stood up and went toward the door without saying a single word. He had made up his mind. He needed to go, he had to go o else he would go crazy. The pain of loneliness was getting too much to bear, and he couldn't bear it when Shuichi was so near to him, yet so far away. He just had to get away from all these memories.

"Where are you going?"

"I want to say goodbye to Shuichi."

The room was silent as usual as Yuki stepped inside. It was only the soft sound of Shuichi's breathing and nothing else. Yuki didn't turn on the light. He could say goodbye easier when it was dark. That way, he didn't have to look at Shuichi's peaceful face and feel guilty.

Standing next to Shuichi's bed, he told himself that he was there to say what he wanted to say along time ago. He was there to pour his heart out. Shuichi had to know the truth.

"Shuichi…I finally decided. I'm going to leave."

Placing a small doll, next to Shuichi's head, he smiled as he looked at the face of the doll. The doll held so many memories, and Yuki knew how much Shuichi loved him. It was his first doll.

"I brought it here to keep your company. Do you remember it? That woman gave it to you in the hospital. It was when we really kissed."

Caressing Shuichi's small lips he whispered.

"And it really felt good; my best kiss ever."

He bent down and planted a small kiss on Shuichi's warm lips. It still felt good. It still felt so sweet.

"Do you know why? It's because you were so innocent. I have a thing for innocent boys like you. It's just the gravity of innocence."

"I'm going to miss you."

Yuki wanted to leave, he was going to miss the plane, but he knew he couldn't until he said those words. Until he said the words he hadn't said for so long. It was hard, but he was going to say the sentence; the sentence he had to say a long time ago.

He bent down once again and slowly whispered.

"I love you."

.Closing his eyes, he kissed Shuichi one more time. This time the kiss was longer; more passionate. He wanted to savor its taste. He wanted to savor its feeling. He was going to live the rest of live with its memory.

When he opened his eyes, shiny, purple eyes were staring back at his golden eyes, wit an emotion of feelings.

The voice was barely above a whisper, but Yuki heard it.

"Do you really love me?"

No words were needed to be told. The eyes were telling each other everything.

Peaceful silence…

_**Fin**_

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And the story is finished. I hope you don't review and write "What a piece of crap!" or "What a horrible ending!" or maybe "God damn you S.P! I just wasted my time reading your story!"

Seriously, guys please review and tell me what you think of the story. It means so much for me. I want to now my flaws; the good points and bad points of the story. I don't want to make the same mistakes in my future stories.

I really, really, really thank you guys for supporting me. I once again repeat that if I've written this siht, it's because of your help. Thank you, thank you and thank you.

I'm thinking about a sequel…give me some ideas.

Thank you again everybody. And a special thank to Nameless star for making me write and continue this story. Please forgive my grammatical mistakes. It was my first story in English, and I hope you understand that it's difficult to write and describe your feelings when you're writing in another language.

See you soon.

Bye,

S.P


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